


Yakusoku

by Akaicchi



Series: Mukidashite: Bare (Your Teeth) [5]
Category: Persona 4, Persona Series, Shin Megami Tensei, Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor
Genre: Action, Alternate Universe - Persona Fusion, Archetypes, Backstory, Being Human - Freeform, Body Horror, Body Swap, Buddhism, Chance Meetings, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Codependency, Coming Out, Confrontations, Demons, Developing Relationship, Dramatic Irony, Dysfunctional Family, Established Relationship, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, First Love, Five Years Later, Flashbacks, Friendship/Love, Gun Modification, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Insecurity, Jealousy, Jungian Psychology, M/M, Manipulative Behavior, Memory Exchange, Monsters, Mukidashite Verse, Needy People, Old Friends, Online Friendship, Other, POV First Person, POV Nonhuman, Possessive Behavior, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Canon, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Repression, Same-Sex Marriage, Second Chances, Shadows (Persona 4), Shadows Becoming Human, Shinto, Suicide Attempt, Team as Family, True Forms, Trust Issues, Unconditional Love, comp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-01-05 07:35:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 69,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12185715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akaicchi/pseuds/Akaicchi
Summary: Our story resumes with Tohru and Ryota heading into the TV World to check on some hunches. Nanako finds out, of course. And then finally faces her shadow!?Tohru and crew head over to Naichou on another excruciating car ride. Once there, Tohru has to wrangle everyone into using their personas IRL and getting along and—Okay why does Namatame have his Izanagi but isn't fighting with the rest? Why do he and Ito get to take it easy?? And are those evokers Elizabeth gave Ryota!?What else? There's a fake relationship that gets a little too real. Teddie finishes building his boat with the others. Tohru makes everyone finally play King's Game. Tohru and Kanji experience a body swap!? Will this make them understand each other a little better? (Poor Kanji!) And why is everyone playing DDR...? (Please don't tell me they're going to go to karaoke, too.)We’re really going to begin digging into what makes humans and other beings (shadows, gods, etc) separate.UPDATE 12/11/17Moving on to helping Nanako, the disappointing King's Game, and then breaking out for the arcade.IMPORTANT:Archive Warnings may apply laterTrigger Warnings will be labeled in-chapter





	1. Prologue: Shashin (Tohru)

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back!!
> 
> This time I'm announcing all characters and ships at the beginning. And we'll see how many I need to delete... ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story behind the day of the picture that Yuudai gave Tohru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep asking myself how much more fucked and twisted I can make everyone's relationships. I keep thinking I've hit the maximum for weirdness... And then I one up with crap like this!  
> “Shashin” means “photograph”.

 

Chapter Zero-One: Shashin

(Tohru)

"What?! I don't wanna deal with this kid!" is the first thing I hear when the shock begins to wear off.

I'm sitting in a corner of the cafe wrapped in my sister's sweater. They won't give me my stuff—My bear she made and the notebook with our drawings and my robot toys. They said I ant have it until someone in charge says it's okay.

"Foist him off on your cousin or something! Guy's basically our slave till graduation," another man laughs, hooking a thumb in my direction.

_They've been arguing over what to do with me for a few minutes. Everyone else has gone. The people cleared out of the cafe. Neechan was taken away with the doctors. Now it's just a few police who keep trying to get someone else to bring me to people who know what to do._

"Fine—We'll just leave him somewhere till my dad figures it out," the first one sighs. "Kid!" he yells at me and my head snaps up. I hug the sweater tighter around myself. "Let's go. You ever ride in a police car?" he says, seeming to be friendly.

I shake my head.

"No?" he tries again. I nod. "Don't you at least _talk_?" he scoffs.

I don't know what to say to that so I keep quiet and don't shake my head this time. I walk over to the man and he points to the car. They make me get in the back and both sit up front.

The ride to the station feels really short. I look out the window, feeling guilty for enjoying the rare car ride even though Neechan is hurt.

At the station, I'm carted away and passed around to a few different adults before I ended up in an office that's more of a closet. A man—well he looks like a man to my five-year-old brain—sits behind what's more of a table than a desk, screwing up his face like he has no idea what to do with me.

"Kid, stop crying!" he’s tried several times, but my eyes just keep leaking.

_I miss Neechan. Why did they take her away?_

Eventually I'm able to top, I wipe my eyes and curl up with my knees to my chest. I sit on a folding chair and watch the man work on something handwritten. _Watching him is claiming. He writes a lot and looks angry, but he keeps going at it._

_I wonder if he's mad at me?_

_Like everyone else. Mom and Dad are going to be really, really angry, too..._

"What're you looking at me like that for?" the man runs a hand through his hair and complains. I don't answer. "If you're not gonna speak to me, you can see that I'm busy."

I don't say anything—Can't think of anything worth saying, really. So I continue to stare at the man.

_He's acting so sure of himself, but he looks nervous. Maybe he doesn't like kids._

"I'm almost done with school. Then I'll be police, too," he tells me, setting down his pen for a minute. "And I'll be a lot more fucking competent than those morons. What—They think I've got nothing better to do than watch some silent brat?"

He picks his pen back up and begins to write again. _It's a fancy pen. It looks like something someone important would have._

He glances over at me a few more times before he sighs and throws down his pen. "It's not like I've learned anything during my time here. Only how to do paperwork and that everyone needs to get their shit together." He leans back in his chair and folds his arms.

"So what happened to you?" he tries another time. When I continue my silence, he spouts off more complaints. "Just shunted you off with me because it'll take some time for whatever bureaucrat who deals with children to drag their asses over here."

"Fucking hate Tokyo—Hate _all_ cities..." He harrumphs and nods his head a few times.

He smacks his forehead and groans. "Haven't told them yet, but I'm moving away. I've put in for a few small towns. I'll move up quicker and it'll be more organized. People will be nicer. Everyone here's a complete asshole..."

_Really. I just watched my sister..._

_Something._

_She didn't look good._

_And I have to put up with you? You sound like an asshole too, you know._

_Some jerky wannabe who thinks he's gonna make it all better himself? Like you’ll really change anything._

_I could do better than all of you._

_And I could really use some reassurance._

"Alright." He glares at me this time. " _Alright_... Is there anything I can do? You stopped crying, but..."

I don't say anything, but my eyes begin to water again. _I want her back._

_I want her with me right now. I don't want you. I don't want those other people._

_I want Neechan..._

"Do you want to draw?" the man finally asks me in a quieter voice.

I watch as he finds some blank sheets of paper and holds out his fancy pen. Interested, I scramble over and try to climb on his lap.

"Wh-what're you doing, moron!" he loudly complains, but helps me up anyways.

After scooting his chair forward, the man waits while I try to draw my bear. It doesn't look anything like the real thing, but I'm worried I've lost him for good. _I guess it's something._

_I hope they'll give him back..._

_My little Kumacchi._

"What's that?" the man asks, reminding me I’m at the police station and can’t live inside my own head. He points at the paper.

I add more detail, but it's still a sloppy mess. I turn around, worried he'll be really angry I was wasting more of his time.

But instead, he sighs and takes the pen from me and tries to flesh it out. What was supposed to be my bear ends up looking more like a dog. _I don't care though, I like that he's helping. That I can make something with someone._

"How's _that_?" he asks me with a satisfied tone. "Look, we both did it together. You like dogs?"

I shake my head. _I like bears. And cats. And hamsters._

"I love dogs! I wish we could've have one. Maybe when I move out to the country..."

_I'm so tired. Maybe he'll let me sleep here._

I feel myself yawn, and then I lean back.

"Hey kid— _What_ —I have to work, you know!" He grumbles more, but also wraps his arms around me, holding me so I won't fall.

_Haven't slept well in so long..._

"You ah—You're just sleeping, right?" he pokes me in the side in a way that’s kind of painful. "You're not hurt, are you? I don't know where you came from. They didn't really tell me anything.”

I open my eyes and search his anxious face. _I'm not hurt on the outside._

_But I can't tell you. Can't find my voice._

The man sighs and pets my head. "It's fine. Go to sleep," he murmurs more kindly. "I'll watch out for you until your ride comes."

_I didn't know it then, but that was the only restful sleep I had until I struck out on my own. After that day, things would get so much worse._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Re-Edited 10/28/17


	2. Prologue: Everything I Can't Have (Tohru)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tohru and Munehisa, everyone! Another shitshow, but to a lesser degree. Tohru misreads the man’s seriousness about him, which is very Tohru and very sad. It ends up driving them apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last Prologue will be Thursday and the first chapter will be Saturday!
> 
> If you’re interested, in the interim, I posted a short one-shot of some stuff I had to cut from “Kazoku”—It’s on my profile~

 Chapter Zero-Two: Everything I Can't Have

(Tohru)

I lean over the desk and grin. “I want something from the ‘special menu’."

_I've been coming to this shop for almost two months now. I know there're some things the general public don't get. And I want it._

_There are rumors that this man deals in high-quality models. I've done the research and I'm nearly positive I can modify some of those to fire real bullets._

_I get a gun at work, but I'm still new and can't bring it home... Don't like that. I want to be able to protect myself._

_I've always wanted to be able to protect myself._

"You're a regular," Iwai glares across the counter at me. "I'm sure we can arrange something."

"Excellent." I fold my hands on the counter and lean forward. "I'd also like to ask about something separate?"

Iwai frowns. "Tch— _What?_ " he asks, sounding annoyed now. "You gonna try and blackmail me?" He slaps the tabletop and leans forward, fixing me with a darker look this time.

Perplexed that was his first reaction, I shake my head. "No," I swallow hard. "I wanted to ask you out for tea."

He backs up quickly, staring distrustfully. "Like a date?"

I nod slowly, thinking he sounds kind of offended. _Am I that bad?_

"Can't," Iwai brashly replies, picking up some magazine. "I need to go straight home after work—I have other responsibilities."

It's my turn to be surprised. "Really? That’s vague—But definitely a ‘no’.”

Iwai grunts a laugh. "Yeah. But you're free to eat lunch with me here."

I feel myself start to smile as I pick up my purchases. _Who knows? Maybe it’ll work out._

The next day I decide to do just that. I buy an assortment of omusubi and snacks— _I at least know the guy likes candy_. I grab soda and tea, then a bottle of juice from a vending machine because I can't decide which is a better guess.

Inside the shop, Iwai tells me to lock the door for a break, and we walk to his office. "Munehisa," he tells me on the short walk. "Most people call me 'Mune'."

"Then I'll call you Hisa," I grin. "Tohru's fine."

He snorts. "Okay Torucchi." Hisa smirks like he thinks he's one-upped me. _He has._

_I don't like that._

_But I do like having a nickname._

"Well then," I say. "Guess that's settled." I set the plastic bag of food down on his desk and lay everything out. I tell him to choose first and Hisa takes a tuna salad rice ball. I go for the pickled plum.

We make a little small talk the rest of our time together. I refuse to give away too much, and so does he.

The next few weeks go much the same, though I can tell he enjoys my company. Though nothing changes until one day when I've had it— _Does he even get that I like him?_

I lean forward, pushing our boundaries and breaking the weird no-touching-ever thing we have going. I bring my face right up next to his own surprised countenance. "I want to kiss you," I longingly state.

He frowns. "Me too."

And that's that. Our relationship continues to progresses slowly, but at least I have this much. _I know he likes me, too._

\---***---

Now that I've broken through Hisa's 'people barrier' I love being close to him. I stop by whenever I can and hang around. Ill bring food, or we'll talk about guns and how I can modify the ones I get from him, or just y'know... Kiss and stuff.

_He's cute when he gets flustered. And I love being the one to make him like that._

I don't know too much about his after-hours life until the day I _almost_ meet his son. We've been hanging around in the storeroom while he put a shipment away, and now I'm leaning against Hisa, pushing him into the wall. I’m touching him all over and am about to kiss him when we hear a voice from out front.

"Dad...?" we hear someone tentatively call loud enough to be heard all the way back here.

" _What?_ " I squeak. _I thought he locked the door. Who's looking for a parent in a place like this?_

"Shit—" Hisa quietly curses, pushing me away from him with a panicked expression on his face. I must look confused because he tries to quickly explain. "My son," he says in another low voice. "Kaoru, one minute!! I'm just—I'm in my office. I'm a little busy!"

Hisa rushes to fix himself and grab his hat before tromping out and telling me to head for the office. _What the fuck?_

_Why can't I meet him?_

_Is he..._

_He isn't married, is he?_

_That would freaking bite. It would be just my luck._

When Hisa finally returns after shooing the brat away, he sits behind his desk and takes out two lollipops. He hands one over, which surprises me—Obviously a placation tactic. But it’s not enough that I forget that I was supposed to stay in here, out of sight.

I unwrap the candy and put it in my mouth, feeling guarded. _Like he really could hurt me now that I've—_

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

_I've made myself vulnerable like this. After I've learned again and again that I shouldn't do that._

I stare at Hisa and wonder what it was about him that made me want to trust. _Probably the same thing that made me want to see how far he'd let me get._

I bite down on the candy, crushing it with my teeth. _I'm not speaking first. Let him try and explain._

"Torucchi," Hisa finally says, and it sounds like he's dumping me already. _The way his voice wavers and how he's not looking at me. I can tell he isn't going to give out any good news._

"What?" I spit, anger flaring up. "You didn't want him to meet me?"

" _Not like—_ " he speaks loudly, going red and surprising even himself. "I want someone who can come _over_ and meet him."

_And that's not me, huh?_

I laugh, a bitter sound pouring out from my mouth. "Look," I start as I learn over his desk. "Don't even say that isn't me—I get that I'm not serious enough. I'll take just my guns from now on." I remove the empty stick from my mouth and jab it into the desk.

"I'll be out of your hair," I tell him. "Don't worry about disappointing me—I'll do it first."

With that, I look him over and walk out the door. He looks shell-shocked; like I slapped him. _My last memory of that after noon is him gaping at me, his own candy falling out of his mouth and right onto the desk._

Later that evening, I rage around my apartment. _I haven't been this angry in some time._

_Not good enough for—_

_For anyone, huh?_

\---***---

I’ve received the notice that I'll be "re-stationed". _I'm being sent away._

_Sent away for defending myself against a man who would've killed me, given the chance. The same man who blames me for most of his problems. Who’s made my life a real living hell._

I pack my things slowly, dreading the move. I shove stuff into boxes, organizing by games, books, clothes, kitchen, etc until I can't take it anymore.

Then I play with some of my models for a bit.

I got a package from Hisa in the mail today. _Didn't even know he had my address. Don't feeling like opening it..._

But I do. And inside I find a model Nambu. There are instructions for what it can handle an ideas for modifications.

A note follows. It's short and has the regular platitudes. He says he heard I won't be allowed to keep my gun, but that his present should suffice. _It'll give me a project to work on, at least._

At the end is his email address, which I'd never had before. _Of course it says not to contact him unless I’m in deep shit..._

But I put it in my phone regardless, vowing to forget about it. I know I'll only ever contact him about guns, though probably not at all.

I should leave Tokyo in Tokyo. _I'm sure there are plenty of lonely-ass people waiting to get to know me._

_Or not._

_Who cares, anymore?_

All I can do is hope for something different. Something _more_. Even though I know that the boonies will have even slimmer pickings for a good time than the city.

The people will care too much and get too involved in my life. No one will stay out of my business.

I really loved it here.

_I loved being on top of the world until things started to go downhill with Hisa. After that, it was one careless mistake after another until—_

Until I shot _that man_.

_And now it's over..._

_And I'll never have the things I want again._


	3. Prologue: Destroyer (Niichan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at Niichan. He knows exactly who everyone is, and it just waiting to strike.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is way too short, so there will be another chapter tomorrow!! It will be the first chapter!

Chapter Zero-Three: Destroyer

(Niichan)

All these abandoned worlds.

_The gods have left them for us mortals to play..._

One group took out the main power here, but I can easily remake this place as my own. I can skin my design on top. I do have powers of the gods myself, after all.

If I tweak a few things, it will make the perfect test. If I can conjure enough shadows and demons... Maybe I can take them down, though I do need _him_ for my plans.

As for shadows and demons—How will they even know the difference? Shadows are easier to goad, but you need to be too invested in the outcome. Demons will thankfully think for themselves.

_They can control each other, if manipulated properly._

Only two of them can pick out which are shadows and which are demons. The differences can be subtle. The others of this cell are far too _mortal_.

Not like myself. If I die, I'll just rise again. A permanent plague upon humanity and the gods alike.

_It's almost too easy._

I walk around the stages and landscapes left to ruins, taking note of a few shadows that were unable to flee when this world began nearing collapse.

It isn't quite a 'dungeon', and definitely not a palace. Nor is it a mirror of the 'real world'. It's different enough that I can make it my own.

I'll keep the ridiculous fighting mechanism, but add in my own people and obstacles. _It's just a trial, after all._

_When the time comes for me to throw myself into the ring, it won't do to use a medium so odd and strangely humiliating._

_No. It will be a straightforward test of might._

_But not strength—_

_Oh no._

_It will be magic only._

I step into the light and feel myself phase back to reality. _This will prove useful._

_It's not what they're used to. It will be a challenge._

I could always sic the mundane demons upon those buffoons, but they already know exactly how to deal with them. They know the weaknesses and strengths from memory.

Adachi and The Shadow can take down almost anything with their physical and magical prowess. I need a challenge they have not yet faced to test their adaptability while they are still organizing themselves. I don't know what kind of a situation will create the proper amount of hopelessness— _of emptiness_ —to bring back that entity.

_I will rule as a god._

Once the pawns realize I am close by, they will find me. Without a doubt, they will attack me.

_I know they’ll come after me—_

_You could say I’m waiting for that; waiting to pull the trigger on the blackness._


	4. Distorted Point of View (Ryota)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryota’s first ever chapter! He arrives home from the party and then heads right back to the Dojimas’ because his roommates are NUTS. He and Tohru head into the TV World. Then he angsts over whether or not Tohru can be trusted to make the right decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see Ryota using more polite language in his head, but talking rougher to fit in better. Interesting guy ^^
> 
> There will be another chapter tomorrow if I have time. If not, definitely Sunday!!
> 
> Thanks for reading and I would appreciate feedback on this chapter. Do we like Ryota chapters!?

Chapter One: Distorted Point of View

(Ryota)

I take the train home. When I get close to the farm, I can hear gunshots… _Again_.

This is the third day in a row they’ve been shooting guns. I don’t know where they got them, but they’re doing it again. I can hear the “cracks” and “booms” of various weapons as I draw closer.

_Truly, why must they do it at night? It’s just counterintuitive._

I walk into the house and straight to my room. The place is massive. There are several others who come and go—None of whom I’m friendly with. Everyone seems uninterested in getting to know me, except for Marie and Elizabeth, the latter of whom prefers to use me for her experiments.

_So far she’s dyed my hair, shot me with three different guns, and made me eat things I don’t believe are supposed to be edible. The dye is wearing off, but I’m unsure if this is better. I still stick out so much._

I drop off the reusable bag holding the books Yukiko gave me to read. I’ve been carting them around and poring over each one, trying to make sure I have everything correct. _If I’m going to have two jobs, I will damn well do them properly!_

I should leave for the TV studio soon, but am going to call in sick to help Tohru. _I don’t care for that place. It’s too reminiscent of the TV World itself. The sets; the actors; the gossip and gawkers. I’d like to quit, but am concerned it would be impolite after I requested a job._

“Ryota~” _Elizabeth_. I can hear her coming down the hall, and then a knock at my door. “We have a real treat tonight! I’ve acquired a new piece I would like to show you. Meet us in the storehouse?”

_That sounds bad._

“There’ll be a movie after, if you’d like. But I require assistance with this new… Hmm. This new ‘ _shocker’_.”

“Hey! Wait for me—You quick, flighty woman!!” Marie calls, sounding as though she’s hot on Elizabeth’s track.

_I should answer them._

_But my television is right there._

I make a decision and leap through. _They’ll understand._

I break out in Tohru’s room. Unfortunately, he still hasn’t put away the futon, so I slide into the coffee table. I hear him swear and clomp down the hallway.

“Dammit, you fucking goon!” he hisses as he shuts the door behind himself. “What’re you doing? _And_ you’re early.”

“There were,” I swallow hard. “… _Circumstances_ surrounding my early arrival. Gimme a break!”

“Fine,” he huffs, stalking over to the couch while I collect myself. Tohru pulls his favorite gun out from underneath and inspects it. “I need to get ready. Can you wait a little while?”

I nod and Tohru leaves to gather a few other guns and items. He’s also carrying Ryou’s cargoes and heavy jacket. _That’s what he was wearing when we met. He uses the pockets._

Tohru squats buy the table and begins to dissemble the guns. He checks and cleans them, loading bullets at the end. “Good,” he says, looking up. “Do you have anything useful on you?”

“I have _me_ ,” I reply, feeling a little hurt at the accusation. “I’m more powerful than you. I have most of your abilities and more, _and_ I can heal. I think we’re gonna be okay.”

“Right,” Tohru sighs. “That _is_ why I asked you to come along…”

I laugh. “I thought you asked me because you don’t want to freak out inside the TV and have your shadow break out again.”

“ _I’ll be fine,_ ” Tohru glares, making my smile fall away. “Today made me nervous, is all… I keep worrying I’ll hear _him_ more.” He grunts and shakes his head. “Because I tried to shove my memories into Kanji. I don’t want him screwing everything up like before. I—” He pauses and frowns hard. “I don’t want to screw things up with Ryou. In case you didn’t notice, _my shadow hates him_.”

“I know.”

Tohru glances at me, suddenly twitchy as he lays out the items he's bringing along. “Tomorrow Ryou says we’re getting married. If he’s gonna show up, it’d be now, huh?”

_Probably._

_I’m glad he asked me to come._ I can’t help smiling again. Tohru glares at me.

Tohru takes the large pants and yanks them over his shorts and I have to laugh. He puts the jacket on top with nothing underneath, and now I’m _really_ cracking up. “You know you look ridiculous, right?”

“Don’t care,” he rolls his eyes. “I like this,” he asserts, flipping up the collar and zipping the jacket to the top. “I feel safe.”

I feel myself smiling at how cute that is. Then he starts loading the guns into his pockets and it’s suddenly more ‘psychotic’ than ‘cute’.

“So where are we going?” I try to casually ask.

Tohru smirks. “You’ll _love it_ : one of my hideouts. Then I need you to bring me to The Cathedral of Shadows. Then to my main hideout.” He unplugs his television and sets it on the floor. “I want you to help me expand the main hang," he titters. “And I guess you should know how to reach it. You and Teddie are the only ones who can ferry people over, after all.”

“True,” I agree. “It would be nice to have a place to go if there’s trouble.” _Or if I need to escape my roommates…_

“Glad you think so~” Tohru grins. “Let’s get moving.” He gestures to the TV and before I can protest that I’m not bringing him to the Cathedral, he’s shoving me inside.

After he pops out, Tohru leads the way. We jump through and come out somewhere dark. The air is hazy.

A figure in a black, hooded robe approaches us from inside the dry mist. It turns in Tohru’s direction and I gasp—Certain he cannot see its true face.

“Hey Shin~” the moron laughingly greets it.

“Tohru— _No_ ,” I command. He whips his head around to shoot me an odd look. The figure says nothing. “Do you know _what_ that is?” I hiss, instinctively pulling him backwards, to myself.

Tohru chuffs and tries to push me away. “Lemme go, he helps me!”

“ _That is a shinigami. Do not get too close._ ” With that warning, I release him.

The stupid brat bounds right back over and starts chatting about new demons he’s seen. The shinigami taps Tohru's head with a notebook and I see a thick red mist flow from Tohru to the compendium.

Tohru turns triumphantly back to me. “ _See_?” he insists. “ _Help~ful_ ,” he drags out the word and pats its hood like a dog. _If I could faint, I think I would._

“You can’t—“ I huff. “It’s _dangerous_ …”

Tohru giggles nervously, but finally leaves the monster alone. He keeps walking purposefully through the cavernous room. _Is this a place he created?_

_No, I don’t think so. It’s got a different aura. I don’t know who made it, but it was someone more powerful than us._

I follow close behind Tohru, studying the strange creatures I can see scuttling around. _His shadows?_

They scramble away like sprites, jumping through unseen nooks and crannies. _Is this one of his worlds?_

_—But that shinigami was definitely not his creation. Of that I am positive._

We end up in a room with a star-shaped table. Tohru pulls a bunch of tarot cards out of his pocket and fans them out so I can see. "I can do the max number of fusions."

He sets a few up for a demonstration, but I wave him off. "I know how it works... But how did you get all this?"

Tohru grins. "I have my ways. You spent five years in that stanky office, but _I_ spent five year in a literal prison. So tired and lonely... With nothing to do but read whatever Black Frost brought me." He collects the cards and tucks them back inside his coat, zipping up the pocket. "Mostly materials on demons and shit."

"You know I'd have been okay if Ryoutarou didn't help me because of all this." Tohru waves his arms, motioning to the room around us. "But I didn't care about _anything_ until I thought I could get out and have it all back. Dunno what he ever saw in me, but I'm glad I'm finally useful."

I sigh. "It's not about being ‘useful’. It's that he loves you, whether you're useful or not."

I watch Tohru shake his head. _What part of this doesn't he get?_

_Even if he didn't have any powers, he'd still go to bat for Ryou—Who has even put his livelihood on the line for Tohru. Why are they both so insecure?_

_They're getting married in a few hours. Do they think that will magically change Tohru’s outlook?_

"Okay! Bring us to the Cathedral!" said human demands of me.

"Ah, _no_ ," I scoff. "I can't go without a reason. It's not a good time to do that right now. Just show me your 'other hideout'."

He whines a bit, stomping around, but then agrees. We warp out and land near the front door of a model of the downstairs of the Dojima house.

_Plenty of energy here. He could easily expand it if he knew how._

_Did he make this himself?_

"I can work with this," I mumble. Tohru is already lazing on the couch. I shoot him a look and he sits up, appearing more interested.

"You gonna show me how?"

I roll my eyes. _He shouldn't even be inside here. He definitely should not be attempting to wrangle more powers for himself._

"No," I reply. "But I'll do it for you this time."

"Aww, no fair!" he sulks, flopping back down on the couch.

I concentrate and focus, channeling the inherent energy with a portion of my own. I try to remember the exact layout of the upper floor. When I believe I have it correct, I loose the magic at the stairwell.

There is a noise similar to stone grinding against stone.

"Woah!" Tohru breathes, completely alert. "It worked?" He climbs the stairs to check things out for himself and I chuckle. _Of course it worked._

When we pop back out at the real house house, I warn Tohru that I was actively suppressing his shadow. I also tell him that he needs to sleep.

_I don't want him to know it—_

_But the more he acts like a shadow, the more inhuman he'll become. His body will match his actions and will transform him into a being like myself and Teddie. He needs to keep up the facade of being a human._

I'm willing to bet this is why his shadow is able to keep cropping up. It's the reason something other than his true consciousness can find footing in his mental gymnasium:

_It's because he doesn't see himself as human._

_He doesn't see himself as 'good'. He doesn't see himself as a rightful member of the population._

This could be his ruin.


	5. Ties (Tohru)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get married and I’m sure you can figure out the rest. Tohru wonders at stupid things, like how you decide who does what. Then he realizes he needs to get more proactive in cultivating his relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be posting for "Yakusoku” at least every other day. I’ve started serializing a second story at the same time—I’ve just been having this real creative surge lately. But I need enough time to write.
> 
> Hopefully we can have more longer chapters like this one :D
> 
> On another note, I changed this chapter name THREE TIMES!!! Other names included: Reality, Promises, and Bokutachi.

 

Chapter Two: Ties

(Tohru)

When Ryota and I come back from the TV World, I send him away. He spouts that annoying warning and then climbs back through the television to head home.

And I pad down the hall, realizing I've never wanted a drink more in my life.

But I threw out all the liquor. I bet Ryoutarou's got more hidden away, but I don't really want to get drunk right before he wakes up. _That'd be fucking hypocritical._

_I'm beat._

After talking to Ryota, I don't think I need to sleep. _But I like sleeping._

I quietly slide open the bedroom door and lay down next to Ryoutarou—Who’s bundled up all the blankets and is hugging them like he thinks that's me. I laugh and pry them out of his grasp. I insert myself into the space and he starts to wake up, staring right at me with his half-open, totally glazed eyes.

"Hey Tohru." Ryoutarou smiles at me. He rubs down my back and a confused look comes onto his face. "You're already dressed?"

_—Fuck._

I wriggle out of my shorts and toss them across the room, pressing myself against Ryoutarou. He chuckles and closes his eyes again, exhaling loudly.

"I love you," he breathes, holding me tightly.

"Do you wanna get up?" I ask him. _I have no idea what time it is, but it's starting to get light._

Ryoutarou kisses the top of my head. "No. I want to hold you." He grins crookedly and tucks my head into his shoulder so I can't move away.

"You mean you _don't_ want to take like five hours to get ready?" I smirk.

"I'm warming up to your 'no planning' style."

"Please don't," I groan. "One of us has to keep everything on track."

"I'll keep everything on track," Ryoutarou smirks, rolling over on top of me. "But you need to let me know which direction to send us."

I laugh. "Looks like you know exactly which direction you want this morning to go in."

Ryoutarou bends down to kiss me and I push up against him, grunting. Then it's his turn to laugh. "I didn't think that would be all it took," he tells me, brushing hair off my forehead. "Sorry—We should put this on hold till later."

"That's probably a good idea," I agree, pushing him away.

"Yeah, you're not quiet," Ryoutarou snorts, grabbing my wrists in one fucking gigantic hand and holding me down. He tips my head to the side with a way too sneaky look on his face.

He leans over and licks from my collarbone to my ear. I clamp my teeth together, grinding them so I don't say anything. I kick Ryoutarou a little hard and he snickers, rolls way from me.

"You sure you want to marry me?" he sarcastically asks, but I can see the real question behind all his playing around. _And I don't like it._

_I don't like that he's trying to give me an out. Like he's unsure if I'm ready for this._

"Don't be that way," I tell him and I know it sounds a little whiny.

"Its fine," he brushes off my comment and grabs my hand, pulling me to my feet. "Here. Let's go shower and I'll make us some food."

On my feet, I wait while Ryoutarou puts on a shirt and tosses me his robe. He grabs the clothes he'd laid out the night before and drags me down the hall to get showered.

I don't put up a struggle today, just quietly wash myself before we have a short soak in the tub. I dress in nicer clothes: a brand new button-down and slacks. Ryoutarou points to fancy socks, which I tug on last, trying my best to keep the sour look off my face.

Or at least I _think_ they're the last part of my ensemble. But Ryoutarou grins as he shoves me back into the bedroom and produces a box.

He holds it out to me, looking proud of himself. I cautiously take it, unsure what the hell he's bought. When he motions for me to open the damn thing already, I take off the lid and see a new tie.

It's striped this time. _Red and blue._

_Like our mugs._

Ryoutarou's still beaming at me as he shows off a second box that contains his. "It's time," he tells me. "I thought we were due for a change."

"This isn't too flamboyant for you?" I tease.

He shakes his head and pulls my tie out of the box. "No," he sternly states. "Come closer."

I try to stand very still as Ryoutarou pops my collar to fit the tie around my neck. "Not too tight," I quietly plead.

"Don't worry so much," he soothes, taking a minute to gently massage my neck. "I wouldn't do anything to hurt you."

"I know," I reply. _But I have such a hard time trusting..._

The ride to the town office is too short and I do start to feel antsy. When I step out of the car, Ryoutarou’s already there, offering me his hand. We walk inside like that.

I _do_ feel a little trapped.

But I don’t know _why._

It’s not like he’s holding my hand too tightly, or that I feel pressured. _I want this._

_I do want this._

I don’t think I deserve it, but I know I’ll feel better when it’s official. I like the idea of being bound together.

I look over and see that Ryoutarou’s been chatting with the man at the desk, asking for the forms and how long until everything takes effect. He receives a few brief answers and a stack of papers.

“Please print your names here, in the appropriate slots. Stamp here and here.”

Ryoutarou reaches into his jacket and pulls out—

_The most expensive-looking pen I have ever seen._

_And it rings a bell._

_Well, more like an alarm._

“Ha-Have you always had that?” I ask him. Ryoutarou gives me a funny look and a nod.

“You haven’t seen it before?” he replies, spinning it through his fingers. “I’ve always had it—Since I graduated high school.”

“Yeah,” I scratch my head. “It looks familiar.” _I have an itchy feeling inside._

“Here,” Ryoutarou passes me the pen and I can’t shake the nagging feeling that I’ve seen it before, even though he insists he only takes it out for important documents.

Then we stamp our seals and we’re done. _Totally married._

He asks what I want to eat and I suggest eel. We pick it up and decide to eat at home. _Not like I expected any different—_

 _Knew we’d end up back here_. I smirk to myself.

"Now what?" I ask, setting he food on the shoe cabinet so I can yank off my stiff shoes. Ryoutarou picks me up and places me on top of the cabinet too. "Eh— _What?_ "

"Whatever you want," he says as he reaches down to take my shoes off for me.

I frown at him. "I can do that myself..."

"I can take off more than just your shoes." Once they're discarded in a heap with his, Ryoutarou loosens my tie and starts on my shirt buttons.

 _Yeah. Bet you're gonna take off more than just my shoes_. I can feel myself smiling as he starts to touch me, grazing his hands over my skin.

I grip his tie and pull Ryoutarou down to kiss me. He grunts, biting my lip a little.

"Let's bring this..." He grabs my hand and pulls me towards the stairs with him. I climb them behind him wondering at why everything does feel sort of new.

_Not what I expected._

In the bedroom, my shirt comes the rest of the way off. His follows and then our pants are flung to the side and the next thing I know we're lying down and Ryoutarou's tugging me between his legs.

"Try," he starts. "We don't have to do it this way, but touch me. I want—"

I nod, which doesn't look like what he's expecting. His eyes widen in surprise and nudges me so that I’m between his legs instead of vice verse. _I already feel electric, like I knew I wanted to do this but have been holding back._

“You wanna...”

“Yeah,” I quickly reply, pressing the palm my hand to his crotch. Ryoutarou groans and grabs my the back of my head, pulling me down to him. I kiss his neck he holds my head there, rubbing his thumb across my the base of my own neck.

I hear him pull in a sharp breath when I try to back away. “Just today,” he says.

_Don’t need to tell me twice._

I open my mouth wider and lick, then clamp down my teeth on his rough skin. Now he lets out something louder than before and shifts to press himself against me. I stick my hand up the leg of his boxers and feel his butt, just kind of touching.

Ryoutarou tries to say something else to me and I stop, to see if that's what he wants. But he shakes his head, telling me that’s not what he was trying to say. “Just telling you I love you,” he breathes, with his face so close to mine.

All I want is to be like this forever— _Feeling like I’m all he needs. Like I’m all he'll ever need._

I start to ask if he has any lube or something, and Ryoutarou tells me to check one of the shelves in the closet. I retrieve the bottle and walk back to the futon. We’re smarter than we used to be: he grabs a towel.

“Never knew sex could be so unsexy,” Ryoutarou chuckles, sitting back down.

Unfortunately I can already tell I’m getting too aggressive. I kiss him hard, leaning on Ryoutarou to show him how I want him to sit. I can see him grinning, clearly enjoying himself and not caring. _Probably liking this._

_Why’s he gotta be like that? I thought I was supposed to be the idiot._

_He knows I’m dangerous, right?_

_I want to do this, but I did almost_ _kill him_.

 _I’m not normal! I want too much_ —

Now I’ve got him twisting around and shuddering. “Stay _stiller_ ,” I complain. “I don’t want to hurt you by accident—You keep moving funny.”

“It feels— _Tohru_ —” he breathes next to my ear.

My face feels so hot. _I want to do more—_

_And I want this too—_

_It’s—_

_Is this what it’ll be like from now on? How do we even pick who does what?_

_Fucking complicated..._

_This isn’t like the ‘relationships’ I’ve been in before. I wasn’t usually the one on this side of things._

“Is this enough?” I ask, knowing I sound almost timid.

I know what to do—I know what feels good _on me_. But this is different. It's someone else.

_How do I know what’s right or wrong?_

_I need some sort of feedback other than the faces he’s making—Which are not exactly readable._

“Is it good?” I try again. _Did I do this right?_

Ryoutarou nods a few times before telling me it’s alright, that I should relax. “It’s not a test,” he sarcastically quips, pulling me down to lean against him. “Jeez! Your heart’s hammering away, Tohru,” he murmurs, kissing my head.

I sigh, just laying there for a minute.

“You, ah—” Ryoutarou clears his throat. “You want me to take over?”

I have to laugh, and it comes out so loud I snort spit up my nose. It makes him chuckle, though he probably can’t even tell _why_ he’s laughing. _Probably only laughing because I am._

I feel Ryoutarou nudge me away from him. He sits up and cleans himself off, throwing the towel into our dirty clothes pile. I think I have a hamper somewhere, unless he got rid of it. _What, does he actually carry out clothes to the washer by hand?_

The thought makes me start laughing all over again. I’m still going when Ryoutarou pulls me to him, sick of waiting for— _Fuck who even knows what he’s waiting for. If it’s for me to be normal, then he’ll be waiting forever._

Sensing this bout of laughter is over, he shifts so he’s on top of me now. I smile up at— _can’t believe I’m using these words_ —my husband, and he grins back.

“Calmed down?” Ryoutarou questions, threading his fingers into my hair. The simple action feels so good I lean into his touch as he lowers his lips to meet mine.

It doesn’t take long for him to get me all worked up. Now it’s my turn to grind into him, ordering him to hurry it up. “C’mon,” I prod. “I’m ready, let’s _go_!”

“We have plenty of time, dammit. You’re so _impatient_ ,” he grumbles, but lines himself up to me. Ryoutarou holds one of my hands and uses his other to grip one of my legs so he can manipulate me easier.

I’m already so keyed up I send the whole time urging him that I want more until he finally tells me to just flip over, seeming aggravated I keep objecting when he slows down.

 _This_ I like—There’s nothing left for me to gripe about as he grabs my hips and just goes full-force.

When we’re done, Ryoutarou lets out a sigh and rubs my back. “You alright down there?” he asks. “You’re making a lot of noise today. The complaining was annoying—You need to be specific. ‘More’ doesn’t quite cut it.”

I groan and slip out of his grasp. I lay down on my back so I can see him. Ryoutarou shakes his head at me.

Then he drags me to the bathroom to shower for the _second_ time today. _Yes, I’m keeping count._

“Trying to trick me?” I protest.

Ryoutarou gives me a confused look. “What?”

“We already showered today...”

He makes an exasperated nose. “Just get in there!” I mutter a few swears but shuffle into the bathroom. “I can’t believe we’re already fighting.”

“Marriage doesn’t change much,” I point out. “It’s just an agreement.”

“That’s true,” Ryoutarou says with a pained expression. “I don’t know—I knew it wouldn’t fix everything. But I guess I thought—“ He sighs heavily. “I thought it would make both of us feel more secure... With our relationship.”

_Et tu?_

_I guess I saw this coming. It’s more that I didn’t expect him to admit to it._

_What do I do with that?_

I stare at Ryoutarou as he scrubs down, wondering what else he’ll admit to. And how I can make _him_ feel better, instead of him always placating me.

_I need to step up._


	6. Takes Work (Ryoutarou)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course most of town has already heard about the guys... But that’s okay! Ryoutarou and Chie head to the textile shop for a bit. They’ve got their own little community going now ^_^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keeping up with the every-other-day plan~

 

Chapter Three: Takes Work

(Ryoutarou)

I drop Tohru off at Kanji’s and head to the station.

Of course I’m yanked right into Sakamoto’s office the second he sees me—Which I’m thankful for. Chie was barreling down the hallway yelling my name. _Already._

“What did you do now?” my old friend complains. “Someone from across the way called to gossip to me about you adding Adachi to your koseki. I’m willing to bet half the town already knows, too. They’re... _Talkative._ ”

I sigh and fold my arms. “So what if they do?” I challenge. “I don’t care anymore,” I tell him in measured words. Tohru’s more important to me.”

“Than even your job?” he demands. “Because keeping you on is gonna be _really easy_ with this latest development!”

_...Oh._

“Whatever,” I dismissively reply. “Everyone can deal with it. This is how things are.”

“He’s a _murderer_ ,” Sakamoto hisses. “I keep trying to tell you that this is _bad_ but you just don’t listen! No one is going to trust the cop who’s with the killer—”

_I am not doing this right now. I don’t need more opposition when today was going so well._

“Several of your coworkers were asking me—”

I abruptly turn away from my boss and head down the hall. I hear him grumble and follow me; can see him checking to make sure no one else is on our tail.

_Guess I’ll be coming in the back door from now on._

I step into my office and see Chie and Yamamura both turn to me like lost dogs. I groan, slapping a hand to my forehead. Sakamoto is right behind me, still grousing.

“Get up,” I bark at the other two, knowing if we have a job to do, then Sakamoto will give it a rest. “We’re going on patrol.”

“I have more paperwork,” Yamamura protests.

I can hear Sakamoto loudly sigh and turn back down the hall. I roll my eyes and shoot Chie a look, glad to be out of the woods. “You?”

“Can we walk?” the girl asks.

“No,” I respond with a grunt. “Too many morons making trouble for me.” I motion for her to follow as I collect the keys to one of the cars.

“Can I drive?” she questions.

“No.” _You get to run interference._

“Can we get snacks?”

“No.”

“Can I—” Chie starts up again.

“No!” I growl. “Just follow me.”

She pouts as I lead us to the vehicle that matches the key ring. I show her how they’re labeled and where to sign out a car.

“When did you get your license?” I ask, attempting to make small talk once we’re away from the station. I start on a loop around the perimeter of town, through a few areas where punks usually gather.

_The one shitty thing about the country... Kids don’t think they have as much to do._

Chie nods. “Mm-hmm!” she exclaims. “Took me a few tries, but I kept at it!” The girl pumps her fist excitedly, looking proud of herself.

“A few tries, huh?” I absently reply.

“Yeah...”

I raise an eyebrow. “What happened?”

“Well,” Chie sighs loudly. “There was this sign that came out of nowhere, I didn’t stop for long enough at a red light, and then I ran a curb downtown—It happens!” she defends herself.

I snort, trying not to laugh. _This kid is funny._

“Came out of _nowhere_ , eh?” I tease. Chie glares, unamused, and I sigh, running a hand through my hair. “I’m kidding,” I flatly tell her.

“Sure,” she rejoinders. “So was the instructor...”

_Ouch._

I can’t help laughing a little and when I look over I can’t tell if she’s angrier or just shocked to have seen me display a positive emotion. But then the girl smiles so I shrug it off.

We’re quiet for a while, until she decides to quiz me again. “So what does Adachi _do_ all day?”

“He’s been working with Kanji,” I answer. “I think he helps with receiving and delivering... And... _Ah—_ ” I clear my throat to stall, unsure what else he actually does. “Why—Why don’t we stop in there?”

Chie nods. “Okay! Nothing bad seems to be happening around here.”

I pull the squad car into Kanji’s driveway so no one can see it. Chie and I get out and start for the house when Tohru comes tromping through the door looking angry.

He lopes over and pulls me into a fierce hug. I can see that Chie looks pretty surprised at his open, public display of affection, but that’s only because she hasn’t been around us long yet. _This is nothing._

Chis throws me a questioning look and I roll my eyes. She goes ahead without me.

“Tohru, what’s—” I start.

“Kanji said people are probably being assholes,” he cuts me off, his gaze sliding away from mine. “And then I saw the car show up, so I figured that’s why you’d come out here when you’re supposed to be working.”

“It’s not—“ I sigh. _I shouldn’t lie about this._ “Alright,” I admit. Tohru peers up at me distrustfully, as if I’m still lying. “It’s not _great_.”

He nods a few times. “Yeah.” Then, more quietly: “I’m sorry...”

“ _Why?_ ” I demand. “ _You’re_ what I want. Don’t apologize because of other people.”

He bites his lip and nods again, and my stomach knots up. _I have this impotent feeling like I should be able to protect him and I can’t._

Tohru grabs at his hair; stumbles away from me. I step forward to catch up, reaching out my hand to touch his shoulder. I smile wryly. _I’m always stuck ‘catching up’ to him._

I drag Tohru to me, even though he’s protesting this time. “I love you,” I tell him, affectionately rubbing his back. I see a black look cross his face, but then Tohru smiles weakly; accepting it at least.

“Do you want to go inside?” Tohru asks. “Tracksuit’s already in there.”

“You’ve got to stop calling her that,” I snicker. “I don’t think she’ll like it.”

“She looks weird in a female uniform, with longer hair. And you know—Minus the tracksuit.”

I shake my head. “Never knew that kid too well, but she seems alright.”

Tohru snorts. “She’s not the top of my list, but she certainly isn’t the at the bottom, either.”

“Who’s at the...” I begin, but then shake my head. _Yuu_. _Or Kanji._

Tohru smirks, tugging on my hand. He leads me inside, and it’s unusually quiet. “Teddie and Tatsumi were playing cards while Kanji showed me— _Something_ ,” Tohru evasively fills me in.

I raise my eyebrows as we walk to the store. Kanji’s sitting on the floor with crochet supplies, and Chie is next to him. Teddie and Tatsumi are at the table playing cards. I have to laugh at the kid’s enthusiasm—He’s always willing to play a game with his Kaasan.

“Why’d you leave!” Kanji complains, glaring at Tohru. He thrusts a hook and yarn at him and Tohru looks extremely embarrassed as he takes them. “You asked what you can do.”

He turns to me, his face red. “I—I was le-learning to help them out!” he stammers. I feel a surge of fondness for him, and I reach out to rub his head. Tohru hems and haws before taking a seat with the other two.

I watch as he takes up the partially completed project, crossing his legs beneath him. I resist the strong urge to sit behind Tohru and wrap my arms around him while he works. _It’s so peaceful here._

I sweep my eyes around and study the people I care about—Most of them are in this very room.

_What if I did quit? Could I spend my free time here, too?_

_...Would I be forced_ _to crochet?_

I laugh aloud and the kids glance at me for a moment. Tohru backs into my leg so he’s touching me; sort of reminds me of a dog— _How he’s always wanting to be touching me and coming to find me._

“So you don’t hang around Yukiko much, even though you’re the only two still here?” Chie questions Kanji. _Good. Let him take the brunt of her inquisitiveness for me._

Kanji turns away from Chie to inspect Tohru’s work. “I ain’t got that kind of time. I’ve been busy...”

“Uh- _huh_!” she replies.

“I’m doing _well_!” Tohru pouts, yanking his project away.

I squat down to check it out myself. “What are you making?”

“A hat,” he tells me, still guarded. _As if he thinks I’m going to make fun of him._

I drape my arm around Tohru’s shoulders and his eyes flick toward me. “Can I have it when you’re finished?” I quietly ask, rubbing his neck.

He laughs nervously. “Why would you _want_ it? Just have Kanji make a better one for you.”

“Because _you’re_ making it,” I bluntly admit, hoping he can hear the sincerity in my voice.

“Dammit you’re something today,” Tohru mutters.

Content to stay here for a time, I take a seat with the others. Chie is still on Kanji’s case for not spending enough time with Yukiko. _You’d almost think that she—_

“Hey—” Tohru grunts, shoving me a little. “Ease up! Can’t work like this.”

I hadn’t even realized I’d been gripping his shoulder so hard. “Sorry,” I reflexively apologize.

 _You’d think Chie knows something the rest of us don’t._ I pull out a cigarette and am yelled at by Tatsumi. I sigh and put it away, studying the girl still needling Kanji—Who looks fairly uncomfortable.

“Where’s your coffee, old man?” Tohru asks, nudging me.

“Forgot it,” I absently reply. “In my car.” He laughs and watches Chie continue to drop obvious hints.

_Huh..._

Now even Tohru is prodding at him, as if he’s in on it, too. “What, you don’t have any free time? Too busy keeping the inmate knitting?”

_Am I the only one who didn’t notice?_

I watch the exchange between the three, with Tohru and Chie piling on the flustered Kanji. _Tohru’s probably just in on this for a laugh, but even he seems to have gotten it._

When I decide it’s finally time to go, I have this sinking feeling. I know that going back to the station is going to blow, and that running away won’t fix anything.

Tohru pushes me outside ahead of Chie, who’s moved on to talking to Teddie about new snacks and what limited edition flavors are coming up. “You know,” he trails off, looking at me sideways.

“What?” I ask, _finally_ yanking that cigarette back out.

“You don’t need to put up with that shit,” Tohru bluntly tells me, flicking on his lighter.

“Meaning...?” I sigh out smoke.

“ _Meaning_ ,” he repeats. “You have me now. Just remember that, okay?”

I frown; can feel my eyebrows drawing together. _What’s he insinuating?_

_I’m not going to be dead weight—Can’t do that. It’s not me._

Tohru sighs. “You know you’d tell me the same thing if our positions were reversed.”

I lean over and blow smoke in his face. “Cut it out.”

“Whatever~” Tohru sings, ducking out of the way. “Just remember I can do more than knit.”

“Sure,” I snort. “You _were_ crocheting.”

“Huh?” he asks me with a blank look.

_Oh for..._

“Never mind, Tohru,” I shake my head and kiss him. “Send the tornado out.”

He giggles at that and walks back into the house. I make for the car and start it up; ready to face whatever those bastards decide to throw at me.


	7. Results (Tohru)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Backing up to Tohru’s afternoon at the Tatsumis’. Then Ryoutarou gets him to go home. Ryoutarou and Nanako are being shitty to each other again. Tohru intervenes and he’s beginning to pretty get stressed about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it looks like I’m going with “every other day”, for posting. (But I HAVE been averaging more words per chapter than last time!)
> 
> I’m still working on it, but next is.... NANAKO’S SHADOW, GUYS!!!!

Chapter Four: Results

(Tohru)

Ryoutarou drops me off at work on his way in.

I’m a little apprehensive to spend time with Kanji after yesterday’s fiasco. “How’re you feeling?” I ask, itching at my head.

Kanji jams his hands into his pockets. “Okay,” he evenly tells me. “Still hacking up black stuff...”

“ _That’s_ no good—”

“You _think_?” he challenges, then shakes his head and sighs. “Never mind,” Kanji quickly follows up. “It’s fine—Just act right, dammit!”

“Whatever,” I reply, but follow him through the front door.

Teddie is working the loom while Tatsumi dyes fabric. “Hi Tohru!” the boy shrieks. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in—“

I cut him out with a laugh. “You saw me yesterday, idiot!”

Kanji turns around and glares at me. “Don’t be an asshole!”

Tatsumi giggles quietly, watching the three of us exchange our now-usual morning greetings. “Did you have a good evening?” she questions me when I drop my bag at the worktable.

I nod and take a seat. Teddie runs over and throws his arms around my neck and I have to pry him off. Tatsumi tells him to finish his work before playing around. He apologizes and runs back to the loom.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Tatsumi remarks in a low voice when Kanji walks into the attached house.

“Hmm?” I innocently hum.

“I’ve heard a rumor that you tried to _hurt_ Kanji.”

“...No,” I try.

Tatsumi looks me in the eye. “That so?” She raises an eyebrow. “Remember that boy is good to you. You’d do well not to cross any of us.”

I almost have to laugh at her, but then I remember that every person is capable of anything. _Especially if it’s to protect someone they love._

_Which is what I should be doing, by getting along._

“It won’t happen again,” I tell her.

“Mm,” Tatsumi replies. “You’d better not lie to me.”

“I do what I need to,” I sneer. The woman’s eyes flash, and then Teddie is over at the table with us, babbling about how we should go look at the pattern he just designed.

_Bastard’s trying to break the tension._

Tatsumi takes the bait and follows him back across the room. He turns around to show me a worried expression. I glare at him, and stay seated.

Kanji wanders back out a little while later, carrying a crate of... _Well, I don’t know what’s in there._

“You’re gonna learn to make stuff we can sell,” he tells me. “Here.” He holds out some metal hook-y things and tells me to pick one. I choose a medium-sized poker.

“It’s a crochet hook,” Kanji explains. “You wanna make a hat or a scarf?”

“Hat,” I decide.

“Good choice,” he approvingly tells me. I spend the next hour taking directions on how to make different stitches while he shows me the basics.

It gets almost silent for a time. I knit, going over my obligations for the rest of the week in my head.

“Congratulations, by the way,” Kanji mutters.

“What?” I ask.

He flicks his gaze at his mom and then Teddie. “I don’t think they know, but Ryota told me you guys got married today.”

“We did,” I carefully confirm, not looking up from my hat—It’s finally beginning to take shape.

“ _REALLY?!_ ” Teddie immediately zips to my side and is all over me, asking questions and patting my back and it’s really annoying.

“Back off!” I snarl, yanking my hook free to jab it in his direction.

Kanji is between us in a second. “ _No_ ,” he tells me, then turns to Teddie. “Give him space.”

Teddie retreats to the house by himself, probably sulking that I didn’t let him freak out. Tatsumi sighs and follows the boy while Kanji eyes me suspiciously, seeming concerned I almost turned his craft-thing into a weapon.

“You gotta cut that out, man!” Kanji demands. “Let him be.” He takes the hat fron me and threads the hook back through the open stitches.

“I don’t like his attitude,” I reply, getting angrier.

“You should appreciate it,” Kanji tells me. “I bet half the town’s gonna be out for a lynching. You need friends.”

I snort. “What’s _that_ mean?”

“You don’t think Dojima’s gonna get it at work again? You know damn well no one can keep their mouths shut around here. Everyone probably already knows about you two.”

“That’s not—“ I begin to protest, but then I hear Teddie screech that “Dojima’s here” and I realize maybe the punk’s right.

I set down the knitting stuff and glance at Kanji. “Go,” he sighs. “You can finish it after.”

I nod and dash out the door.

\---***---

Ryoutarou picks me up at the usual time and we go straight home. “We’ll order in,” he says, clearly wanting to avoid the stores.

“My fault?” I have to ask. He gives me a hard look and then turns back to the road. I reach over and rest my hand on Ryoutarou and he exhales loudly.

“It was a rough day,” he confesses.

I nod. “That’s why you showed up at Kanji’s, right?”

“Yes.”

There isn’t anything else to say. I let him know I’m texting Nanako about dinner so we can order at home.

Once there, I resolve to give Ryoutarou space. I head upstairs to play a game by myself so he can do whatever he wants to get through this. I take my usual seat on top of my neglected bedding—I am _not_ putting away this nice futon.

I use it to play games. It’s nice and warm. Fucking Teddie even sleeps on it. _It can stay._

Ryoutarou doesn’t seem to want to be by himself. He carries a novel into my room and climbs onto the couch behind where I’m sitting, laughing a little when he jokingly rests his foot on my shoulder.

I brush him off. “I need to work after dinner. Is there anything you need me for tonight?”

“Your company,” Ryoutarou sweetly replies, planting his foot in the middle of my back.

I press against him, snickering. “I see.” I pause my game and twist around to grab Ryoutarou’s ankle. I yank him towards me and bite down on his leg.

“Augh—” he grumbles as he almost slips off the couch. “ _Nn_ —Don’t do that. I told you _only_ earlier.”

“You said ‘today’,” I shrug as Ryoutarou jerks his limb back to examine my work. I can’t help grinning at him before turning back to the game.

“You going to ban shorts?” he grumbles, rubbing his calf.

“You don’t wear shorts,” I reply, waving him off.

Ryoutarou grunts, kicking me this time and I laugh. We’re at ease until I get a message back form Nanako with her order.

“She says it’ll be just her again, thankfully!” I relay, feeling relieved that I won’t need to dodge too many people again tonight.

“That’s nice,” Ryoutarou replies. “Just the three of us... _Family_.”

I turn to smile at him and Ryoutarou wraps his arms around me. “ _Say it,_ ” he commands, sticking his hand in my shirt and rubbing my chest.

“Family,” I sigh, and I can _feel_ his smile like the electricity in the air around me. “You’re my family.”

Ryoutarou pulls me up on the couch with him and takes my phone to order us all food. He keeps an arm wrapped around me while I continue to play games. When I hear Nanako arrive home, I start to complain and tell Ryoutarou to back off because it’s rude.

_I’ve actually been feeling less comfortable with his touchiness—Ironically._

Ryoutarou snorts and grips me tighter. “We’re fine. We’re at home.” He tips his head into mine. “ _You_ want me to stop being like this?” I feel Ryoutarou rub my arm, and it is nice—

_But—_

_I’m the one who started it. I’m the one who’s always been this way._

_When did he get to be like me?_

Nanako finally pokes her head into the room with us when she reaches the top of the stairs, and I think I see an annoyed look pass over her face. _He had to finally be okay cuddling me all the time when Nanako is at the peak of her annoyance with him. And it’s partially due to me._

“H-hi,” I say to her.

She stares us down, her gaze slipping from me to Ryoutarou. “What did you do all day?” Nanako edgily questions.

“Is that any of your business?” Ryoutarou arrogantly replies. I look over and see that he’s glaring right back at her.

I shoot Nanako a sad look and she wrinkles her face at me. Ryoutarou’s already shifting into his stupidly argumentative mood though, and he tightens his grip on me until I say “ow”.

“Can you tear yourselves apart long enough to eat?” Nanako asks in measured words, flicking her eyes back to her dad. _When did she develop her own condescending tone?_

“We’ll manage,” he grunts. “Did the food arrive?”

Nanako nods. “I took the food on my way home. It’s downstairs.” She turns to walk to her room, but stops herself. “Tohru-jisan,” she says. “Are you friendly with her?”

“With who?” I ask, lost.

“Aika,” she says, slightly confused. “You know she’s been asking for you.”

_R-really? Someone here actually asked after me?_

_Someone_ _who’s not a Dojima?_

“Why?” Ryoutarou questions, a clear frown in his voice. “What did she say?”

_He’s expecting more unwelcome criticism, isn’t he?_

I feel Ryoutarou’s attention shift to me and I sigh. “I used to order out a lot. Probably wants to know why I stopped.”

“Like she doesn’t know,” Ryoutarou mutters.

I elbow him. “I mean since I’ve _been back_.” I’m suddenly grateful for Ryoutarou’s neediness. I grab at his arm, feeling lightheaded. “I’ve only eaten with you or Kanji. We should stop in...”

 _I’m not going to panic_ —

“Do _you_ think I should go see her?” I ask of Nanako. “Did she sound like she wants to see me?”

“Was she a friend?” Ryoutarou asks, sounding more concerned. I peer around at him, but can see he’s now attempting to consult Nanako with nonverbal cues.

She plays along for my sake and tells us that it seems like Aika felt badly that I’ve been getting such a shit reception around here. That I should pop in with her sometime and visit.

 _That sounds like a less than decent idea. The last_ _thing Nanako needs is to be seen around town with me._

Ryoutarou seems to agree. “Tohru should lay low for awhile.”

“Why?” Nanako gibes. “What happened now?”

“ _Uhh_ ,” I hum. “Well we filed for the koseki today?”

Her eyes widen a little and it looks as if she wants to smile, but she’s still not budging—Simply doesn’t want to get along with Ryoutarou right now.

“Congratulations,” she tells us, her words clearly directed toward me. I roll my eyes at her, hoping she gets the message. If she does, she isn’t interested in listening.

“Thanks,” Ryoutarou says in a way that doesn’t sound a bit thankful. “We’ll be down in a minute.”

Nanako shrugs and enters her room. I try to pull away, but Ryoutarou sighs and doesn’t let go.

“You’re still making me wait until tomorrow?” he asks. “She needs an attitude adjustment.”

“ _You_ need one, too!” I hiss back at him. “You both need to lighten up and stop throwing me in the middle.”

Ryoutarou grunts unhappily. “If Nanako thinks she can hide behind you, she’s mistaken. If she has a problem with _me_ —“

“She does,” I tell him. “And we will talk about it, _tomorrow_ ,” I slowly order.

He finally lets go of me and I jump up. “I’ll bring you dinner. Just... Stay here and don’t talk to her. She’s still sorting everything in her head. Leave it alone.”

I can hear Ryoutarou flop back on the couch as I shut the door. I shuffle the short distance to Nanako’s room and knock on the door.

“What?” she calls from inside. “I’m working.”

“That won’t fly with me~” I reply, smiling despite the tension.

Nanako tells me it’s all right to open the door, and I do. “I already took my food,” she says, pointing to a meat bowl.

“We’re still having that talk tomorrow?” I ask her, leaning against the jamb.

“Yes,” Nanako nods, spinning her pencil around her fingers. Then she taps it on her desk and sighs. “Sorry I’ve been getting so annoyed lately.”

I laugh a little. “It seems like whatever your dad does gets on your nerves. We’ll try and fix it, okay?”

“Yeah...”

“I promised I’d help—You’ve gotta trust me,” I try to assure her. “I’m going to bring Angry’s food upstairs, and we’ll eat in the other room. Don’t—“

_Don’t remind me so much of myself._

“Don’t stay all cooped up in your room,” I finish. “We’ll stay clear so you can work downstairs, like usual.”

Nanako sighs. “Thanks, Tohru-jisan. But I want to stay up here tonight.”

“Are you okay?”

Nanako’s eyes slide away as she fidgets with her chopsticks now. “Mostly.”

“Okay,” I reply and close her door. _She doesn’t look like she wants to talk about it now._

Then I walk downstairs to pick up our food.

I sweep my eyes around the living room. _It’s pretty_ _dumb that we’re all cooped up in separate rooms when there’s all this open space down here._

I find the food on the counter, our rice bowls laid out with chopsticks next to them. _I don’t honestly know if I’m helping or making things worse._

_I know they weren’t on a good trajectory, but..._

_Did my coming back here_ _make their inevitable confrontation happen sooner? Who am I really helping, except for myself?_

I lightly pound the counter before I stack the bowls on top of each other. I shove the chopsticks in one of my pockets, and pull a bottle of iced tea from the fridge that I slip into the other. Then I’m walking back upstairs to eat with Ryoutarou on the small table in my room.

 _I wish we would all eat together. At the table. Or outside_ —

_Definitely outside. That would feel so much like..._

_Like a family._

_Like the family we’re promising to be._ I steady my breathing, hadn’t realized I was getting worked up.

When I make it back to the room, Ryoutarou is smoking and staring at the ceiling. “Hey,” he smiles at me.

_Smile at Nanako before I strangle you._

What I actually say is: “Hey.” Then I set down our food and pass him chopsticks. “We can share this, right?” I hold up the huge bottle of tea.

Ryoutarou smirks, exhaling smoke out of his nose. “Couldn’t carry cups, too?”

“Don’t be a wise-ass!” I snap, snickering.

We’re quiet as we start on our meals. I keep glancing at the window. _It’s almost fall. We won’t be back to eat outside for much longer._

“What is it?” Ryoutarou asks me, taking a swig of the tea.

“Huh?”

“You keep looking out the window,” he acknowledges. “Something out there?”

I chew the food in my mouth and swallow, feeling almost childish asking if we can eat outdoors sometime. But he’s staring so expectantly—so _openly_ —that I know I need to answer honestly.

“I-I was just thinking we should all eat outside sometime,” I ask, the words getting quieter as I keep talking. “Or, you know, we could sit on the deck or drag out a table or get yard furniture or—”

Ryoutarou laughs and throws his arm around me. “Yeah, we can do that!” He sets down his bowl, he’s guffawing so much. “I didn’t realize it was _that_ important to you, Tohru.”

 _My heart’s beating so fast!_ “It’s something...”

_Something I think family would do._

_Something_ _I’d want MY family_ _to do._

_And this is my family._

I take a deep breath. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He ruffles my hair, still chuckling, and I frown. “What?” Ryoutarou gibes. “It’s cute.”

“ _You’re cute,_ ” I mumble.

“What was that?” He gives me _such_ a smug look that I have to shove him away. “I love you,” Ryoutarou softly tells me before going back to his food.


	8. What I Thought (Nanako)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What’s Nanako up to after Tohru leaves her alone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve had a bout of writers’ block again. Sorry for taking so long to post! I think I’ll be able to streamline for a while now. I expect another chapter of “Yakusoku” on Friday night, and possibly one of “Bunten” before then :D

 

Chapter Five: What I Thought

(Nanako)

I eat my dinner while posting on a message board.

Lately, I’ve enjoyed hooking up with other people who know about personas. _I don’t need to tell the others—Tohru-jisan would probably be angry with me for putting myself out there, even if it’s only with a pseudonym._

It’s a cool place. I talk to the website administrators the most often. “at-low” and one of his close friends post the most fervently. They seem very interested in me because I’m the only poster who talks about “personas” versus the more common “demons”.

To gain access to the site you have to fill out a survey and are then vetted by at-low or his friend, who goes by “Cain”.

I have been asking around, getting tips for becoming stronger without having to go inside the TV World. _I don’t want to needlessly put myself in danger. I’ve learnt that I can get better by healing people or building things._

_I have been building models, helping out two days a week at Daidara’s shop, and I can heal with my—_

_Okay. I’ve found out it isn’t really a persona. It’s a demon, for sure._

_They’ve helped me realize that the way I got my ‘persona’ is way closer to how they claimed theirs than how Big Bro and everyone in Inaba got theirs._

_Sometimes I wonder if I should be telling them so much about the Investigation Team, but they seem like good people. They’re always willing to help me out; to help me problem solve and figure out how to make myself stronger._

_I’ve been on this website, Babel, for two years now. And I’m happy to have extra support without always needing to run to Teddie and Kanji._

_They probably assume I’m fine waiting on them to invite me along or to teach me what to do to improve myself, but that’s not true. I want to go with them now. I want to be helpful NOW._

Tonight I will be working even further ahead in English—possibly finishing out this year’s required work. Then I will stuff envelopes for a job I saw listed on the community board in town, and lastly I’ll be watching a horror movie to tone down my startle reaction.

 _I also need to schedule more time at the elementary school._ There, I’ve been helping children who are lagging with reading.

All of these activities have been carefully chosen to raise my wisdom, awareness, dexterity, bravado, and friendliness. I know that I’m lacking in some of these areas, and if I want to be a true part of the team, I need to give everyone a reason to respect me.

_I need to carefully select how I spend my time until I am just as proficient and strong as the others. It will take some time to catch up, but it will be worth it. I want to fight alongside my friends when they need me._

When my food is gone, I set the bowl and chopsticks aside to bring downstairs when I have time. Then I write a longer note to at-low, thinking about how Tohru has been sneaking around and going into the TV World. at-low doesn’t know about the TV World, so I’ve been sharing what I know.

In turn, he’s been telling me about a friend who uses radio waves to communicate with demons. _There are many more ways than we thought to get things done._

_How many people out there are harboring their own demons?_

I’m already doing the envelopes when I can hear Tohru sneaking down the hallway, again. _He wouldn’t sneak around if he were just playing games. He’d probably ask me to join him._ I hear him open his door, then close it behind himself.

_He’s leaving me behind, like everyone else._

I grit my teeth and leave my room. I creep after him, stopping at the door to his room. I can hear him getting dressed and checking his guns.

_No way—I’m coming._

Once I'm positive he's already inside the television, I silently open the door to his room. Sure enough, his oversized TV is sitting on the floor. _He just left._ _I should be able to follow if he hasn't blocked the path._

I jump in, holding my nose for some reason. _As if I’m leaping into a pool._

And it feels like I’m falling through a thick gel. It's similar to last time, but I can tell I'm headed somewhere different.

There's a blinding flash of light and—

_I find I'm crouching inside my living room...?_

"Noooo!" Tohru moans, dramatically falling to the floor. "Why?! _Whyyyy Nanako, why?!_ ”

" _Why_ aren't you including me?" I sharply counter, orienting myself. I stand and notice Ryota jumping up off the couch.

He rushes over to me, probably overly concerned. "You shouldn't be here," he agrees with Tohru.

"Why not?" I demand, brushing him off.

Tohru is pacing the room angrily, muttering to himself. Ryota takes this opportunity to pull me further away and whisper so Tohru can't hear.

"You don't seem stable right now. Your..." He shakes his head, knitting his brows together. "You're very upset about something. Your aura's unstable enough that you might produce a shadow."

"I can handle it," I brush him off. _Everyone else easily took care of theirs._

He shakes his he'd more vigorously. "No—That would be very _bad_. I think it would trigger—"

"What's going on?" Tohru whines, coming closer.

"Have you noticed anything odd about her persona?" he questions Tohru.

He shrugs. "No. It's just a persona. Why?"

Ryota gives me a look that says he knows I know it isn't a real persona. _He knows I need my shadow to get a persona and not this demon—_

_I realized after Tohru explained about the demons. This was an accident. It answered my call and I contracted to help him that day in the prison._

_It's not the same as theirs. Not as powerful._

_I need to at least be on even footing or I'll never catch up._

Tohru looks like he's trying to figure out what to do. He wanders off scratching at his head.

"It's not time yet," he evenly tells me. "You shouldn't rush this."

"I need to reach you all."

Ryota gives me a look I don't like—It's similar to the pitying face Dad makes when I've done something stupid.

"So where are we going?" I ask Tohru.

He turns around, seeming conflicted. "Let's forget the original plan and get you experience. All I have are guns that wouldn’t suit you. Can you use your persona for now? You're heavy on mana, right?"

"I think—" I try but Ryota answers for me, giving Tohru the specifics I can't.

Tohru nods. "Let's go." He calls for Black Frost and it appears from upstairs. "Take us somewhere we can practice," he tells it.

The snowman glances at me with a heavy leer, like he _knows_ exactly where I want to go. _The others won't know it, right?_

I harden my expression and I can tell he intrinsically _knows_. Black Frost waves his hands around and a dark light envelops us.

_He’s taking us to my seven-year-old version of Heaven._


	9. New Feelings (Ryota)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We’re backing up to see Ryota’s day, and going to when Nanako pops through the TV (as a fun little surprise). And so we begin Ryota’s Arc! The differences between humans and nonhumans shall become more pronounced and we’ll get to examine them a bit~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A kissaten is an old-style coffee shop that allows smoking. Japan is smoke-free in public places (everywhere outdoors) and only certain establishments allow smoking. Kissaten are usually for people waiting for trains or old men hanging out.

Chapter Six: New Feelings

(Ryota)

I bump into Kubo on my way home from the television station. I see him waiting for a train, so I hope off to chat for a minute.

"Where've you been?" he questions, shooting me a sarcastic look. "With Tohru?"

"Nope, but I’m going to his house in a while," I nod. "You work an overnight?"

"Heh, not yet," he replies. "I'm gonna be beat... I have six hours between the game shop and the arcade.“ Kubo yawns, glaring a little. “Tohru was supposed to invite me over for a marathon, but he never did.”

He shoves his hands into his pockets and I think he's pouting—Looks jealous, maybe. "But he has enough time for you, huh?"

_I‘m making sure he doesn't kill anyone or go insane._

_But I can't tell Kubo that._

"I-I’m just helping Ryou with something," I easily lie, then decide to change the subject. "Wanna get a coffee with me?"

I notice Kubo pull his hands back out of his pockets. He fidgets, sizing me up. "Why not?" he huffs. "You buying?"

"Okay!" I wholeheartedly agree. _Don't need to spend my money on much else._

We decide to skip our passing trains and duck into a old-looking kissaten. _This place is from Ryou's memories. He went here often enough that it has to be good._ I order two black coffees and a meat bun, then carry them to where Kubo is sitting.

"I'm happy for the company," I smile and hand him a coffee. "I don't have many friends."

Kubo nods in a way I can tell is mostly for appearances, eying the meat bun I was going to give him anyhow—He seems totally disinterested in anything but the free food.

“Would you like this?” I ask, wondering why he hasn’t simply asked for it.

“I-I can’t take your food!” he stammers. “Don’t be weird.”

"Why?" I prompt, sipping my scalding drink.

Kubo tries to have some of his own coffee and swears. "How'd you do that?" he demands.

"Not human," I chuckle. "I don't need to eat. This is just for fun."

"Lemme get this straight," Kubo starts, lightly smacking the table. "You don't need to eat or drink. But you invited me out for coffee because...?"

I shrug. "Sounded like a good time. Now do you want this?” I shove the food across the table.

"You're weird," Kubo mutters, taking the meat bun and having a bite.

"But maybe..." He says, his face flashing for a second and I think he's going to ask me for a favor. He sighs heavily and looks me in the eye. "I’ve been thinking—Wanna play a prank?"

"Okay," I readily agree, excited at the prospect.

"That was easy," Kubo snorts. "I didn't even tell you what it is yet." He gives me a look and goes on. "I'm sick of Tohru acting like he has everything and everyone under his thumb. So let's pretend we're dating. It'll drive him nuts—You're Dojima's shadow."

_—And you're a lot like Tohru—_

_—I can't do that._

I sip the hot coffee and mull it over.

_Can I?_

I take another sip of my coffee and conside the proposition. "For how long?"

"Till we're done with Naichou, I don't wanna end up all by myself while we're there with nothing to do. You can keep me company and piss him off. Win-win." Kubo smirks and finally starts on his own drink, cautiously lifting the lid and blowing on it.

_Win-win for Kubo, he means._

_But I won't be so lonely either, will I? Maybe I could push Tohru all the way out of my brain. I don’t like how often I find myself thinking about him._

"Okay," I nod. "But when did we start dating? What do we like about each other? How did we meet?"

"Ugh!" Kubo groans. "We met through them last week!! At least remember the _truth_!"

"Alright, sheesh!" I reply. I flicking my eyes around for a second—Different thoughts flitting through my head. I finally capture one and blurt it immediately. "Do we get to do couple things?"

"I guess, you weirdo," Kubo shrugs. "Call me Mitsuo?"

"Ryota!" I smile and he laughs, the first kind laugh I've seen from this guy.

"I already call you that."

_Right..._

_I'm getting a little carried away._

"When it’s time," Mitsuo says. "Let's show up for the ride together."

"You should just stay over!" I stupidly exclaim. I get a look I likely deserve. " _No,_ " I try to backpedal, shaking my head. "You live alone, right? I have roommates. It's fun!"

_Unless they're going nuts. But he's a human. I'll just message them not to be too crazy; let them know they can break this one._

"Fine," Mitsuo accepts more quickly than I expected. "My place is kinda lonely. But how do you have roommates?"

I grin. "They're like _me_!"

I receive a guarded look and Mitsuo asks if I’m sure they’ll be home. I blanch. “Y-yeah, but you wouldn’t want to meet them... Maybe.”

“Why?” he probes.

“You’ll see,” I sigh.

When we’re within range, I can tell that there are no guns today, thankfully. But it _is_ only afternoon.

I got return messages letting me know Marie and Elizabeth have gone to their own respective versions of 'work'. _We'll get to spend a little time in peace._

"This place is a mansion!" Mitsuo marvels. I unlock, then open the door with my powers and he startles at that too. "You really live here?"

"My roommates are a little crazy, like I mentioned. I don't think anyone's home right now, but..."

"I don't care!! What do you pay for rent?" he eagerly questions.

I shake my head. " _My life_."

Mitsuo gives me a weird look. _No way he could fathom._

I lead him to my room and Mitsuo drops his backpack on the floor. "I have a PS3 in here. Do you like games?"

"Can't say I've played a game before," I confess. "I can give it a shot."

"Heh, you're in luck~" he sings, pulling out some electronic boxes and controllers. He sets it up on my oversized television.

_He really does remind me of Tohru._

I sit patiently on a floor cushion and watch Mitsuo set up the system. He’s surprisingly careful with his things.

_Do I actually feel guilty? It’s not as if he’s a ‘replacement’. We're not even really dating, right?_

I pay attention while he shows me how to play the game he's set up. It looks easy enough, but Mitsuo’s assured me there's a lot of strategy to it. We lean against the wall, moving to sit on my messy futon.

I realize too late that my room is a sty. _This is only my second week as a human, but I haven't treated the place too well._

Aside from the futon I never put away, I've left my washed clothing sitting out. There is a pile of shoes in one corner of the room. And all the books I've read are stacked along another wall.

"Sorry for the mess," I lamely acknowledge.

Mitsuo giggles. "Do I look like I care?"

After an hour of games, Mitsuo tells me that he's hungry. I tell him nothing here is edible, and call for food. He takes a nap while I wait up for it and read.

I glance over at him every once in a while. _He said he’s working an overnight, and he’s human. Is he alright?_

_I don't know what I'm doing._

_You know, how did this happen? How did I end up with a sleepover and games and now I'm ordering food like a—_

I wrinkle my face. Like a real _human_.

When our orders of noodles arrive, I pay and carry it upstairs. As I pass Elizabeth's room, she appears from nowhere. Couldn't have arrived through the main door; I would've seen her there.

"Good evening~" she greets me. "Come into my room. I have to share something of dire importance."

I roll my eyes, but she insists it's the truth. "Let me give my guest his food," I reply.

"Mitsuo," she says. "I can tell. He's one of the reasons I need to give these to you."

I bring the delivery to my own room and shake Mitsuo's shoulder to wake him up. It takes a minute, but when he smells the tonkotsu, he's sitting immediately. "Nice," he grins, pulling his portion with him onto my bed. I'm about to complain, but remember I don't really need to sleep.

Back at Elizabeth's room, I knock once and enter. She appears a minute later through that blue door she keeps installed.

"Here," she says, handing me two boxes engraved with 'Ryoutarou' and 'Mitsuo'. "I know what you and the Fool did to the Emperor. Your other two friends don't have as strong a constitution. Both have tried to kill the selves in the past—Near-death won't cut it."

_I suppose Ryou trying to kill himself isn’t news, but Mitsuo too?_

She gestures for me to look inside, drawing my attention back to her. _Guns. One for each of them—And they feel powerful._

"Evokers," Elizabeth corrects, already having guessed what I was thinking. "Your generation wasn't meant to summon in this world. You'll have to wait for the next Fool, or you may use these." She smirks. "Just point and _click_!"

" _Super_ ," I reply.

_...Morbid._

_I don't want Ryou and Mitsuo to have to use these. But what's the alternative?_

"Thank you," I tell Elizabeth. "If this is the least damaging manner,” I attempt to fish.

She doesn’t reply.

I carry the boxes back to my bedroom, with Mitsuo's underneath so he won’t get nosey. _Don't want him to see this right now._

"So what happened?" he asks me. "Is one of the gun ladies back?"

I laugh. "Yes, but she said she'll keep it down today."

Mitsuo laughs and asks me if he can have whatever food I don’t want. I tell him I only wished for a taste. I try it, then pass him the rest. He hungrily wolfs it down. _It's kind of cute._

I walk over to my messy bookshelf and take down a bag of mixed KitKats. I pick a few flavors and carry them back to where Mitsuo is sitting. "Do you want these?" I ask him.

"Chocolate?" Mitsuo questions.

I nod. "I actually bought them for... Well, for someone else. But I want you to have them now."

He glances back at the bag. "Are you still gonna give Tohru the rest?" _Of course he knows._

"You can have all of them," I reply, feeling slightly embarrassed. I take the whole bag and dump the candy bars into his backpack.

Mitsuo laughs and drags it over to dig through. "Dude you could've just given me the big bag!"

"Oh," I sheepishly reply. "That's true..."

"Don't worry so much. I need to sleep more." He yawns and points at the video game controller. "Try beating the level I’m at. I'm stuck and you have special powers."

"What are they?" I quiz, getting ready to remember the button combinations.

But Mitsuo just giggles and lays back down, chomping on a KitKat. "I meant your _real_ powers! I'm stuck!"

He seems to find that hysterical. I boot up what turns out to be a puzzle game and complete a few levels while he dozes.

I'm finding myself inching closer and closer to Mitsuo. _I want to sit close to someone. Will he care?_

I nudge him with my foot a few times and Mitsuo opens his eyes. "You can touch me with your leg. I'm not gonna hit you."

"I thought you didn't like men."

"Don't be _weird_ ," Mitsuo huffs. He rolls over and picks up his legs, tossing them over mine. "Happy, Fakey?" Then he's sleeping again.

_He'll need the sleep when we get to Naichou._

_It's fun having someone else around. Even if they do have to sleep._

I sit there for a while, reading. When it’s almost time to leave for Tohru’s, I stand and put my things together. I hear a rustling and realize I woke my new friend.

"I have to go work now, if you want to sleep more," I tell Mitsuo. “You can make it back to the station on your own?”

"Yeah?” he yawns. “It’s fine, I’ll come with you.”

“Ooh,” I reply. “I’m going through the TV. But here—” I motion for him take out his phone. "Add me and I'll message you when I return." I hand my own phone over to Mitsuo and he adds our numbers, putting himself on speed dial.

"Happy?" he questions.

I feel a smile spreading in my face. "Yeah. Can I tell the others about us?"

"Why not?" Mitsuo shrugs. "They'll all find out. Tohru has a big mouth.” He motions me closer. “Here—Proof.”

Mitsuo sticks his head close to mine and makes a peace sign, not really smiling or anything. The flash goes off and he sets it as my background, laughing the whole time. “The fact that I’m not smiling makes it even better,” he tells me.

“I like it,” I admit. He just shakes his head and pats me on the back. “Go back to sleep if you don’t need to leave yet,” I say. “I’m going through the TV and I’ll be back in a few hours.” He tromps back to the futon and lays down in a heap. _It’s amusing._

“Do,” I begin, feeling anxious. “Do you want to come back here after you work?”

“Really?” Mitsuo questions, poking his head out from under the covers. _He looks so comfortable and tiny nestled in my big futon..._

“Yeah,” I happily nod. “I don’t need to work until tomorrow afternoon. I’ll be back before morni—“ I walk over to my dresser and take out a key. I fasten it to his bag. “Make sure you loudly announce your entrance if I’m not home. It’s safer that way.”

He cocks his head to the side, looking confused. “Just trust me,” I mutter. “I’m off!” I finally call, diving through my television.

_I always say that, even though the only people who could even care are Marie and Elizabeth. It’s a force of habit._

Coming out in the model living room, I decide to take a seat on the couch while I wait for Tohru. _Tohru..._

I push him from my mind, pulling out my cellphone to look at the funny picture of Mitsuo and I. _He seems like a good guy. It’ll be fun, even if it’s fake._

Tohru warps in and snidely quizzes me. “I’m looking at a picture of my boyfriend,” I nonchalantly reply.

“ _What?_ ” he spits, clearly not believing me. I motion him over and show him the photo. “But that’s _Mitsuo_!” He says, incredulous. “When did you two—”

“I don’t need to tell you everything, do I?” I try to sound innocent. _I know it’s a lie. I have been telling him everything._

_But I shouldn’t._

“No,” he replies after a pause. “You don’t have to. Obviously.”

I click my phone shut and slid it back into my pocket. _I should feel better than this. Why do I feel crappy?_

_I’ve already told myself I’m not doing this to ‘replace’ Tohru. I’m not taking advantage of Mitsuo. So what is it?_

“So when did you get together?” Tohru questions.

“The other day,” I tell him. “I saw Mitsuo on my way home and stopped him to talk. I guess we just realized it was an option.” I rub my arm and he narrows his eyes as if he knows I’m lying.

“Uh-huh.” Tohru appraises me cooly. But there isn’t time to talk more about it because suddenly Nanako is falling into the room—


	10. My True Self (Nanako)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nanako’s shadow! It’s pretty honest!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ryota’s persona has several extra arms, eyes, etc. This is where I got the idea that he can grow them himself. He figured it out and practiced when he saw what his persona was like :D It’s useful so he can be a navigator while protecting himself. I always thought it was a little unfortunate that navigators are left pretty open. In the anime, they travel with the others through the dungeon.
> 
> Milligramme mentioned to me that shadows have masks. I like to think that Ryota’s mask is his human skin. Teddie’s is his bear suit.
> 
> I have been really busy lately because of my classes and Masa having kidney problems :( Sorry for the slower updates. I hope I can get back to being quicker soon!!
> 
> Please take a minute to let me know what you think of Nanako’s shadow! I would greatly appreciate it :)

 

Chapter Seven: My True Self

(Nanako)

I open my eyes in Heaven. I know that's what it is—I’ve heard the others mention my world when they thought I couldn't hear.

_I don’t remember being here myself, bit I was very sick at the time..._

_It's beautiful. Exactly as I pictured it when I was a child. The other world I thought we'd all someday go._

_And I suppose we have, in a way._

Ryota is shooting furtive looks at me. _He knows._

Tohru simply wanders around, checking the place out. _I don't think he knows. Or doesn't want to admit it to himself._

“I’m going to transform,” Ryota nervously tells us. “So I can provide navigator assistance.”

“What do you mean?” Tohru asks. “Don’t you just summon your persona for that? Like the others I’ve seen?” He’s got one of his guns out and is fidgeting with the moving parts.

“No,” Ryota replies. “For navigating I use my persona as well as I use my own body, and the Ears of Philemon.” Ryota takes off his tee-shirt and folds it neatly. He sets it on a large rock and then walks a short distance away.

“Don’t be afraid,” he tells me, then turns to Tohru. “My skin will turn solid and I’m going to grow extra arms and—Ah—“ he rubs the back of his neck. “ _Eyes_. There will be lots of eyes.”

“We are our personas.” The man spreads his legs in a more athletic stance, and looks to be concentrating. “So I already have the necessary traits for scouting ahead. Though as I said, the ears aren’t mine,” he informs us. “They’re from Philemon.” _As if that explains anything..._

His skin appears to take on a shine as it hardens, looking almost like a tan-colored metal. At the same time, two appendages shoot out of Ryota’s back. They both sharpen to points, looking very much like swords.

Tohru backs up an extra few steps. “Woah,” he breathes. “You really are a shadow.”

 _All the eyes are a shock!_ His body sprouts a bunch of them, on his arms, neck, and chest. They blink open at odd intervals and are different shapes and sizes.

Lastly, two large, egg-like shapes appear to float by his real ears, taking on depth and detail. They stay ghosts of ears, not nearly as tangible as the rest of him.

“I’m ready,” he tells us, directing his gaze at me. _It’s a little freaky to see all the eyes staring practically through me._

We all wander around, looking for enemies. Tohru seems awfully suspicious. He keeps glancing behind us and fiddling with his pistol.

We don’t have to walk to far before my shadow appears, the only ‘enemy’ I believe we’ll find here. I feel a jolt of sluggishness zip through my body. A grogginess, as if a part of myself is separating away from my head. She forms up in front of me as Ryota backs away, drawing his own gun with another arm.

Tohru turns towards us, surprise clearly visible on his face. _He had no idea this is what was coming, huh?_

My shadow is more or less as I expected: she's me.

She appears physically older than I am—She’s taller, with longer hair and glasses. But her style is that of a younger me. She folds her hands behind her back and giggles in a terrifying way.

She still wears my old jumper. She still wears her hair in my old, twin-tail style. She still has my old expectations; I know it.

_But I'm disillusioned._

_I can't hold everyone to the same standard as I did back then. And she knows it._

"Nanako-chan!" she calls in a squeaky, distorted voice. "You've finally come back here! And look—Now I get to come out to play~"

" _What_ —" Tohru shrieks, teleporting next to me. " _Why?_ "

"Oh!" my shadow laughs. "Useless Adachi-san is here, too! And that man... He looks like a freaky version of Dad, but he's like me, huh?"

Ryota won't put his gun down and Tohru grabs my hand. "She's from _now_ , right?" he quickly whispers. "She's _new_ right?! It’s not like—“

I nod, squeezing his hand. "I've got this." I drop his hand and walk closer to the smiling girl. "What do you want me to accept?" I coolly question. _I’m going to keep my head._

"Aww, that's no fun!" she replies, grinning evilly. "You don't want to _guess_?"

I shake my head. "I know I don't want to be left behind. Is that all?"

"Well," my shadow sighs, fixing her hair. “No, that’s barely _scratching the surface_.” The thing sighs and quickly glances at the others. “You all expect her to be like me, and that’s not fair!” She pouts now, her features drawing tight as she frowns, sticking out her lower lip.

_I hate her—Acting so childish while pretending that she knows more than the rest of us._

_And she knows it!_

The shadow laughs shrilly, making fun of me. “Everyone wants you to be an adult, don’t they? They think you’re already there and there’s nothing they can do for you— _Hmmph!_ ” she harrumphs. “They act as if you have your life more figured out than they do. And _that’s_ not fair either! Why would I want to be an adult when all the adults around me are such _idiots_!”

I fold my arms, trying to let her have her tantrum while we all watch. _Yes it’s embarrassing, but they should know the truth._

_Tohru-jisan already knows, though. That’s why he was so upset when I called him out last week._

_Does Ryota know?_

“Look at Adachi-san and Dad,“ the shadow interrupts my thoughts with a cavalier chuckle. “They have _no idea_ what they’re doing with themselves! They’re so hot and cold, constantly fighting and making up.” She advances on Tohru. “You’re constantly bickering and _fucking up_!”

I stumble a step backwards at her words. _I’ve never sworn like that in my life—I’d never swear at Tohru-jisan!_

His face is ashen; he’s gone silent and is gaping. He looks like he doesn’t even know what to say to that.

“You two can’t lead your own lives on your own—” she spits, then turns again, wheeling on me this time, stomping over and leaning in close to my face. The stupid shadow towers over me and it leaves a sour taste in my throat. “Don’t you think it’s gross how they need each other so much? I don’t want to be like that—I want to be on my own so I won’t need anyone.”

“What about Teddie?” I evenly reply. “You don’t think you want him, either?”

“Of course I do!” she insists. “He does things on his own, and I like that. He can be _really_ clingy, but he doesn’t expect it from me. He’s about the only person who accepts me as I am. That bear knows I don’t have all the answers and neither does he—”

She walks forward again, forcing me to back up. “Unlike the _rest_ of them. They treat you as if you can fix everything. All of your problems _and_ theirs!”

_It’s true..._

_Sometimes I worry that everyone relies on my know-how too much, even though I’m the youngest._ I see my shadow glare at Tohru again.

_He’s the biggest culprit. He acts like I know everything about my household, even though Dad doesn’t listen to a word I say._

_So I stopped caring. And I think that hurts him—That he feels partially responsible that I turned out the way I have._

“Why would I want to be treated like an adult when I don’t know what I’m doing?” my shadow continues to rage and stalk around. “I hate that everyone expects you to reach a certain age and _just know_. From what I’ve seen, no one knows. If, by some slim chance you _do_ have a clue, you could die at any time, anyhow.”

_Oh no, don’t go there—_

“Mom was the only one who had herself figured out. She kept us together until one day she just _wasn’t_ there anymore… And _now_ what? Now you and Dad are always fighting or he’s giving out shitty advice you don’t need, while ignoring it himself. Stupid Adachi-san keeps screwing things up worse and worse—Getting dad dragged into this damn persona stuff—“

“ _Stop it!_ ” I finally find my voice, realizing my eyes are closed—That I don’t want to think about any of this.

I open my eyes to see Ryota standing next to me. I’m not sure how he got here without me even sensing him, but he’s right there, glaring at the shadow.

The shadow’s gaze is stuck to me, though. I can feel it piercing through my fears.

I feel one of Ryota’s hands on my shoulder and I look up at him. He nods serenely, as if he knows this is hard for me. _But I have to accept it._

“It’s okay,” I breathe the words. “I get you. I _know_ I have these feelings.”

“What?” the shadow shrieks. “You’ll just _admit_ it? That’s no—“

I shake my head. “It’s not all about ‘fun’.” I swallow my fear and face her full on. “In one regard, I’m smarter than you. I knew what you were going to say: these are my greatest insecurities. The things that have been weighing on me the most.”

“You’re just _acting_ like you’re above it all!” she cries. “Try all you want, but everyone else will still leave you behind. They’ll always be older and think they know more than you.”

“ _No,_ ” I clearly announce. “You’re wrong.”

I step forward, coming closer to the shadow than I’m comfortable with. “I will always be the youngest, but I won’t be the least knowledgeable. _I can change that_. Little by little I’m working hard to catch up and surpass the others. I accept your fears, but reject the conclusion.”

“N-no— _That’s_ —“ she fumbles her words. “You’re just—“

“Telling the truth, and you know it.” I hold up my hand. “ _You’re me._ ”

The shadow screws up her face in rage, but can’t stop herself from dematerializing and forming up into a brightly glowing figure. It shines like the sun and draws a saw-toothed knife. Golden wings flap out from it’s back.

“Per-so-na,” I pronounce the foreign syllables.

The figure speaks: “I am Utu, the embodiment of true justice. With my help, you shall disperse the darkness surrounding your future.”

With that, it dissolves to a mist that flows into me as I breathe. _I did it!_

I feel a tug on my arm, and it’s Ryota again. “I think...” he nervously begins. “You should go talk to Tohru.”

I look around for my ‘uncle’, but don’t see him anywhere nearby. Ryota points him out in the distance, and it looks like he’s sitting on the ground.

We walk over and my heart drops to my stomach. He’s playing with one of his guns, spinning the cylinder while the barrel points right at his face. “He—“ I glance at Ryota, worried.

“ _He’s not stable_ ,” the man tries to gently tell me. “But you already know that. I’ll wait close by.”

I start for my friend, again feeling the nagging fear that I don’t have all the answers.


	11. Necessities (Tohru)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tohru’s little tantrum, which ends with him getting called out for not acting human. Then we begin to set the scene for one of the bigger arcs in this story...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses where Tohru was in his dream? :D
> 
> Also Ryota is basically going full Eldritch horror...

 

Chapter Eight: Necessities

(Tohru)

 _She doesn’t need me._ When the shadow finally lets me be, I peel off from the others and find a space to sit by myself. _Ryota will protect Nanako. She has him now. He’s just like Ryoutarou..._

_No one needs me. I can’t help anyone._

I fidget with my gun, cocking and releasing the mechanism.

_The shadow—really, Nanako—thinks it’s my fault—_

_Those are her true feelings. Deep down, she knows that so much of this is on me._

I pull on the hammer some more, enjoying the resistance I meet.

_It’s my fault. If I hadn’t had been so selfish—_

I want to shoot myself.

_If I had stayed here—_

Why can’t I die?

_With them—_

I’ve tried before and I can’t do it. I couldn’t then and I probably can’t now, even if I wanted to.

_Then maybe Nanako could have had a more normal life. Maybe I could have been the family she needed. Too much time has gone by for me to fix everything now._

I stare absently at my Nambu, as if I’d forgotten it was even in my hand. _A gift from someone else who didn’t need me._

Releasing the cylinder, I know exactly how many bullets are inside. I haven’t discharged the weapon yet.

 _I can hear soft footfalls._ I can hear Nanako walking over to me.

“Nanako,” I try to tell her. “I _can’t_ kill myself.”

“Good! Put the gun away, or at least point it somewhere else.”

“No, you don’t get it,” I scoff. “ _I literally can’t!_ ” I fire the gun and she jumps away, screaming.

Ryota warps over to us and tries to heal me. But it doesn’t work this time.

“ _This—_ “ I tell him, pressing my fingers to the mark from the bullet. “I’m barely hurt!” I wipe my forehead and see a thick black liquid staining my arm. I frown, and the bullet pops out, landing in my hand. “You’re not the only one who can do that.”

I think Ryota is surprised, but it’s hard to tell with all those eyes zipping around. “You _shouldn’t_ be able to do that,” he says in a low tone, walking over to me. “What did you _do_ , Tohru?”

“I didn’t do anything,” I scoff.

“Is that the problem?” Ryota quizzes. “That you’ve not been performing human actions? Did the gunshot even hurt?”

“No,” I tell him. “And maybe I’ve been skipping meals... Skipping the toilet... Still can’t sleep...”

“And you’ve been _coming_ here.” Ryota folds two of his arms and transforms back to his normal self. “You know I told you to sleep!”

“I said _I can’t_!” I protest. “If I _can’t_ , then I _can’t_! Not my fault!”

The stupid giant walks over and glares down at me. “You _need_ to sleep and eat. Those are the most important!”

“Do I have to shower?” I try to joke, but no one is laughing.

“Do I need Ryou to babysit you?” Ryota challenges back.

“Oh, drop it,” I tell him and try to change the subject. “Let’s go home.”

Nanako is looking shaken, she stands a few feet away from us. “Can you keep this to yourself?” I ask her.

She squints, thinking. “Is he going to be okay?” Nanako rudely directs her question to Ryota.

“If he become a shadow?” he responds with incredulity. She nods. “He’ll probably be fine, yeah. But he won’t be human anymore.”

“Will you promise to start doing human things?” Nanako then asks of me.

_I like the freedom. I think it started when I began exploring the television with Black Frost._

_I don’t want to go back to doing human things—To being so fragile._

_This way I can protect_ —

“Do you promise?” Nanako reiterates, coming closer.

“No,” I tell her outright. “I wanna stay like this. I like it.”

Ryota glances at Nanako. _She looks like she might cry._

“No one tell Ryoutarou!” I blurt.

Ryota smacks me upside the head and Nanako winces. “Don’t be a moron!” he says. “Like he isn’t going to notice!”

I smirk. “He just thinks I’m strong now. He _won’t_.”

“But we know,” Nanako tries. “ _We know_ , Tohru-jisan. You’ve got to cut it out.”

“I’ll be with him at Naichou,” Ryota informs Nanako and I sigh. “I’ll make sure he’s acting right.”

I stuff my gun in my pocket and ask them again if we can go home. “Nanako faced her shadow. Let’s call it a day.”

The two of them exchange a look I don’t like and then agree. _Are they keeping secrets from...?_

_From me?!_

I warp us back through the television and we all come out in my room. The whole unhappy lot of us.

“I need to sleep,” Nanako yawns.

“So does Tohru,” Ryota mutters and I punch him in the gut.

“Stop it,” Nanako commands us and we do. She rolls her eyes and hugs Ryota goodbye.

“I—” Ryota’s eyes flick to the floor. “I need to get back to my boyfriend. He’s staying over and I want to spend more time with him.”

“What?” Nanako asks, as surprised as I was. Ryota grins and nods.

“Yup!” he tells her. “Mitsuo!!”

Nanako wrinkles up her face as if she can’t imagine. _Neither can I, Nanako. Neither can I._

“Then get going!” I huff, pushing him towards the TV.

“Bye, Nanako!” Ryota waves as I shove him through the screen. “Bye, Tohru!” he pokes his head back out and I shove it back inside.

“He’s funny,” Nanako giggles, I think forgetting all the tension of maybe ten minutes prior.

“Yeah,” I scoff. “A real laugh riot. I’m going to bed.”

She stares at me for a minute. “You’ll sleep, right?”

I groan and nod. “Yes, okay?” I leave her behind, heading for my other room. I hear Nanako sigh and walk to her own room.

I slide the door shut behind myself and lean against the wall. _Ryoutarou looks so happy sleeping there. Maybe I could—_

I take off my clothes and bury the ‘battle ready’ pieces in my half of the closet. Then I slide under the covers and try to sleep.

_This is the first dream I’ve had in a while..._

_I’m in a room. I think it’s supposed to be my room._

_I’m laying on a futon and the light is off, like I live here. Like I’m supposed to be sleeping here._ I feel to the side of me, but Ryoutarou’s not here. _Just the wall._

 _Damn, that would’ve made it a better dream._ I sigh—

_Wait, ‘sigh’? In a dream?_

_It feels so real..._

_Okay so what do I do?_ I sit up and look around. There is a dresser with stuff stacked on top, a small table and cushions, pictures and a kimono on the wall, and I think I see the light cord.

I stand and start to reach for the cord when it feels like there’s an earthquake! I’m shaking and shaking and—

“Tohru, wake up,” Ryoutarou yawns. “It’s time to get going.”

I open my eyes and I’m back in my own room with him. _Whew, that’s better!_

“Ryoutarou~” I roll over and hug him.

“Unh,” he mumbles. “Damn you’re energetic today. It’s like you didn’t sleep at all...”

“’Course I did. You just woke me up, right?” I ask him. “That means I slept.”

“Well yeah,” Ryoutarou laughs. He gets me in a headlock and holds me to him. “Let’s go get ready.”

“Then lemme up!”

Ryoutarou chuckles and lets me go. He stands and stretches while I sit there and try to figure out how I would even know if I _was_ sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, remember that quote in the last story where Tohru said he thinks he would’ve died if he could’ve? And we just glossed over it? Just wondering if anyone remembers.


	12. People Who Aren't Used to People (Mitsuo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, we’ve got another cynical guy. And we get to learn more about him and his past today! Looks like Mitsuo is getting all the attention he ever wanted and more! Let’s see how he deals with this.
> 
> Here’s Mitsuo’s first chapter! Who’d have thought he’d be a main character back when he murdered Ryoutarou?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wrote a lot of this during my break. I was excited to try out this new pairing.
> 
> So there's two days in a row. I'm getting back into my groove a little. We'll see how long it takes me for the next chapter...

Chapter Nine: People Who Aren’t Used to People

(Mitsuo)

After Ryota leaves, I lay there and wonder what the fuck I’m doing.

I don’t quite know how I ended up here, tricking Ryota into fake-dating me and buying me whatever meal that was and now I’m sleeping in his futon whine he goes to work.

_Like, what?_

I bury my face in the pillow, not particularly knowing what to do next. _It smells ni—_

_Wait, what the fuck am I doing?! He even gave me a key! He is sooooo trusting. My own family won’t even give me a key!_

_...Well they did tell me never to show my face again, so that could be why. But Ryota acted like that was so normal, hooking it to my bag like I’m actually welcome here._

I’ll need to get going soon if I’m going to make it to the arcade. But lying down in this stupidly large, comfortable futon, I don’t want to go anywhere.

After a few minutes of ignoring my problems, I find my cell phone and dial the owner. “Hi,” I say in a nasally voice, trying to sound sick. “Ish Kubo.”

“Mitsuo?” the old man asks, sounding too worried. “What is it? Are you calling out?”

“Yeah,” I nod, even though I’m talking on a phone.

He sighs, and I feel a prickle of worry, myself. “You know,” the man starts. “People told me I shouldn’t hire you, what with your _background_ and all, but...”

_...I’m going to get fired._

“But I didn’t bother with all that, and look at me now,” he says.

_FUCK!!_

“Mitsuo, you haven’t called out sick once in three years!” my manager finishes. “Don’t worry. Just get some rest. I know you won’t be coming in from Thursday through Sunday, so just take tomorrow, too. It’s alright.”

_...What?_

“I—I don’t understand!” I quickly reply. “You—You’re ju- _just_ —“

“Don’t worry,” he kindly reiterates. “I’m sure you have a good reason.” The old man hangs up and I’m left in shock, wondering why I even did it in the first place.

 _Just to spend more time with Ryota?_ _That’s ridiculously dumb._ _I could’ve lost my job._

_But I really do want to sleep here some more..._

I roll over and hug the pillow, reveling in my apparent ‘sick day’. _I guess I can relax for once in my life._

The next time I wake up, I find that Ryota’s moved me so that I’m laying on his lap. _It’s kind of annoying, but I knew he was a touchy person before I agreed to stay over._

There are more blankets on top of me too, even though it’s pretty warm. I only get aggravated when he starts rubbing my head and playing Fifty Questions:

“Did you sleep well?” “Did you have a dream?” “How did you finish work so quickly?” “Did you get cold?” “I put that blanket on you because I was worried and then I thought maybe it wasn’t enough so I added another.” “Are you hungry again?”

“Okay okay!” I complain as I slap his hand away. “That’s enough!”

A hurt look passes over Ryota’s face as he mumbles an apology. I sigh and sit up. “You’re overwhelming me,” I tell him in a calmer tone. “One at a time...”

"Are you hungry again?" Ryota chooses his question, nudging me. "We can order more food or walk to the konbini."

_Shit—I need to go to the ATM. I was going to go after I got off the train, was planning to hit the super on the way home._

"I wanna walk," he muses aloud. "Can we go for the walk?" Ryota sits straight up and stares plaintively, almost like a lost dog. I blink a few times and shake my head, trying to process everything.

I can tell he’s studying me to see how awake I am. "How much do you normally sleep?"

I yawn, not quite awake. "About as much as most people, I think."

He nods. "Okay. I can get the food if you tell me what you want." He jumps to his feet and I notice the television screen. _It’s a different game._

"Hah!" I laugh. "Did you get stumped, too?"

"No!” he protests. “I finished that game an hour ago. I put the racing game in because it looked fun."

_...No shit._

"Really?" I dubiously question. Ryota nods and explains the last few levels. _Woah._

"Can we play together when I get back?" he anxiously asks me.

I nod slowly, remembering he said he'd walk to the market. "Uhh, yeah. But if you hang on I'll come. I need to go to the ATM anyways."

"It's okay," he waves me off. "I have plenty left from the TV station and the Inn. I don't pay rent or need to buy food. Or need to buy anything, actually. I only buy clothes because it's fun, and snacks for Tohru and Teddie because it makes them happy."

He walks over to a corner and pulls out a small box. "They gave me a little to start with, before I started working, and told me to keep the money in here," Ryota explains as he lifts the lid. _There's more in there think I make in a month!!_

_How long has he been alive for?!_

"Oh, ah," he stammers, looking a little embarrassed. "The station pays in cash. I couldn’t get a bank account before..."

"What do you _do_?" I ask, confused.

He takes out a few thousand yen and snaps the box shut. "Security. They said no one's gonna harass the personalities with me around. I was getting paid under the table for a while because I didn't have documentation. Now I can pay _taxes_!" Ryota grins— _Actually grins like that's a good thing._ Like he _wants_ to pay taxes!

I pull on my sweatshirt and we leave Ryota's room. He tells me not to answer any questions I don't feel comfortable about, but we don't run into any people on the way out. _What kinds of questions would his roommates ask?_

We walk along the lonely road into the town where he technically lives. Ryota points out a few restaurants and pubs, but I assure him I'd rather just grab a bento and head back. _I don't like being around a lot of people._

_Most others make me nervous, as if they can see my whole life with at single glance. As if they know everything I've done and the dumb decisions I've made._

_I don't want Ryota to know all this, so I keep it to myself. He doesn't seem to know or care about the murder._

_...It was stupid to think that would make people pay attention to me._

In the market, there are only a few people milling around. We split up and I check out the prepared food while Ryota hunts for canned coffee.

I take a pork bento off the shelf and feel a knock on my arm. "Aah man, watch it!" someone barks.

"Tch," I can't help vocalizing. _He bumped into me._

When I turn to head to the register, I hear the asshole gasp. "Woah!! Look at his eyes— _Scary!_ " He and his friend snicker as I walk away.

_Typical. Not my fault I was born this way._

Ryota has already checked out; is beaming and holding out a can of cold coffee. "Take this," he tells me and exchanges it for my food. I use the ATM while he buys it for me.

_Why should I argue if he really doesn't need money? Tohru was right: I do live paycheck-to-paycheck. Anything helps._

I sip the coffee and hang around near Ryota while he waits for his change. Then Ryota carries our bags and finishes his own coffee outside. We pitch the cans and start back to the house.

"I know what it is," he says about halfway home.

"What is?" I repeat, lost.

He points to his eyes. "You don't have irises. It’s Aniridia, right? It looks neat."

I groan. " _What?_ You heard those assholes back there?" He nods and I sigh. "Stop it. I—I don't need you to tell me it looks neat. Don't lie."

"I'm not," he replies, miffed. "I mean it. It makes you different, unique." Ryota scowls, for the first time I've ever seen. "I _don't_ lie."

"That right?" I glare at him.

"What'd I say?" he challenges, and I finally catch some of the cop's nasty attitude. _They generally seem so different._ "People are rude; you should ignore them."

_I guess to someone who's a carbon copy of another guy, something individual seems cool. But I don't like it._

Ryota reaches down for my hand and I dodge. "You know we're fake-dating, right?" I remind him.

"You want it to be believable?" he smartly replies. I roll my eyes and hold out my hand. "Don't wanna look too stiff in front of everyone else, yeah?" I can see him smirking when I glance over.

At the house, someone has a radio on. Ryota pokes his head into a sitting room to greet them, and I hear a women's voice. He motions me over.

"This is Mitsuo," he tells a black-haired woman. "He's my fake boyfriend." She gives him a cynical look and he adds that it's to "piss off Tohru". Then she cracks up, smacking the notebook she's holding because she can't stop. “Mitsuo, this is Marie-chan.”

"Aren't you the weather lady?" I ask.

"She's also a Gun Lady," Ryota adds.

She glares and raises her eyebrows. "Stupid-room-mate-watch-yourself."

"What?" I blankly ask.

Ryota chuckles. "She think she's talking to herself. We can hear you _clearly_ , Marie!"

She smiles a little and then Ryota's ushering me up the stairs.

We hear an explosion coming from a door that's been painted blue. We both jump, and Ryota instinctively throws his arm in front of me, looking terrified.

"Th-that's the _other_ one," he whispers after we've made it back to his room. “Everyone else is transient, and guests stay downstairs.”

Ryota watches me while I eat, which I find disconcerting. It makes me feel weird that he doesn't need to eat, but clearly likes food.

"Do you need to get anything before we meet up with the others?" Ryota asks me. "Do you have a television I could fit through?"

"I have a desktop computer," I reply.

"That'll work—It’s online, right? You've already faced your shadow, right?" he questions. I nod and he goes on. "Okay, whenever you're ready, we can go get your stuff."

_I'm definitely curious._

When the food it gone, we both stand by Ryota's television. He holds his hand out like earlier and I take it. Then he sticks his upper body into his television, and I can tell he's looking around.

He pulls his head back out. "You've got a lot of anime stuff?"

"That's my place," I nervously laugh.

"Let's go," he smiles and boosts me through first. I emerge in my gloomy, six-mat apartment.

I unfortunately land on my keyboard, which I move before Ryota climbs through. _He’d probably break it._

I grab a second backpack and stuff clothes, games, and sundries inside. I keep an eye on Ryota—Which is easy in a one-room apartment. _I don’t even have a kitchen._

He’s wandering the small space, looking at everything. I don’t mind, except when he tries to open a case of figures. I slap his hand and tell him “no”. He apologizes profusely, staring at the stupid figurines like they’re made of gold.

“Where are your pictures?” Ryota asks me, starting to look under magazines and in drawers.

I slam one shut and sigh. “I don’t _have_ pictures.”

“Why not?” he questions so innocently. Ryota looks at me as if this is the saddest thing I could’ve said. “Where are your pic—“ he starts to repeat, as if my last statement didn’t compute.

“ _Ryota_ ,” I bite out his name and the man stops speaking and cocks his head to the side. “I _don’t_ have pictures,” I tell him again.

“Why not?”

“ _AUGH!!!_ ” I smack my thigh in aggravation. “Sit—“ I look around and realize I don’t have more than one chair. “Just sit.”

He does as I tell him and stares up at me. “What?”

“I...” I pinch my eyes shut and wave my hand around. “I was disowned. My parents gave me enough to cover the fees for renting an apartment and let me take one load of my things. I did not take any pictures.”

Ryota stands and flicks his eyes to the floor because I didn’t say he could stand up. I roll my eyes wave him off.

He grins and hugs me. “Send yourself the picture you took with my phone!”

“I don’t need it,” I grumble, feeling confined. I start to push him away and he backs off again, staring at me questioningly. “You’re right here, why do I need a picture?”

That makes Ryota smile even more broadly and shove his cell phone into my hands. “Send it to yourself!” he insists. “Show me how.”

I’m a real sucker for teaching people how to do things. So I show him how to send the picture and how to take more. He immediately leans down next to me and tries to take another picture. The camera flashes and I flinch.

He spins his phone around and makes a disappointed noise. “It didn’t work...”

“You can use the other camera,” I explain, demonstrating how to flip the picture around.

“Woah,” he breathes, trying it out for himself. He leans back down and takes like five more pictures of us. “Haha!!! Neat!!” Ryota then sends me all of the pictures.

_I feel like I shouldn’t have done that..._

Ryota starts taking pictures of my room, still grinning like an idiot. “Okay, stalker!” I sigh. “Cut it out. You can come here whenever you want.”

“Really?”

“Yes, now chill!” I moan. “Come here. Let me show you how to delete pictures.” I only have to show him once—Ryota absorbs new information like a sponge.

“Let’s go back to your place,” I finally tell the man who’s _still taking pictures of my stuff_. Like he’s casing the place or something.

“Why?” Ryota asks, apparently his new favorite word.

“My games are there. There’s nothing to do here. Let’s go.” _It’s depressing here. I don’t like hanging around here when I’m alone, I don’t want the atmosphere to infect someone so happy as Ryota._

He shrugs and tries to take my backpack away. “I’ve got it,” he automatically tells me.

“I can carry it myself. You don’t have to do things for me,” I reply, getting annoyed.

“But I want to,” Ryota insists, still trying to take my bag.

“I said I’ve got it,” I tersely reply, jerking my backpack back.

Ryota shakes his head and tries to pull it away from me again. “It’s easier for me—“

I yank it away from him and climb up on my desk. “ _Dammit!_ I’m not Tohru!!” I shout. “You don’t gotta do things for me!”

Ryota flinches backwards, closing his eyes and holding up his arms like he thinks I’m going to hit him. “I-I—“

I clench my fist and hurl my backpack to the floor. “Look, just be normal! You act like you think you have to take care of me because I asked you to be my fake boyfriend. I can take care of myself. I’ve done fine up till now. If you crowd me, you’re going to annoy me.”

He opens his eyes and lowers his arms. “Ryota,” I say his name. “I’m not going to hurt you or something. Just give me enough space to _breathe_ on my own. Okay?”

Ryota nods and picks up my bag to hand it back to me. I sigh and take the handle. “I’m—I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I’m not used to people being around the time.”

“I’m not a person,” Ryota protests.

“But you are,” I say. “You’re a person to me. And I’m not used to this. So try to help me, alright?”

“Okay!” Ryota immediately replies and I feel like shit for having yelled at him a minute ago. _He’s always so happy, like a kid or something._

I crawl through the television first and land on Ryota’s floor. It hurts a little.

“Sorry,” he says as he sticks his head through the portal. “I should’ve gone through first to catch you—” He stops when I glare up at him, and then rolls his eyes.

“What’d I just say?”


	13. The Sum of My Work (Ryoutarou)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tohru’s being weird again. He can’t keep in control of his frustration for very long and it’s driving Ryou nuts. So is Chie.
> 
> Just a quick chapter about the daytime. Next time we're going back to our new guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on setting up a patreon. I've been at this series since April and if you like my work, please consider donating to me~ I'll be offering different gifts for each donation, so stay tuned. :D

Chapter Ten: The Sum of My Work

(Ryoutarou)

_Tohru was being weird this morning._

_He kept getting spacey on me. Didn’t complain when I made him shower. Put on real pants instead of shorts. Wouldn’t eat—Practically slapped the toast out of my hand!_

As we drive to Kanji’s, I wonder what the hell I can do about it. _Maybe he can help me._

I park the car and Tohru shoots me a questioning look. “I can’t come in?” I ask around my cigarette. I stub it out as Tohru exits the car.

He walks around the car to meet me, waiting for me to walk with him. I grab his hand and he just stares at where we’re connected, like he doesn’t care about that kind of thing right now. _Also weird._

So I drop his hand. He just keeps staring.

“Snap out of it!” I bark at him, and Tohru flinches. _That’s..._

“S-sorry,” he replies. _That’s even weirder._

_I’m not waiting for Kanji to fish it out of him._

“What’s going on?” I ask, spinning him around so I’m facing away from the house. I back Tohru into the side of the car and stare him down. “You’re acting off again. _Tell me_ ,” I demand.

“It’s nothing!” Tohru blurts and shoves me away. “We have to get to work!” He digs his fingers into my shoulder as he shouts.

_What the hell caused this change?_

I grab his hand and gently pry it off. “What happened?” I try again.

“ _Nothing_ ,” he reiterates, gritting his teeth. I can see them grinding as he snarls at me.

I run a hand through my hair— _I don’t want to leave him here like this!_

But Tohru dodges around me and sprints for the house. He’s inside before I can even take a single step.

Trudging over to the house, I want to grab for another cigarette, but know Tatsumi won’t let me inside with it. I go back to the car and grab my coffee. I carry it inside and find Kanji and Tatsumi sitting at the table, but Tohru is nowhere in sight.

“Where’d he go?” I question.

Kanji shrugs. “He went to the store—Why? He in a bad mood?”

“He’s in a _weird_ mood,” I carefully reply. I take a seat with them.

“You think Kanji’s going to know more than you, Dojima-kun?” Tatsumi smirks. “ _I_ probably know more than him.”

“Yeah yeah...” I mutter, sipping from my thermos. I look at Kanji, smiling weakly. “I don’t like it. He doesn’t communicate.”

The two of them laugh, really cracking up. “Says the most stolic man I know!”

“Stolid,” Tatsumi corrects her son, patting his hand.

“Tch,” Kanji vocalizes. “He knows what I mean.”

“It’s frustrating,” I mumble into my coffee.

Tatsumi nods in acknowledgement. “It is,” she says, tapping Kanji’s shoulder. He lours, turning away.

“I guess I’d better go say goodbye,” I tell them, standing and walking to the store.

I find Tohru and Teddie together, with the smaller boy trying to hug Tohru. Tohru’s actively pushing him away, protesting in a whiny voice. I clear my throat and they jump, their faces turning towards me.

“He keeps trying to hug me,” Tohru growls.

“I can tell he needs it!” Teddie insists, still trying to wrap his arms around Tohru.

I fold my own arms. “Do you?” I ask Tohru and he glares.

“ _No_.”

“Teddie,” I sigh. “How about giving us a few minutes?”

The boy nods sadly and tries to embrace Tohru one more time. He’s shoved away and then runs off back into the house.

“Something is obviously going on,” I level with Tohru. “I don’t want you keeping it in until it gets overwhelming. I feel like we just talked about this.”

“I’m thinking about something. Nothing’s ‘ _wrong_ ’,” Tohru continues to insist. “I need some time to figure this out, okay?” He turns away and I can tell he’s getting angry with me.

“ _Fine_ ,” I concede. I walk over to put my arm around Tohru. “I love you,” I tell him before I walk back into the house to get on with my day.

As I pass back through the kitchen, I tell the others to let me know if anything happens.

“You got it,” Kanji nods. Teddie looks unsure of something, but I don’t press him.

At work, it seems like it will be a good day. Nothing’s been called in overnight, and we’re nearing the bottom of the mountain of paperwork Yamamura and I have been at for months.

Chie is not a fan of deskwork. “I wasn’t even here for these cases,” the girl complains, leaning back in her chair. “I don’t think I should be filling these out...”

“You’ll get it done, Chie,” I tell her and Yamamura giggles. I put down my pen and regard him. “Something _funny_?”

“No, Sir!” he replies, still smiling.

“No, _Sir_!” Chie mimics.

I smack my forehead. _This kid’s going to throw off our whole dynamic._

“Chie?” I ask her.

“Mm-hmm?”

I give her a look. “Be a smartass and you can finish my share, too.”

She puts her nose to the grindstone after that, and gets it all done before lunch. It’s a relief to finally be free of everything that was hanging over my head even before I left for that brief ‘vacation’.

It’s my turn to pick up lunch, so I grab my jacket and start to leave my increasingly cramped office. I’m almost to the back door when I hear Chie.

“Wait!” she calls to me. “I’ll come with you, Dojima-san!” The girl rushes to catch up while I debate making a break for it.

_Dammit. I can’t outrun this one._

“Why do you wanna come with me?” I ask, trying to be conversational as I light up a cigarette.

She frowns at the smoke in the building, but doesn’t say anything about it. “You look like you could use some company.”

_No thank you._

“You know,” she tries again. “We’re working together and all. We should get to know each other!”

_The last time I ‘got to know’ a coworker, I fell in love with a murderer. I’m all right._

“And, uh, you’re so quiet!” Chie finally states as we pass through the back door and leave the building. “So let’s learn more about each other,” she concludes.

I lead us towards the cafe on foot while she babbles in about how she studied real Kung-Fu in Tokyo, as well as judo. Then, when I don’t have anything to add about myself, she goes into detail about her time at the academy.

By the time we’re at the cafe I’m hoping she’s all talked out. No such luck.

Chie orders for all of us, reminding me the subs here are good. I grudgingly pay and she carries the food back for me.

“You gotta talk too, Dojima-san!” Chie chastises. “I haven’t learned anything about you, except that you got married to Adachi.”

“He’s ‘Dojima’, now,” I correct.

“See! There’s something I didn’t know,” she enthusiastically points out.

I sigh. “You want me to tell you about a Tohru, then?”

“Well,” Chie considers my offer. “I’d rather know about you. _We’re_ working together.”

_Damn she’s persistent._

“What do you want to know?” I try.

“Hmm,” Chis hums. “Well why’s you decide to be a police officer?”

I laugh. _No one knows a thing about me._

“I had _goals_ ,” I tell Chie. “ _Good ones_. I wanted to protect my family and my city,” I count off on my fingers. “I wanted to reform the procedural bullshit that makes justice take too long. I wanted to ‘get the bad guys’.”

“Yeah?” she grins, looking all fired up. “And you did?”

I sigh heavily. “No, not really—I can’t catch the people who matter, we did a pile of paperwork today, and I’m married to a convicted murder. All I’ve learned is that everything isn’t so black and white. It _can’t_ be. If it were...”

“Then you’d think you maybe made the wrong decisions, huh?”

“Yes,” I confess. _I need another cigarette._

I pull one from the box in my pocket and light it with matches. I smoke in peace for a minute before the peanut gallery is at it again.

“But you did everything you thought was right, didn’t you?” Chie remarks. “And you followed all the rules...”

“The older I get, the more I worry that by-the-book isn’t the proper way to get things done, but I’m realistic enough to know I won’t be the guy who changes it. Chie,” I sigh and watch the smoke curl up to the sky.

“The whole system needs reform. Seeing firsthand what happens to inmates—really caring about one of them—it changes you.”

She’s silent, hopefully considering my words. _I’ll never know all of what Tohru went through, but it was frustrating enough being on the outside._

_No one’s stepping up to make a difference. No one cares. Once they’re out of temporary jail and into the system, they become another statistic._

“I bet it does,” is all Chie has to say. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Thank you,” I nod, and stub out my cigarette.


	14. Like a Human (Ryota)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryota enjoys having a place where he fits in. He hangs out with Mitsuo and his roommates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m very much enjoying these two ^^ I hope you are, as well. Thanks for reading!

 

Chapter Eleven: Like a Human

(Ryota)

“I have to take off for the Inn," I tell Mitsuo. I grab the big bag filled with oversized books that Yukiko gave me.

Mitsuo gives me a funny look. "The Inn?" he questions.

I nod. "Yes. I do odd jobs and I'm learning tea ceremony!"

"No way!" he laughs. "You? You're _blond_ —The dye’s worn off. And you’re so tall!" He rolls around, cracking up.

"I know how...” I reply, feeling a little hurt. "Sort of—But I'm relearning!"

Mitsuo can tell he's upset me and he walks over and checks out the books I have with a sigh. "It's not whether you _can_ do it, but whether you're suited for this type of work. I know people come from all over to watch Yukiko—"

"That's why," I interrupt. "She doesn't like that. She wants to be seen as the businesswoman and not the show."

I tuck the books back in the bag and Mitsuo folds his arms, appraising me. "I just can't see it," he bluntly states.

"There are pictures!" I protest. "I'll have them take more today. Here—"

I pull out my phone to show him the photos Teddie took last week. Mitsuo giggles at them, and I frown slightly. _Do I look that odd?_

I snap my phone shut and tell him that I’ll be back later. Mitsuo waves, while he digs through his things.

Then I jump through the television and come out at the Inn. I go to the locker room and change into a kimono and find Yukiko. She’s chatting with Kanji out back.

“Hey!” Kanji waves to me from his car window. Yukiko turns around and waves, too.

“Hi,” I tell them. “I’m ready to learn again, today!” I grin as I walk closer.

“You ready for your ‘trip’?” Kanji asks in a friendly way.

I nod. “Yes, it should be a lot of fun.”

Yukiko giggles, but she’s always laughing these days. “Isn’t it for work?” she asks me.

“Yeah, but I’ll enjoy—“ I cut myself off and produce my phone. I show them the picture from last night, excited to show it off.

“What?” Kanji snorts. “You’re all buddy-buddy with Kubo now? You didn’t get along too well the other day.”

“He’s my boyfriend now,” I can’t help divulging.

The two don’t move except to glance at each other, as if they hope I’m joking. _Technically it is a prank, but I am enjoying spending time with this person._

_Is that wrong?_

Kanji’s eyes are bugging out of his head while Yukiko looks like she isn’t sure if it’s alright to laugh at this. I’m unsure if I should break the tentative silence.

Kanji finally speaks first. “You’re shitting me, right?” he levels.

I shake my head and put away my phone. “No. I’m serious.”

“About _Kubo_?” Yukiko gasps. “The stalke—“ she cuts herself off partway through waves her hand to dismiss the rest of the sentence. Kanji shakes his head at the both of us.

“I like Mitsuo,” I declare. _He’s fun to be with—I learn new things and I’m sure I can help him, too._

Kanji sighs. “Whatever. I figured he’d be hanging around more, because of _Tohru_.” He turns to Yukiko and mumbles the next part. “I don’t like how close those two are.”

I can hear Kanji clearly, but I don’t want to be rude, so I ignore him. _I think Mitsuo’s okay. He doesn’t seem dangerous, and if he is, then who better to stop him?_ _I’m the strongest of us all._

_—‘Us all’. I’m starting to see myself as one of them._

“But look at how much he’s smiling,” Yukiko whispers back to Kanji and I laugh. _They completely misread what I was thinking!_

_But I think Mitsuo is changing from how he used to be. I didn’t know him then, but from what I’ve heard... He seems more patient than everyone expects._

“The trip will be fun,” I maintain. “I enjoy being around Mitsuo, Tohru, and Ryou. We’ll have a good time and get a lot of work done. I know Tohru’s been planning like he’s supposed to.”

“He’s really gonna be in charge?” Kanji whistles in disapproval. “That sounds like a nightmare.”

“Hnn,” I chew it over. “My mother’s the one who’s really in charge, but Tohru’s about equal to Ito... I think she likes Tohru better than myself, and possibly Ryou at this point. He tells me they get on really well.” _I don’t particularly care for that._

Yukiko and Kanji exchange a skeptical look. _They think I’m too trusting._

“Shouldn’t we get going?” I question. “You have more deliveries, yes?” I prompt Kanji.

“Yeah,” he reluctantly replies.

“This is your last day of observation,” Yukiko tells me and Kanji snickers. “Starting next week, we’re trading off.”

“Yes,” I bow slightly, grinning. Kanji laughs again before taking off.

Work goes well and I learn a lot. But I would have liked to spend more time at home today. _Working two jobs would be a hassle if I had more human friends._

I pop through the television after work to check on things. “I’m home!” I call to Mitsuo, who screams when he sees me, as he’s not used to this sort of thing.

“Sorry,” I reply before climbing through. “I didn’t want to take the train if you were waiting.”

“You don’t hafta scare me to death!”

“Don’t die!” I object. _I’d feel terrible!_

_Can humans really die from fear? I guess I’d rather not find out._

“What should I do next time?” I request, putting my things away.

Mitsuo gives me a funny look. “‘Next time’? We’re gonna do this again?”

“You don’t want to?” I ask, disappointed. _It’s nice having someone to come home to..._

 _It’s as if I’m_ —

“Sheesh,” he complains. “You’re so needy!”

I carry a small box over to where Mitsuo’s sitting. “I brought mochi,” I offer, shoving it on his lap.

“Really?” he questions, putting down the controller to look inside. I seize the opportunity to take the controller away. _I’ll play next._

Mitsuo eats all of the sweets except for the green tea. _I had forgotten he doesn’t like that flavor._ I eat it myself, enjoying the bitter taste of the matcha mixed in with the sweet bean paste.

I run my little avatar around the screen, trying to figure out how to play this game. It’s not one he’s showed me before.

“It’s Final Fantasy,” Mitsuo breaks into my thoughts. “A staple.” He then goes into detail about the quest and how to handle the battle system.

I shift closer, letting him show me which buttons to use for the menus and such. After I play through a few cutscenes, Mitsuo takes the controller away from me.

“Can I do the boss fight?” he asks, sounding nervous. _As if he’s worried he shouldn’t have just taken it from me._

“It’s alright,” I smile, throwing my arm around him.

Mitsuo frowns, picking up my hand and putting it back into my own personal space. “You’re very touchy,” he comments, not sounding angry.

I nod and silently watch him play the game. _He’s just setting boundaries_ — _Which is normal and healthy. It’s something I told Ryou to do with Tohru._

_I suppose I didn’t consider someone would need to set boundaries with me._

“Hey, Ryota,” Mitsuo nudges me after he’s finished the boss. He hands me the controller. “You can play again.”

“Great,” I reply, getting right back into it.

It takes me some time to notice that Mitsuo is watching me more than the television. “What?” I ask, feeling disconcerted. “Am I doing something weird?” I check my hands and arms, wondering if something is showing that shouldn’t.

“I noticed that you can press the all the buttons at once,” he remarks.

“Is that odd?” I question, looking down at my hands again.

Mitsuo shakes his head. “It’s not weird, I’ve just never thought about it before. Bet you’re good at fighting games.”

_What if he knew I could grow extra fingers? I can likely ace any game._

“Yeah,” I chuckle. “I bet I’d be good.”

“Street Fighter is next!” Mitsuo announces.

_Are we going to do this all evening? I like playing games, but I wanted to learn more about him and go out, and do other human things._

“How about we find dinner first?” I try.

“Not hungry.”

“What about a bath?”

“No. I’ll pass.”

“Maybe we can find one of my roommates, if you’re still interested?”

Mitsuo puts down the game and sighs. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” I say, self-conscious now. _But there are other things to do..._

Mitsuo sits down next to me and puts the disc back into the box. “What if we did one of those? Would that make you happy?”

“ _Yes!_ ” I nod. “Let’s take a bath while we order food, and then we can eat downstairs!!”

“O-okay,” Mitsuo replies, suddenly quiet at my enthusiasm. He lifts his arm to smell himself, like he’s trying to see if he needs the bath. I hold back a laugh.

I’m already calling in enough food for him to share with Marie while Mitsuo searches for clean clothes. “Where do I find the bath?”

“Wait,” I order as I hang up. “I’m coming. It’s _huge_!”

Mitsuo looks as if he doesn’t believe me until we’re in front of the door on the first floor. I hang up the placard that says ‘men’ and we walk inside.

I set my towel down on an old bench and start taking off my clothes. There are three shower stations and a bath that could fit at least ten people.

“It’s like a hotel...” Mitsuo marvels. “Or a public bath.”

“Told you,” I smirk.

I take my shampoo over to a faucet and turn it on. Mitsuo is purposely not looking in my direction as I wash up. He’s got his head down while he cleans himself.

“Are you self-conscious?” I ask. “We all bathed together at the Inn,” I tell him. “This isn’t weird, right?”

“I wasn’t looking at you guys,” he automatically grumbles his usual response. “I’m not into—“

I laugh. “You don’t need to protest so much. I get it.”

He finally looks over at me when I stand to wade into the large tub. I see his face start to go red and I ask what’s wrong.

“What’d you _do_?” Mitsuo demands, not coming into the warm water. “You weren’t _that big_ at the Inn.”

Now _I_ feel embarrassed. “I didn’t want anyone making fun of me—“ I explain. “I can change a lot of my body— _I_ —“

“Why would they make fun of you?” Mitsuo asks, looking confused as he steps into the water and sits almost across from me.

“Because I’m bigger?” I mumble. “Tohru would have been mean.”

“You’re _ridiculous_ ,” Mitsuo snickers. “Who _does_ that?”

“I didn’t want to stand out.”

Mitsuo gives me a wry grin. “You already stand out. _You’re over six feet tall!_ ” He pushes his long, wet hair out of his face and sighs. “You know that’s—“ he pauses again. “Never mind. It’s almost kinda cute that you don’t know...”

“I can make myself taller, too! And I can grow up to three more arms right now,” I excitedly tell Mitsuo. “I’ve been working on what I can do, because they want to test me at Naichou!”

“Really?” Mitsuo asks. _He seems skeptical._

I grin and concentrate. After about ten seconds, I stick a third arm out of the water and wave.

 _I think Mitsuo’s eyes are going to pop out of his head!!_ He gawks; clearly didn’t believe me before.

“I can get taller, too,” I remind him. “I just can’t figure out how to make my frame smaller... I wish I could change my hair color, too. Maybe if I keep working at it, I can completely change my appearance.”

“Why?” Mitsuo bluntly questions. “You’re fine the way you are.”

I fold two of my hands, feeling shy. “You really think so?” I ask for a more formal confirmation.

“I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true,” he affirms, folding his arms and sinking down into the water.

When Mitsuo looks like he’s getting too warm, I suggest we get out. I retract my third arm so I can fit into a tee-shirt and Mitsuo laughs as if it’s the weirdest thing he’s ever seen.

Dry and dressed, we head downstairs. Elizabeth has already taken in the delivery for me, so we sit around the table with her and Marie.

I clear my throat. “This is—“

“Mitsuo,” she nods. “Nice to meet you.”

He frowns. “You know me?”

“I know _everyone_ ~” Elizabeth exaggeratedly laughs. “It was only a matter of time before we met, Death.” She smiles as she says it and Mitsuo shrinks away from the table, leaning into the back of his chair.

“Elizabeth!” I exclaim and everyone looks at me. _I hadn’t mentioned it because humans misread Death all the time!_

“She tells it how it is,” Marie rolls her eyes. “And _he_ ,” she points at Mitsuo. “Is of the Death Arcana.”

“W-what does that mean?” Mitsuo asks, trying to put up a front.

“The Arcana—“ Elizabeth replies, matter-of-factly. “Ryota hasn’t expounded upon this for you?” she asks. “He’s so interested in learning more!”

“Everyone can be compared to one of the tarot cards—“ I start to explain.

“But she said I’m... _Death_...?” Mitsuo repeats, looking concerned.

I sigh. “ _Anyone_ can be Death. I know others—“

“He’s Aeon,” Marie intervenes, gesturing to me. “Like me.”

“Just because I killed someone, that makes me—“

“It‘s because you have the ability to _change_!” I break in, startling everyone. They stare at me for what feels like a long time.

“I want to go into Tokyo while we’re in Narita,” I announce, changing the subject. “Let’s go to an arcade, Mitsuo.”

“Then I should dye your hair again!” Elizabeth adds. “So you’ll blend in!”

“No,” Mitsuo moans. “It looked so bad! He looked nothing like the real Dojima.”

“Why-ever not?”

“It was a washed-out black, but not a _grey_ -black,” Mitsuo explains. “It was clearly dyed.”

“My hair isn’t grey,” I protest. “I’m younger than Ryou!”

“He had some grey back then,” Mitsuo tells me, smirking.

“We can do a different color!” Elizabeth breaks in with a clap. “How about blue?”

Mitsuo gives her a condescending look. “Why...?”

“He’s my boyfriend,” I say. “He can pick.”

“ _Fake_ boyfriend,” Mitsuo corrects.

“But the color brings up a bigger problem,” I begin. “How old do you think I am?” I ask everyone.

“Thirty?” Marie tries, not sounding interested.

“Eighty!!!” Elizabeth bellows.

“Uuh,” Mitsuo scratches his arm. “No comment. But I think they’re both wrong.”

Marie glares while I wonder at how they measure age. “How old are _you_?” I ask Elizabeth.

“A lady never tells,” she properly replies.

“She’s _ancient_ ,” Marie whispers to me.

“My papers say I’m forty-three,” I tell them. “Do I look that old?”

Everyone glances around, unsure how to respond. No one speaks for a time.

“You’re as old as you feel~” Elizabeth finally says in a way that’s meant to close the conversation.

“So why do you want to go to an arcade?” Mitsuo asks me, picking up that thread of conversation.

“I want to play the dancing game from the television!” I confide in everyone.

“DDR?” he asks. I nod. “We can get a copy for one of my systems, you know.”

“I want to play it at a real arcade... We don’t have arcades around here.” I stand and start to clean Mitsuo’s and Marie’s plates. Marie and Elizabeth excuse themselves and take off out the back door.

Mitsuo stays at the table and shrugs. “That’s cool... But you know there’s an arcade in Okina, right? Near where I work. There are a few.”

“Will you go with me?” I ask, drying my hands.

“Yeah, sure,” Mitsuo replies. “Why not?”

“All right!” I cheer, patting Mitsuo’s arm. “If you want, we can play your game some more. I can sit still now.”

He laughs and stands, heading upstairs. I follow behind, excited about tonight and tomorrow.


	15. Gearing Up (Tohru)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tohru ahs calmed down, but then there are more issues with the angry townspeople. The Nanako and Ryoutarou discussion ends up pretty one-sided, with Ryoutarou feeling blindsided. Lastly, the guys gear up for their trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lately, the days have been zipping by in "Yakusoku". Pretty soon they're gonna lengthen again. We're going to get more of what's going on in Inaba with Nanako and Co.

 

Chapter Twelve: Gearing Up

(Tohru)

I’m feeling less shaken when Ryoutarou picks me up. I’m able to make myself seem more collected, which puts him at ease.

When we near Junes, I remember that I had wanted to cook. “I need to stop at the super,” I announce and our conversation grinds to a halt.

“Why?” Ryoutarou demands.

“You can’t ban me from the grocery store!” I protest.

Ryoutarou parks the car, still in a snit. “Give me a list.”

I sigh dramatically. “I wouldn’t put it past people to break one of these windows...”

“Do you _want_ to get harassed inside the market?” Ryoutarou replies, opening and closing his hand. “Just let me go.”

“No,” I complain. “You don’t pick good veggies.” I open the car door and he groans, resigned.

It goes well. Ryoutarou glares at anyone who comes within ten feet of us, and I pick what I want in peace. I plan to make a big pot of oden so there’s food in the house and Nanako doesn’t have to worry.

We’re almost home free when a carriage comes slicing in front of our pathway. Ryoutarou grabs my arm and jerks me backwards so I fall on my ass. _I would’ve preferred it just hit me. This is embarrassing._

“ _Who did that?_ ” he growls at a group of kids. They quickly disperse in different directions. Ryoutarou huffs and hauls me to feet, practically dragging me to the car.

“Jeez! Calm down—“ I chastise. “You know everyone wants you to get worked up, right?” I ask once we’re inside the vehicle. “You’re giving them the reaction they’re looking for. I know how bullies work.”

“Don’t act all high and mighty, road kill,” Ryoutarou replies, still spitting mad.

We’re quiet until we arrive home. I start on dinner, peeling the radishes and the stupid pumpkin. _That’s the part about oden that’s the worst. The tastiest ingredient has such a tough outer shell._

I slice the hanpen and wrap the tofu pouches. Then I toss the fishcakes into the broth, waiting to add the vegetables till it’s almost done.

_I hope Nanako still likes oden..._

We’re just at the beginning of fall, so I thought this would be a nice surprise. _I know that their conversation isn’t going to be pleasant. Maybe I can do something helpful._

Nanako gets home a little later than usual. She walks over to the stove and peeks inside the big pot. “Oden?” she questions. “It’s a little early.”

“It’s better after some time in the fridge,” I smile, looking away. “There’s enough for a few days...”

“Thanks,” Nanako tells me. Then she heads upstairs.

We’re all quiet during the bulk of dinner—No one wants to touch the elephant in the room. After Ryoutarou clears away the bowls and sits back down, Nanako starts.

“Dad,” Nanako begins. “I don’t like it that whenever someone leaves your life you leave me.”

“Huh?” Ryoutarou intones.

Nanako sighs, just going straight for how she feels—Everything that’s been building up all this time. “When Tohru-jisan went to jail, it was like you left all over again. When I came home from the hospital, you were already working on getting him a lawyer and you let it consume you _again_.”

“What?” he asks, completely confused. “No I—”

“Ryoutarou,” I stop him because he looks so defensive. I know this is going to be an uphill battle. _I wasn’t even here and I had figured that’s what happened._ “Was I your main focus?”

“You _had_ to be, I already _told_ you—” Ryoutarou looks at me like I’m betraying him.

“No, he didn’t,” Nanako tells her father. “You _chose_ that, Dad. You chose to spend your time on him.”

I shift around uncomfortably, wishing I didn’t need to be here for this conversation. _It’s about how I came between them, probably more than once._

“I did what I had to!” Ryoutarou insists. “No one else was helping him!!”

“No one else was being my parent, either,” Nanako states, biting her lip like she’s nervous he’s going to get angry at her.

“You knew how to take care of yourself—” he tries again.

“This isn’t about judging you,” Nanako breaks in, trying to get him to quit being on high alert. “It’s that you can’t be my parent only when it’s convenient. Recently you’ve started telling me what to do again because now you have this free time, and it doesn’t work like that. It _can’t_. It’s not fair to me.”

She sighs, her frustration building, too. “When Big Bro was here, things got easier for a while, but when he left you went right back to how everything was before him. I know you had a lot to deal with, but you started ignoring me again—That’s why I spent so much time with Kanji and Teddie.”

Ryoutarou looks appalled that she’s confronting him so directly. He’s practically shocked into silence.

“You felt more comfortable there?” I prompt.

“There was more structure,” she replies, sounding way too much like an adult after all. “I knew what time they stopped working; I knew what time they ate dinner; I knew what time they went to bed.”

“So you resent that I didn’t provide that?” Ryoutarou questions, sounding too detached.

Nanako looks like her little head is going to explode— _And that I don’t like at all._

“ _No_ ,” she shouts. “Are you listening to me? I needed at least _some_ of all that. I needed some semblance of a normal life! You still wouldn’t even commit to coming home at the same time everyday until Tohru-jisan moved in. I’m sick of being last on your list!”

Ryoutarou’s eyes widen at that final jab and he smashes the table. “That isn’t _true_! You’re not last—Sometimes other people need me mo—”

“ _I’m sick of hearing that—_ It’s always amounts to the same thing.” Nanako stops for a breath. “I need you to know that you can’t pretend I’m on my own and then turn around and order me around. We can work it out, but it’s one or the other. I’m done being yanked around by other people’s arbitrary schedules.”

“Think about it, and let me know when we can work it out.” With that, Nanako leaves the table and walks to the stairs. We hear her door close and then Ryoutarou turns to me in shock.

“ _What—?_ ” is all he gets out on the first try. “She really feels like that?”

I don’t know how to reply in a helpful way, so instead I pull him to sit on the couch with me. “C’mon,” I urge. “Think about it. She told you how she really feels, so you have to take it seriously.”

“I know that!” Ryoutarou huffs, yanking his arm away from me. He immediately cringes and wraps it around my neck, dragging me with him to sit. “She’s never told me all that,” he quietly says, taking out a cigarette.

I light it, making a show of flicking on the lighter. He smiles weakly and smokes in silence, staring out the window.

“You never thought about how everything made her feel?” I ask.

Ryoutarou sighs, giving me a tired look. “I didn’t have time to think about it.”

 _Maybe he needs to organize his time better. So he has time to think. I wonder if that would help_. _But—_

“Don’t you purposely make it so you don’t have time to think?” I question, only realizing how accusing it sounds after it’s out of my mouth. _But he’s deflecting._

Ryoutarou bristles and stubs out his cigarette. “That made it bearable.”

“It’s not necessarily about being ‘bearable’,” I groan. “Nanako is in this with you. You need to make sure it’s bearable for her, too.” Ryoutarou opens his mouth to speak and I cut him off. “And if you say that she never needed you _one more time_ , I’m gonna snap! She _clearly_ needed you, from all she’s said _and_ all she hasn’t!”

He glowers in silence, staring me down.

_And then it clicks, the whole sad truth._

I phrase it as more of a question. “It’s almost like you’re actively avoiding her. You—You aren’t, right?”

“Why would I do that?” Ryoutarou scoffs, looking away again.

“Because you don’t understand her?” I try. “Because you never really ‘got’ kids?” I take a breath, knowing this one is going to sting. “Because she reminds you too much of Chisato—Nanako’s not _really_ an adult.”

“ _No_ —” he feebly protests, cringing.

 _I think I hit the mark on all of them._ “You’ve just gotta tell her honestly—The truth.”

“Hnn,” Ryoutarou hums, still not looking at me. He grabs his forehead, not speaking.

After too much silence, I grab Ryoutarou’s arm and start tugging him upstairs. “Come on,” I tell him. “We have a big day tomorrow. Let’s go take a bath.”

After we do that, I watch while Ryoutarou locates two suitcases. He loads them up with out clothes and sundries, and then tells me to grab anything else I’ll want. I add some games and snacks. He counts out my pills for the days we’ll be gone, making sure to bring extra.

“That’s it?” Ryoutarou asks me.

“I need to work on the computer a little before bed, and I’ll go over everything in the car,” I tell him.

“Keep it in that little backpack you have.”

I nod. “Go say goodnight to Nanako,” I push. “She might not be up when we leave.”

“You too,” he orders, but I shake my head.

“It’d be better if it were just you. Trust me,” I say, powering on my laptop to work on the revised program Ito sent back to me. When Ryoutarou walks out the door I text Nanako, telling her goodnight and that I’m glad she got everything off her chest.

_I hope it’s enough._

“She was distant,” Ryoutarou reports when he comes back.

_Really._

_Wonder why..._

“Don’t worry about it,” I say. “It’s good you did that—It’s a step. I’m just about done. Gonna go to sleep?”

_When did I start being the one who made the plans? When he slips into a mood like this it makes me worry._

Ryoutarou shuts the light and gets into the futon. I lie on my stomach and finish up an email to Hisa. He has the derringers I’m looking for. _I already told Ryoutarou I need us to stop there tomorrow._

_Back to Tokyo, huh? Not sure if I’m ready for that._

_Not sure if I’ll ever be ready for that._

I power down the computer because I’m realizing how late it really is, but when I roll over I can see that Ryoutarou’s still awake. “You’ve been watching me this whole time?” I quip.

He smiles, and I can see it reach his eyes. _What are you doing? Why am I so important?_

_I don’t get you._

I roll over and let him wrap me up in his arms. But I’m not sure if either of us sleeps.

At one point, I swear I’m having the same dream. This time I can reach the light. When I turn it on though, everything gets so ridiculously bright that I can’t see anymore. I fall over and it’s a long way down. Someone calls out my name and comes running—I can hear the footfalls.

I come back to myself with a start. I clutch at my chest, drenched in sweat. I wriggle out of Ryoutarou’s grasp, and he’s asking me what’s wrong.

“N-nothing,” I stutter. “It was—I-it was—“ I shake my head. “ _Nothing_.”

He sits up and pulls me to him and I’m shaking. _I didn’t like that feeling_ — _Where was I?_

_It sure wasn’t here!_

“Tohru,” Ryoutarou sighs and I’m still shivering. _It felt like_ —

_Like I was someone else, almost._

We decide to get up for the day. It’s close enough to when we wanted to wake. Ryoutarou makes breakfast while I lug everything to the car.

I was right: Nanako is still asleep when we hit the road. Ryota asked if we could go directly to his house. Apparently Mitsuo was staying over. _What is with those two?_

_Explaining that to Ryoutarou was such a pain! He kept saying it must be a mistake, that Ryota wouldn’t be with Mitsuo, blah blah blah._

When we show up, the two of them are certainly waiting for us together. Ryota is waving to us, loaded down with the bulk of their stuff. I nod to Mitsuo and he nods to me.

It’s going to be an interesting day. I’m sure I’ll be able to figure out what’s really going on—Because this smells _weird_.


	16. Too Comfortable (Mitsuo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More hanging out at the weird farmhouse where the nonhumans live. Then the beginning of the latest car ride.

Chapter Thirteen: Too Comfortable

(Mitsuo)

When I wake up, Ryota is right next to me. He's laying down facing the ginormous TV. His leg is leaning right against mine, and if I move at all he'll know I'm awake.

 _I don't think I realized it so much during our previous interactions, but this guy's really needy, isn't he?_ I twitch and he immediately turns around, smiling happily and telling me the time.

It's the middle of the night. I lie back down and pull the covers over my head. I hear Ryota unpause the game and start playing again.

_Sure, my main goal was to piss off Tohru—Who better to get to like me than his husband's shadow?_

_But this is kind of fun. I've never had someone so eager to be around me._

_I've never gotten along well with people, and I've screwed so many things up in the past that I didn't think I'd have something close to this feeling. Didn't think it'd be this..._

I twitch my leg and I can hear the rustle of Ryota turning around to look at me again.

_Didn’t think it’d be this satisfying to have someone hanging all over me like this._

_—It's kind of freaking me out._

_I don't know what to do with all this attention._

I sit up and Ryota’s looking at me again. It takes me minute to realize what’s wrong—His head is slightly further around than it should be.

“Your neck...” I trail off.

“Oh, I can turn it all the way around, now!” Ryota replies, demonstrating. I get a bit of a sick feeling in my stomach watching someone so human do something like that.

“Cool,” I manage.

He fixes it, frowning at my response. “Does it bothe—“

“It’s fine,” I brush Ryota off. “Stop asking me if things are alright.”

He nods and turns off the game. “I think we’re leaving earlier. Ryou is up already.”

“It’s only five,” I mumble, flopping back down.

Ryota shrugs, like it shouldn’t be a problem. “We’re both here anyways. You can sleep in the car, right?”

“I guess.”

“What are you taking?” he asks, starting to disassemble my PlayStation.

“Not that,” I laugh. “Just handhelds. Can you bring it back to my house?”

Ryota fumbles with the cords, not winding them all the way up. “You could leave it here for now,” he says in a quiet voice.

“You wanna use it more?” I ask, knowing that’s probably not the whole story.

His eyes slide away. _He wants me to come back here._

“It’s okay,” I end up telling the man. “Keep it for now.”

Ryota breaks out in a grin and hooks everything back up while I pile the games on the floor for him. Ryota takes them and stacks them on a bookshelf, trying to neaten up.

I eat leftovers from last night, and by six we’re waiting outside with out stuff. Ryota insists on carrying my second bag, and I let him.

“Starting now,” I tell Ryota. “Until we get home, you can be as gross as you want. But you need to listen if I tell you to stop, okay?”

“Okay!!” He immediately agrees, seizing my hand. Then the car pulls up and he starts waving.

Tohru nods to me and I nod back. Dojima looks like he’s about to have an aneurysm when he sees Ryota and I holding hands. _This is already fun_ — _There’s got to be something wrong with me..._

Dojima pops the trunk and Ryota puts our stuff inside. Tohru gets out of the car and says that Dojima wants Ryota in front because he has more work to do. “Someone has to help me navigate,” Dojima yells from inside the car.

I use my backpack stuffed with clothes as a pillow, leaning forward on it. Tohru sits cross-legged and types away on his brand new laptop while he listens to music. Ryota and Dojima argue over directions. It strikes me as funny that Ryota is like an outdated GPS—He knows where everything is, but he’s off on any new roads by five years.

I’ve almost fallen back asleep when a hand reaches over to rub my shoulder. I don’t think anything of it until Tohru starts screaming his head off. At that, I’m alert and definitely awake.

The hand snakes away, and it’s then that I realize it was an ‘extra’ hand. The arm quickly retracted back to Ryota’s side and under his shirt when Tohru started yelling.

“What the fucking _fuck_ was _that_!?” Tohru screeches. Dojima has already pulled the car to the side of the road and Ryota is cowering in the front seat.

“Tohru, what is it?” Dojima sighs, anticipating this to be an act of melodrama.

“How can you do that out _here_?!” Tohru demands, leaning forward and pulling up Ryota’s shirt. “Do it again!” he commands.

Realizing the only way out of this is to comply, Ryota grows two arms out of his side. Tohru grabs one and examines it, looking like his first impulse is to try and break the bones.

“That’s grotesque,” Dojima comments, turning to the window.

“How long have you been able to do this?” Tohru quizzes. “And how many can you make out here?”

Ryota shakes his head, retracting one. “Not for long. I can get up to three extra limbs, but one of the arms isn’t quite an arm yet.”

“Show me,” Tohru commands.

“Please _don’t_ ,” Dojima complains. “Can you save it for Naichou?”

“ _Nuh-uh!!_ ” Tohru shouts. “Do _not_ show this to them. They’ll _never_ let you go!”

Ryota’s face turns frightened and he tries to move out of Tohru’s grasp. “I don’t wanna be stuck there—”

“Just hide it then,” I tell him, trying to sound calmer than Tohru.

“I think,” Dojima breaks in. “You’re demoted to the backseat.”

Tohru and Ryota change seats before we start up again. Ryota doesn’t bother with the seatbelt, just like Tohru. Unlike Tohru, he feels a need to sit practically on top of me.

“I was trying to sleep,” I mumble.

Dojima glances at us in the mirror. “Why don’t you leave the kid alone?” he asks Ryota.

Ryota clamps his arm around me and doesn’t budge. “I like it here,” he coolly replies. “I’m helping.”

I try not to laugh, with my face buried in my bag— _But that was really funny. ‘I’m helping’, really? Helping what, exactly?_

Ryota rubs my back and that does feel nice. I fall asleep soon enough.

The next time I wake up, there are two arms around my back and Tohru is staring at Ryota like he’s a science project. _I don’t like that look. He’s got crazy eyes._

Of course Ryota is staring just at _me_ , which I notice when I sit up. _I don’t think he’s even noticed Tohru eying him like he’s the most valuable thing he’s ever seen._

_I don’t think I like the extra arm, I’m realizing. It’s too foreign—Still kind of freaking me out._

“I’m right here,” I tell Ryota. “You can put it away.”

“He’s doing it _again_?” Dojima moans. “Didn’t you just yell at him?” he asks Tohru.

“No _Sir_!” the other man replies. “He’s definitely not doing it again~” Tohru reaches into the backseat and pokes Ryota’s extra hand a few times. I take Tohru’s hand and shove it back upfront.

Dojima sighs. “Tohru you’ve got that unkind look in your eyes. I know he’s doing it again. Ryota, _stop it_.”

“But where are the _eyes_?” Tohru whines. “Like inside the TV!”

_Eyes?_

I give Ryota a questioning look and he gets embarrassed. “I didn’t think you’d like the eyes,” he tells me.

_But I’d like the arms and hands? Honestly—What goes through his head??_

“He has all these other eyes!” Tohru insists, pointing at different places on Ryota’s arm and chest. “They were pretty sweet~”

Dojima moans that he’s “going to be ill” and Tohru throws his arm around his husband. “You’ll be fine~” he assures he other man. “You’ll get used to it! It’s possible I can do that someday, so you’d _better_ get used to it!!” He grins as he says it while I’m sure Dojima is paling.

“You’d _better not_ get that far—” Ryota growls. “You’re sleeping tonight if I have to knock you out.”

“Hnn?” Dojima questions. “What’re you talking about?”

Ryota’s eyes go wide as he realizes that there’s something Tohru hasn’t shared with Dojima. Tohru glares fucking _daggers_ at Ryota and rubs Dojima’s arm placatingly. “Nothing,” he assures Dojima. “He’s worrying over _nothing_.”

“I don’t believe you,” Dojima sighs, running a hand through his hair.

Ryota’s eyes nervously flit around until they come to rest on my own gaze. _‘He’s turning into a shadow. It’s not good,’_ I hear in my head.

_Just how powerful did Ryota manage to get? He can communicate like that now?_

He agitatedly pokes my shoulder until I answer him. _‘Then you should tell Dojima if it’s for his own good, right?’_

_‘Tohru will be angry...’_

_‘Do you care?’_

Ryota looks away, clearly upset because he shouldn’t care. _God maybe he needs this fake relationship more than I do. Thought I was a lonely loser._

“We’re into Shibuya, Tohru,” Dojima announces. “Direct me to this little hole in the wall.”

“Roger~” Tohru merrily salutes, pointing out the turns. When we pass by a newer parking lot, he says to stop here. We’re within walking distance.

As we’re climbing out of the car, I see a very dark look pass over his face. Tohru folds his arms, looking extremely angry for a few seconds, before he adopts his usual bouncy demeanor again.


	17. Time Doesn't Heal Everything (Tohru)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was Munehisa’s indifference to Tohru all in his head? (And don’t worry—This isn’t the last we’ll see of Iwai!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who those guns are for?
> 
> As a side note: I think I’m enjoying turning Ryota into an Eldritch monster too much...

 

Chapter Fourteen: Time Doesn’t Heal Everything

(Tohru)

I can’t control my annoyance for a minute when we exit the car—Can’t help it. I feel a surge of anger at my situation and the way I had to leave Tokyo disgraced.

_I’m probably not ready to come back here._

I catch Mitsuo staring at me and pretend to kick him in the face. He playfully blocks it and we’re good. _I don’t think he saw._

I’m in front, leading my new pack of friends through the old familiar streets. “You’re from Tokyo, Ryou,” I remark. “You ever come here?”

“Not really,” he laughs. “If I had free time, I’d go down to Shonan with friends.”

_Of course he would. Because I can totally see him sitting at the beach, right? With FRIENDS? He hates everyone!_

_What the fuck else don’t I know?_

I come up on the familiar alley and get a few seconds of nausea. They’re heightened when I see a goddamn butterfly floating through the air near the back of the alley. _What the fuck? In the middle of the city?_

I ignore it and point out the door to Untouchable. _One of the few places where I felt like I meant something._

We walk inside and it’s the same as it always was. Hisa sits behind the counter, sucking on some candy and eying us suspiciously. His eyes widen only slightly upon recognition. _Stoic bastard._

“Hisa,” I greet him.

“Torucchi,” he nods, narrowing his eyes.

I gesture to the others. “Ryoutarou, Ryota, Mitsuo. First names.”

Hisa stares hard at Ryoutarou. “He that guy from the news?”

“They’re _all_ ‘that guy from the news’.” I laugh a little. “You’ll have to be more specific.” Hisa looks everyone over again and I explain who they are. “Mitsuo is the other ‘Midnight Channel Murderer’, Ryoutarou is my husband, and Ryota is his… Weird twin.”

“Wait _huh_?” Hisa shakes his head, frowning deeply. “ _What?_ ”

I sigh and fold my arms. “‘What’ what?”

“Your _husband_?”

“Yes I am,” Ryoutarou asserts, stepping forward. He rests a hand on my shoulder. “He’s _Dojima_ Tohru now.”

Hisa crunches his candy, looking pissed. “So you can be serious after all?” he mutters, setting down his magazine.

“What?” I complain. “I can’t _hear_ you…”

“You treated _me_ like…” He throws away the stick and keeps crunching his hard candy.

I catch Ryota frowning and shoot him a look. He steps forward and makes a grab for Hisa’s hat. Shocked by his boldness, Hisa’s face tightens and he slaps a hand on his head, protecting the hat. He uses his other hand to grab Ryota’s wrist.

“ _Can I help you?_ ” Hisa growls.

“You look just like...” Ryota trails off.

Hisa shakes his head, waiting for Ryota to finish his sentence. When it’s clear he’s abandoned the thought, Hisa folds his arms and appraises the rest of us once again. “You have anything to say to me?” he demands.

“Not unless you’ve got anything to say to me,” I return.

“Hnh,” Hisa grunts.

Our standoff continues until Ryota intervenes once again. He leans forward over the counter and Hisa is about to slap him back to the other side, but then Ryota starts talking in a low voice.

I can hear Hisa replying, sounding agitated. Ryota says something about me not getting something else and I kick him in the back of the knee. It buckles, but he doesn’t go down this time.

 _He’s learning, dammit._ I gear up to punch him in the back of the head, but Ryoutarou stops me.

“Cut it out, Tohru,” he admonishes.

I stop and see Hisa’s eyes flash. “You want your order,” he grumbles. “I’m alright with this big guy.” He motions for me and Ryota to follow him to the back. “You stay out here in case anyone comes by,” he tells Ryoutarou and Mitsuo.

Ryoutarou looks about ready to protest but Ryota gives him a thumbs-up. He frowns and leans against the wall, clearly unhappy with his end of the deal.

Ryota and I follow Hisa down the hall and I try to punch Ryota in the back. He catches my fist in his gigantic fucking hand and Hisa wheels on us. “ _Cut that out._ ”

“Why?” I protest. “Doesn’t hurt—“

“Be serious.” Hisa pulls out another lollipop and starts walking again.

I shove my hands in my pockets and Ryota smiles at me like an idiot. _Wanna punch him again..._

_Frustrated—_

In his office, Hisa pulls down a box that holds my multi-round derringers. “These’ll be fine for someone of that weight. Cash only.”

I fork over the money and take the guns. “You got any tips, like the old days?” I grin.

“Here’s a tip—Don’t be an asshole,” he replies.

“That’s not what I meant,” I huff, annoyed now.

Hisa sucks on his candy, studying me. “It’s not the old days anymore.” The man smirks meanly. “If you’ve got no other business, move along.”

“What’s with you?” I spit, getting worked up. Ryota grabs my shoulder and tries to pull me backwards—Hadn’t realized I was advancing on Hisa. “Are you really mad at _me_?”

Hisa rubs his neck and heaves a big sigh. “You’re really—“

“After so many years, you contact me out of the blue asking for custom guns, like nothing’s happened. You go away and then I see you plastered all over the news for _murder_ —They say toting the gun I gave you. Then I get more cops sniffing around here—”

He slaps his desk. “Really, after how you left me without a clue, I don’t have much to say to you. Get it, Torucchi?" Hisa wryly smirks.

“Torucchi’s got it,” Ryota nervously pulls me to the door.

“ _Don’t_ call me ‘Torucchi’, Ryou,” I bark at him. He drags me down the hallway while I watch Hisa fold his arms, staring me down the whole time.

“Don’t call _me_ ‘Ryou’,” Ryota mumbles, and then we’re back out front.

Ryota pulls me all the way out the door of the shop, while Ryoutarou and Mitsuo are stuck trying to catch up. “Why don’t we take a breather?” Ryota orders—rather than asks—the others.

“What happened?” Ryoutarou demands, taking the metal case I’m trying to smash to pieces. I scrunch down and scratch at my head.

I get a frightened look from Ryota, who can tell I obviously never told Ryoutarou about Hisa. “Didn’t that man look awfully familiar?” he tries to change the subject.

“No, why?” Ryoutarou asks, not taking the hint.

“If you took off his hat,” Ryota says, miming pulling off Hisa’s headphones and cap. “He’s look _just like us_ , don’t you think?”

“No— _What_ does that have to do with anything?” Ryoutarou rolls his eyes. “Who cares?”

“Who cares about fucking Hisa,” I mutter and Ryoutarou bends over to get at my eye level.

He sighs and grabs the hair on the back of my head, pulling down so I have to look up at him. “You’re making a scene,” he evenly tells me. “What’s going on?”

 _Hisa can’t act like he cared now. That’s not fair_ —

_He didn’t—_

_He didn’t care—_

I finally look at Ryoutarou, who cares so much. _But Hisa didn’t._

_—Right?_

“Looked like Tohru got what was coming to him,” I hear Ryota quietly tell Ryoutarou. “I think he screwed something up.”

“No I didn’t,” I object. “He— _He_ —”

“Yeah,” Ryoutarou sighs, putting his arms around me. “It’s never _you_ , right?” I can feel him rolling his eyes, don’t even need to see it. “Come on, get up. There are a hundred restaurants here. I’ll get you lunch.”


	18. This Isn't a Game (Ryoutarou)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys get lunch, then finish the drive to Narita. Ryoutarou gets a foreboding feeling about the trip. They all have to share a small room and one bathroom. Today they have to summon their personas irl and get their physicals. Tohru is very unagreeable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mitsuo's persona actually fits really well with his shadow and personality. I plan to go into more detail later on.

Chapter Fifteen: This Isn’t a Game

(Ryoutarou)

“I don’t wanna eat,” Tohru sulks after having it out with an old friend. He’s still on the ground and I’m stuck carrying this case that’s obviously got something shady in it.

I pawn it off on Ryota, whom nothing seems to bother. _He’s not a cop and certainly happy to have a job._ Ryota holds the box under one arm and grabs Kubo’s hand with the other.

 _That needs to stop._ I really don’t like the two of them together. I get this weird feeling like the kid is probably taking advantage of the man’s obviously too-trusting nature.

“Tohru needs to eat,” Ryota tells me, as if I didn’t already know that.

I haul Tohru to his feet and start us towards a diner. _It’ll be cheap, at least. I should probably pay for everyone._

We walk into that diner and take seats around the counter. I order food for both of us, and the other two tell the kid working what they want.

When Tohru’s beef bowl arrives, he won’t even touch it. I don’t know why Ryota is so invested in what goes down his damn throat today, but he’s prodding him, reaching around to poke at Tohru. “Eat that,” Ryota instructs. “People have to eat.”

I smack his arm away. “He’ll eat if he wants—Calm down.”

Ryota backs off, but then Tohru’s eyes go wide and he grudgingly starts shoveling the food in. “Feeling better?” I chuckle.

Tohru glares at all of us and flips Ryota off. “Act right,” I groan, smacking the side of his head.

I end up splitting the cost with Ryota, who frigging insists. _Better for me, though._

We leisurely walk back to the car and Tohru buries his purchase under our luggage. “It’s for home,” he tells me.

“Okay,” I pat his head and tell him to sit up front with me. _The last leg of the trip shouldn’t be too long._

It’s a nice drive. Tohru is still acting down, but he holds my hand for most of it. _It makes me feel a little better._

When we arrive, I’m flagged into an underground area this time. _I’d rather stay in the visitor lot, but I suppose that this is more long-term._

I get a foreboding feeling about having to park down there. Like something nasty is catching up with us. Tohru shivers, as if to confirm my hunch. I pat his leg and he turns to me, smiling innocently.

I park the car and take the bags out of the trunk. Ryota carries all of his and Mitsuo’s stuff, while Tohru is weirdly insistent about taking my things. I don’t like that I’m left with just the car keys as I lock the doors.

I watch Tohru walking next to his friend, chatting away and lugging both of our suitcases. Ryota falls into step next to me.

“This should be fun,” he amiably says to me, easily hefting all the luggage.

“Fun like getting your stomach pumped,” I tell him.

“You’d know,” Ryota chuckles and I have the urge to punch him.

When we walk inside the building, Ito is waiting. He steps up to confer with Tohru about lodging and today’s schedule.

He makes us have our photos taken, and then we need to press our thumbs to a machine. “Identification,” the man explains.

Ito hands Tohru the cards as they pop out of the machine, along with a folder. Then he heads down a different hallway while Tohru motions us to keep going with him. He brings us to another hallway with a lot of doors and passes out the cards.

“Here,” he says. “We have to use these while we’re here. They’re our IDs and room keys. We’re all together,” he grumbles.

Inside the room, there are two sets of standard sized bunk beds. Only one bathroom for all of us to share. _This is going to be a long few days..._

Tohru claims the left half of the room as ours by spreading our stuff out on the bottom bunk. “This is mine,” he tells the other two, then his eyes flick to me. “And Ryoutarou’s,” he belatedly adds.

He quickly unpacks some of his things, tossing them around to claim territory like an animal. I resist the urge to strangle him.

Ryota sets his and Mitsuo’s things down on the other side. “Okay! We’ll take over here.”

“Top bunk,” Mitsuo tells Ryota. _That’s ridiculous. How’s he even going to get up there?_

I don’t need to wonder for long: Ryota places Mitsuo’s bags on top and gives him a boost. Mitsuo roots around his own bag for something he hands to Ryota. A game, I think. _Super. Now everyone’s playing games._

I watch out of the corner of my eye as Ryota leans on the top bunk to chat with Mitsuo. They talk about fighting and dancing or something, both laughing away.

 _I need a smoke._ I pull out my cigarettes and Tohru is immediately next to me with that lighter.

“You’re not supposed to smoke in here,” he tells me, even though he readily lights me up.

“It’s not good for the humans,” Ryota echoes.

I glare and take it to the hallway. When I’m finished, all three have handheld games out and are sitting on their own beds, talking about animals. _This is..._

 _Why did I come here?_ I rub my neck, feeling lost.

_I know Tohru told me to, and that it’ll help me in the long run—But why? I feel so out of place already._

Tohru pats next to him on the bottom bunk and I take a seat. “What is it?” I attempt.

“Animal Crossing,” Ryota tells me. “We’re making towns!”

 _Who the fuck cares?_ I rub my forehead.

“You don’t have to play,” Tohru giggles, sliding closer to me. “But do you want to see?”

“Sure,” I humor him, watching him wander his massive maze of a house.

“Ryota just started, so we’re helping him,” Tohru explains, then tells Ryota what things he should be ‘selling’.

I tune them out and dig through my own luggage for a book. We rest for a while after that, the three of them interacting peacefully.

The phone in the room rings soon enough, and Tohru jumps up to get it. He gives a few clipped answers and then tells us to pack it in for now.

“So all we need to do today,” Tohru announces, turning back to us. “Is manifest your personas.” He grins, suddenly perking up, and pointing at Mitsuo and myself. “So let’s get going—We’re supposed to go further down to some big room.”

Ryota quickly locates two more metal crates in his bag. He checks the names and hands one to me and the other to Kubo. “You can have these if you both promise to call each other by your first names,” he instructs, sounding as if he’s talking to children.

“I have no problem calling him Mitsuo,” I snort, opening the lid.

“Fine, _Ryou_ ,” the kid quips, peeking inside his own box.

_Guns. He just gave us guns engraved with our names._

_...Why?_

“You’ll see,” Ryota mysteriously intones.

Tohru tries to peek, but I snap the lid shut, smirking at him. “Fine,” he huffs. “I’ll see in a minute anyways. Ryota already told me that it’ll get your persona out here.”

_Don’t know how this is supposed to do that, but I guess I’ll find out._

Tohru leads the way, with Ryota next. He pulls Mitsuo along by the hand while the latter tries to keep up with Ryota’s long stride. I’m left pulling up the rear. I make sure out door is secure, then follow everyone else into the elevator.

“I’m also supposed to ask if you tow want optional physicals. Those are supposed to be today if you do,” Tohru informs us in a tone that sounds like he doesn’t want that happening.

“Yes,” I tell him. “I would like that. After everything that’s happened... You too,” I slap Mitsuo’s back. “You should see a doctor before you get any further into this.”

“No,” Tohru fold his arms. “I don’t want them poking around you.” He’s next to me in a flash, suddenly possessive again.

I sigh. “I think it’d be a good idea. I _died_ , remember?”

“Something they should never catch wind of,” Tohru mutters, putting his arm around me. “No one give away anything that isn’t a direct question. No offering, _Ryota_.”

Ryota cocks his head to the side, confused as to why he’s being singled out. Mitsuo snickers—He’s definitely more to-himself.

The room looks like a large warehouse. It’s got a high ceiling and concrete floor. There are targets and weapons in one corner, and big mats in another. “Loads of space,” Ito assures us.

“I’d like that physical,” I tell the man and he marks it down. “Mitsuo as well,” I add, pointing to the kid.

“We’ll schedule them for after dinner.”

Tohru glares at me but doesn’t say anything. “It’s within my rights,” I gibe and he shakes his head.

“I’m coming with you,” is all the ground he’ll give.

He walks around the space, checking things out. “Okay!” Tohru calls our attention. “I need you to call out your personas. Ryota said the things he gave you will be helpful. So what do they do?” he asks, giving the floor to Ryota.

Ryota, for the gods’ sake, mimes shooting himself in the head. “That’s it,” he admits. “Elizabeth said you just ‘point and click’,” he finger quotes then shrugs.

“ _What?!_ ” Tohru shouts. “Gimme that!” he tries to grab my gun away form me. I reflexively hold it out of arms’ reach.

“Leave it alone!” Ryota protests. I was specifically told that you can’t take it apart. Elizabeth mentioned _you_ by name.”

“You know _her_?” I gasp.

He gives me a look. “I _live_ with her!” He slaps Tohru’s hand away from my box. “ _No!_ ” Ryota bellows. “Part of the trick is that you don’t know how they work!”

I pick up the gun. _Sure feels real._

“So I’m just supposed to let Ryoutarou shoot himself with what could be a very real gun!?” Tohru shouts. “ _I don’t think so!!_ ” He snatches it away for inspection. “We both know you can’t revive people out here.”

_Revive people? Like from a coma?_

“I’ll do what I have to—I trust Elizabeth!” Ryota retorts. “She said this would work.”

I notice that Ito is busy taking a look at Mitsuo’s gun. “You’re going to trust them?” he questions.

Mitsuo shrugs. “I don’t got much to live for if they’re wrong...”

“Don’t say that!” Ryota moans, zipping back to the kid’s side. “You’ve got _me_ now!”

Mitsuo smiles thinly and takes the gun back from Ito. “Sure I do,” he tells Ryota before pointing the gun under his chin and pulling the trigger. Nothing happens.

“Do you even know how a gun works, idiot!?” Tohru screeches, running over to pull the hammer. “ _Now_ try it.”

“No—” I interrupt. “Don’t make him be the guinea pig, dammit!”

Ryota is speechless. He looks as if he’ll faint if Mitsuo tries to shoot himself again. “But I said...” he trails off.

“So you’re saying you don’t really ‘have’ Ryota?” Tohru needles. “You’re saying that he’s not really yours?”

“Come off it,” I sigh, done with caring if they’re actually together or not.

The kid rolls his and fires off the gun. There’s the usual “bang” and his head snaps backwards. “ _Per-so-na-!!_ ” Mitsuo shouts and is enveloped in a blue light. “ _Antoku!_ ”

A small child in full samurai regalia appears to ghost around Mitsuo. It thrusts its hand outward and hail smashes into a small target near a corner of the room. Then it disappears.

“Better than expected~” Tohru claps approvingly.

“Hmph,” Mitsuo grunts before falling over. Ryota grabs his arm and leads him to a chair.

Then it’s my turn. _I suppose we know these evokers work._

Tohru nods to me, fully expecting me to shoot myself in front of him. I feel lightheaded as I place the barrel under my chin.

_Knowing it’ll work doesn’t make this any less uncomfortable._

I squeeze the trigger and hear myself calling for Yama as my own head receives a punch of wind. I can feel his presence; know he’s behind me.

Unlike Mitsuo’s persona however, he simply hovers. He doesn’t try to hit any of the targets. He just stands there—The longer he’s here, the more I feel as if I’m about to collapse.

“Call it back!” Tohru shouts and I do— _Somehow_. I mostly think about him returning to wherever he came from, and Yama goes...

_Where does Yama go?_

_Where do personas come from?_

Those questions are all I can think as I start to fall to the floor.


	19. Evoking Something (Tohru)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tail end of the guys calling their personas IRL. Then Tohru and Ryota have a nice bonding moment where Tohru gives him some real advice. Then Tohru chats with Ito and wanders the halls before the medical exams—Where he’s a total joy to be around. Lastly, he ponders his relationship with the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to deal with plot points that interest me, like why there are less older people who gain personas—As I’ve hinted at in the past. Not today necessarily, but it’s coming. I’m also planning to work in more P5 characters than originally planned. I’m still at my first playthrough and want to add in some of the side characters.
> 
> I’m also trying to remember all the plot details I’ve worked in, but could get lost in the shuffle... Like Tohru permanently injuring Ryou. Whoops. I remembered because of the impending medical exams. (Which should be loads of fun.)

Chapter Sixteen: Evoking Something

(Tohru)

When his persona disappears, I can tell that Ryoutarou is going to fall over. _Something..._

_Something is..._

I shake my head to clear it and glance at Mitsuo, not wanting to take my attention off Ryoutarou but knowing I need to be in charge. He’s listing to the side. _Wobbly._

"They're gonna be exhausted," Ryota whispers and I nod.

“Get Mitsuo,” I tell him, finally rushing over to grab Ryoutarou before he hits the floor. Mitsuo looks even more unstable, so Ryota just scoops him up.

"Done for the day?" I sarcastically ask Ito. I've got my arm around Ryoutarou, but he's fading fast.

Ito's brow is creased as he watches us struggling to get our partners to the door. "Ah, yes," he agrees. "They'll need to sleep that off. I'll need you for planning in an hour—My office."

"Okay," I salute. We walk Sleepy and Out to the elevator and wait in silence. _This is a lot like when I'd have to drag Ryoutarou home drunk. Thought those awful days were over._

He's not too heavy, now that I have maybe five times my strength. It's more upsetting, like it's making me realize how fragile normal people are.

"How are you doing with that guy?" I question Ryota on the way up two floors. Mitsuo looks totally asleep.

Ryota shrugs, as if the big kid weighs nothing. "I'm as strong as you," he tells me. "Ryou doesn't look like he's buckling you under his weight anymore."

"Ha ha," I dryly reply.

"He’s always been stronger than you'd think," Ryoutarou interrupts with a yawn. "Can you carry me, too?"

Ryota glances at us. "If he wants to carry Mitsuo."

" _I've_ got you," I huff, gripping him tighter. "Thought we were _partners_."

"I'm tired," Ryoutarou complains as the doors slide open. His legs are stating to give.

I pull him into the hallway. "We're almost there."

“Carry me, Tohru~” he grins cutely while he yawns again, making both of us stumble.

“Yeah _no_ —You’re too tall,” I mumble and drag Ryoutarou with me.

He laughs, and I can hear the peanut gallery also chuckling from behind us. “You should just do it,” Ryota pipes up.

“It’s like twenty feet,” I whine.

“Twenty feet I could be carried,” Ryoutarou slurs.

 _He really doesn’t look great._ I give in and pick him up, and now Ryota is guffawing.

Inside, I deposit Ryoutarou on our bed and he grunts before falling completely asleep. Ryota lies Mitsuo gently down, and then positions him so he’s laying with his head on Ryota’s lap. I can’t stop myself from cracking up.

“Don’t be rude,” Ryota frowns.

Ryoutarou is already asleep, but I wanna try something. _I looked up online how to work his shoulder._ _It probably gets tight._ So I roll him over and start taking his shirt off while Ryota shoots me a disgusted look, like he thinks I’m going to do something dirty.

“ _What?_ ” I demand. “I’m going to work on his shoulder while he sleeps. It’s perfect, this way he won’t complain and tell me it isn’t necessary.”

Ryota shrugs and I stop paying him any attention, instead trying to slide Ryoutarou to the edge of the bed so his arm hangs off. I focus on rotating his upper arm the proper way, like they showed in the video.

“You really do try to take care of Ryou, don’t you?” Ryota concludes.

“What’s it look like, dumbass?” I spit back at him.

“I didn’t expect you to be so...”

I sigh. “What?” I challenge. “Thoughtful? Well I am~ I really care about Ryoutarou a lot. Get used to it.”

_Why do I feel so defensive about this? Giving me a fucking headache._

_Everyone’s a headache._

He’s silent again while I finish up the rotations and then start poking at the knots in Ryoutarou’s back. _He hates this when he’s awake._

When I finally look back over at Ryota, it’s the fucking weirdest sight. He’s rubbing Mitsuo’s head and his own at the same time. “What the hell?” I breathe.

“His hair feels different,” Ryota states his observation.

“Well _yeah_ ,” I reply. “It looks a lot smoother than yours. What’d you expect?” The man is dumbfounded and continues his own stupid task. “Stop petting yourself,” I tell him and he listens.

I take a deep breath and ask the question that’s been nagging at me so badly. “Do you really like him?” _It’ll be easier to get the truth out of Ryota._

“Yes,” Ryota immediately answers, as if he doesn’t even need to think about it. “Even if—” he hesitates. “Even if he doesn’t really like _me_ ,” Ryota admits.

“You telling me this was a play all along?” I question, not quite caring anymore—But still wanting to know out of principle.

Ryota timidly nods, looking guilty. “I think I have a shot, though.”

I snort, shaking my head. “There are billions of humans, if it’s not meant to be him, you’ll still find someone.”

“You think?” Ryota asks me, smiling.

“Yeah, stop it,” I order. _Fuck, why am I being nice to him?_ _I don’t have to._

 _But it’s true._ “Of course you will. You’re ‘better Ryoutarou’, remember?”

He nods, still seeming unsure. Ryota looks down at Mitsuo. “I like this human.”

“You’ll like everyone,” I tell him. “You _already_ like everyone. Don’t get so stuck on the first human who’s nice to you. Just wait and see if it works out. Don’t force it.”

_I’m feeling nice for once. And part of me wants to see Ryota happy._

“Okay,” I exhale. “He’s done.” I roll Ryoutarou back over and he’s totally snoring. There’s no way I’m bothering to finagle his shirt back on, so I pull the covers up, hoping he doesn’t get cold without me. “I need to get to work.”

“I know,” Ryota nods. “Good luck.”

I leave the room and ride the elevator up to Ito’s office. Need to check in, per my contract. He’s my ‘contact’.

“You got the presentation?” I ask Ito.

“Yes,” he replies tapping his laptop. “It looks good. You’re scheduled for after lunch tomorrow.”

I sigh. _I don’t wanna..._

“And I’m incorporating Honda in the morning?”

“Indeed. His son’s having the operation today, but he should be free by then,” Ito fills me in.

“And you?” I question, smirking. _Don’t really want him on my team—Don’t particularly care for him or for Honda. And we‘ve already got five._

The man laughs derisively. “I won’t be fighting with you. Administrative duties only.”

“Of course,” I snort. “You’re such a suit, _Yukki_.”

“I see the schoolyard bully has upped his game,” Ito coolly replies. “You don’t intimidate me, _Tohru_. I’ve faced imbeciles like you my whole life.”

I smile big, hoping I do scare him. “I’m different than the breed you know. I’m _crazy_. Remember that, Yukki!” I tell him before abruptly walking off.

_If this is going to work, I need to keep everyone in a row. They all need to know their places._

_I’ll do fine tomorrow. I’ll prove I’m useful for more than my brawn and we’ll be all set forever. Just need to explain about personas and my methods, blah blah blah._

_Piece of cake~_

I wander the halls for a while. _Need to learn the layout. I have clearance to go almost anywhere. And if I don’t belong, they’ll just tell me to leave._

It’s a while before Ryota texts me when Ryoutarou’s up. I’ve made my way through most of the long, circular hallways on the top five floors of the building, memorizing all the offices and where the important people belong. _Maybe I’ll be up here someday._

_—When did I start caring?_

_When I realized I could rebuild my reputation from the bottom up. When I realized I didn't need to hide who I was to get along in this world. Now that everyone already knows who I am, I can live as myself. And in a place like this, I can get what I want by putting in the proper_ _amount of_ _effort._

_It’s the way I always wanted the system to work. Who’d have thought all it would take were a few murders?_

I laugh cynically as I head back down for the room number Ryota texted me. He said Ryoutarou and Mitsuo are heading for their physicals together and they’ll meet me there.

I take the stairs and meet them on another upper floor for the examinations. They’re sitting in a waiting room and Ryoutarou’s smoking again. _Right before his medical exam._ I groan and rip the cigarette out of his mouth.

“Don’t be a dumbass,” I admonish. “You wanted to get checked out, at least act like you wanna live.”

Ryoutarou stares me down and pulls the pack out of his pocket. He holds another cigarette out for me to light. I take it and snap the damn thing in half. Mitsuo decides to move over a few seats and leave us alone.

“You need to cut it out,” I tell Ryoutarou, who’s staunchly keeping quiet though he looks angry. “You really shouldn’t smoke for your health. And I hate it.”

“Really?” he smartly quips. “Then why’d you buy me that lighter?”

I laugh because this is so dumb. “Because I liked you, obviously.”

“Because you knew I like to smoke?” he rhetorically fishes, waving me off. “So leave it alone. I’m not quitting.”

“Did you always smoke?” I challenge, figuring he didn’t at least when he was with Chisato. _I doubt she tolerated that shit, especially around Nanako._

“Short answer?” he humors me. “ _Yes_.”

“Long answer?”

Ryoutarou sighs and pulls out another cigarette. He turns away to light it himself. “Long answer is also yes. Just not at home.”

“Mmhmm,” I hum. “You know it’s illegal here?”

“Yep.”

“You know it makes me look bad?” I sigh, as if I actually give a shit.

Ryoutarou frowns, as if he hadn’t considered that. He takes one final suck on the damn thing and then puts it out on the sole of his shoe. “Fine.” He hands me the butt.

I smirk, rising to toss it in a trashcan. When I sit again, Ryoutarou’s got his arms folded, looking even angrier—Like he’s thinking about something he doesn’t want to.

“What?” I ask him. He raises his eyebrows but stays silent, shaking his head.

Mitsuo gets called in first and he grimaces. _Must hate doctors too._

Ryoutarou’s called next, we’re the only other people in the waiting room. When I rise as well, I see the tech frown. _What did Ito tell them?_

We’re lead down a hallway. Along the way, we have to stop at different stations so they can weigh Ryoutarou and take his height. When they try to strap a blood pressure cuff on him, I’ve already had it.

“No,” I order and Ryoutarou gives me a look. “He doesn’t need that. You’ve done enough.” _There’s no point. I already know it’s through the roof._

The tech glances between us. Ryoutarou motions that he should do it anyways and I slap the cuff away. “Next,” I demand. After trying two more times, the tech finally gives up and I think Ryoutarou’s going to try and kill me.

We’re lead to an exam room and he’s given a gown to change into. He starts to strip when the tech leaves and I fold my arms— _Don’t want to see him in that. It reminds me too much of the hospital._

I want to say ‘no’, but my voice won’t come. _I can’t get the word out of my throat—_

When he starts to slip the thing on, I grab Ryoutarou’s arm and stare at it.

“What is it?” he tiredly questions. “I need to wear this.”

“ _No_ ,” I finally speak, but only that one word will come out.

Ryoutarou sighs. “Yes,” he says. “You need to let them do their jobs.”

“No—” I try again, but I’m still stuck. _Why can’t I explain?_

He sighs and tries to pry off my fingers. “Tohru, you need to cut it out and take a seat,” Ryoutarou patiently tells me, like he’s explaining this to an idiot. “I want to be seen by a doctor, and not one from town in case something’s actually wrong. These people would know what they’re looking at.”

“ _Nnn_ —” I try one more time. “It’s— _You_ —”

Ryoutarou gives me a look that feels too pitying, and it burns. “Tohru,” he says my name again. It sounds like he’s going to say more, but there’s a knock at the door.

“All dressed?” someone asks.

“No,” Ryoutarou calls. “One minute—” He turns back to me. “This won’t take long and I’m fine. Go sit.”

I look hard at his arm before I’m finally able to let go. I do, and sit down. He pulls the thing over his front and lets the back hang open, not really caring about any of this nearly as much as I do.

“Alright,” Ryoutarou calls loudly, for the people in the hall.

The tech reenters, preceded by a doctor. She introduces herself and takes Ryoutarou’s vitals. Then she performs the rest of the physical while I try to sit still and _not_ slap the instruments out of her hands.

“You listed two major injuries, neither of which were seen at a clinic or hospital?” the doctor questions.

“That’s correct,” I answer for Ryoutarou.

“Mmhmm. I’d like to see them,” she says and Ryoutarou peels off the top half of the gown, displaying his shoulders and chest.

_No._

“This injury isn’t recent?” the doctor asks, indicating Ryoutarou’s shoulder.

“Does it look recent?” I quip, feeling edgy. _They don’t need to look. Marie already took care of it. We don’t need more people prying—_

“You’d be surprised,” she brusquely replies, not even glancing in my direction. “When did it happen?”

“A few years ago,” Ryoutarou answers. “But it healed very quickly.”

“How quickly.”

“Quick enough,” I interrupt.

“ _Quickly_ ,” Ryoutarou reiterates. “More quickly than it should have.” The doctor makes a note. “Is that bad?”

“Not necessarily,” she replies. “And this?” She points to his chest.

“Recently,” he admits and I’m about to explode.

“Not that recently,” I evasively add.

“Mmhmm,” she repeats, making a note. “Also healed ‘quickly’?”

“Yes,” Ryoutarou answers before I can even open my mouth.

“He’s fine,” I tell everyone. “We took care of it.”

“‘We’?”

Ryoutarou glances at me, clearly wanting to tell the truth. I shake my head slightly.

“I always help,” I add. “He—uh—called me about it after.” _Because I should’ve still be in prison if it’s any older than a few weeks._

“Right,” the doctor sighs. “I’m sure... Anything else we should be aware of?”

Ryoutarou shakes his head. “I think that’s it.”

“Good. Then we’d like to run routine tests on several samples,” she says at the end, outlining how much they’ll need of blood, urine, and so forth. Then she says that they also want to scrape some of his scar tissue.

“No,” I speak up, sounding calmer than I feel. “You’ve seen enough.”

“It’s fine,” Ryoutarou dismisses my statement. “I’ll do whatever you think is necessary.”

“He’s not giving blood or anything,” I reiterate and the lady turns to me.

“It would be better if we could make sure he has a clean bill of health,” she appeals to me, glancing down at her chart.

I grit my teeth. “You’re not taking anything from him.”

“It’s routine,” she insists, holding out a form that lists the tests they say they’ll run. _Who knows what they’ll really do though? It’s not happening._

“He refuses,” I reiterate, not budging.

“You don’t have the power to refuse for him,” I’m told.

“We’re _going_ ,” I decide, standing and stepping towards Ryoutarou.

He shakes his head, also not giving in. “I want to have this done. Just wait, Tohru.”

“Show him to the lab after he changes,” the woman tells the tech, who nods before they both leave, closing the door behind themselves.

Ryoutarou starts getting dressed again. “This is nothing,” he says to me. “Relax.”

“No, I don’t want you to,” I tell him. “Let’s get out of here.”

_I don’t like this—_

“Tohru, I can’t indulge your paranoia so much. They’re regular tests, you need to calm down.”

_That’s not what this is. It’s common sense! Why doesn’t he get it?_

“I don’t want them taking samples from _any_ of us if I can stop it,” I insist. “I told Mitsuo and Ryota the same thing, you heard me. You need to say you changed your mind.”

Ryoutarou shoots me a withering look as he changes back into his regular clothes. “I’m doing it. I want to know what they have to say.”

_He’s talking like I’m dumb again. I don’t like it._

_Like he’s handling me._

“Quit it!” I burst out and Ryoutarou freezes, turning to me. “I told you I fixed your injuries!! Don’t you _believe_ me?!”

“You need to trust people,” he spits back. “I know what I’m doing. Leave it alone.” Then he walks out the door, leaving me there to collect myself.

I quickly follow, not leaving him to these people. _I don’t trust doctors. Or researchers._

 _Especially_ researchers.

Then I have to sit there while he gives them everything they ask for. I glare so he knows I’m still angry. Ryoutarou plasters on a sarcastic smile for me while they draw his blood. I flip him off as he carries the little containers to the bathroom.

When it’s finally over, we go to the cafeteria together. Ryoutarou needs to eat and I’m trying not to loose what’s left of my temper.

I refuse all the food he chooses for me, sitting in stony silence while he munches on yakisoba and salad. I drink hot tea that I pour myself.

“You should stop being so stubborn,” Ryoutarou finally tries to break the dense atmosphere. “The food’s pretty good here, for a cafeteria. You’d like it.”

I scowl back at him. “No. I’m not hungry.”

“You’re going to get hungry at night,” he sighs dramatically. “I’m not walking back up here with you...” I ignore Ryoutarou and he tells me that I’m not going to gain any weight back like this either.

_I don’t care anymore. I know my plan worked, that I’m turning more shadow. Why do I need to gain weight when it doesn’t make me any stronger?_

Ryota and Mitsuo join us as Ryoutarou’s finishing his first plate. He wolfs down the rest of the salad and holds up a hand to the others.

“Hi!” Ryota happily greets us, glancing nervously at Mitsuo.

Mitsuo looks like he’s going to fall over. I raise my eyebrows at him.

“They took too much blood,” he grumpily explains. “They said I already signed the paper and had to.” He rolls up his sleeve and there’re already bruises forming.

I roll my eyes. _I told him not to sign anything. It’s his own fault._

“Are you okay?” Ryota gently touches his arm and questions, for what I’m sure is the millionth time.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Mitsuo huffs, digging into a piece of cake. Ryota frowns at the fact that he hasn’t chosen any real food and, and passes him a salad. Then he passes me a second salad.

“Salad for all of you,” Ryoutarou laughs, choking down his dumb noodles.

Ryota watches me like a hawk till I pick up a leaf of lettuce and eat the damn thing. I slowly eat the different vegetables, barely chewing. Ryota happily watches me while Ryoutarou stares at us distrustfully, as if we’re hiding something.

_Which we kind of are. We never get along this well._

_And he knows it._

“All right,” Ryoutarou finally sighs, setting down his chopsticks. “What’s going on with you two?”

“Nothing,” I groan. “Don’t worry about it.”

Ryoutarou gives me a look that’s supposed to let me know he’s going to get it out of me. _He’s not._

“We’re going back,” I tell the others when Ryoutarou’s done eating. “You stay out for a while.”

“Why?” Ryota asks and Mitsuo bursts out laughing so hard he chokes. The other idiot thumps him on the back.

“You want me to sleep tonight?” I bait Ryota. He nods. “Then stay out!”

“We’re not having sex here,” Ryoutarou whispers to me as we walk away.

“I just don’t want some time to myself,” I reply. “Let them think whatever they want~”

Back in our room, I take out my laptop and review my presentation. _I know what I’m going to say, have it all memorized._ I even perform it once for Ryoutarou and make him ask me questions.

“Feel better?” Ryoutarou asks, reclining on the bed. “You’re gonna do fine.” He pokes me. “Can’t believe you wouldn’t let them come back because you wanted to practice alone. There are rooms upstairs you could’ve used.”

I crawl onto the bed and between his arms. Ryoutarou sighs and squeezes my midsection.

“I love you,” he mumbles. I poke his arm where they drew blood and Ryoutarou grunts. “That hurts.”

“Good,” I huff. “I told you not to let them,” I poke harder. Ryoutarou sighs and grabs my hands, holds them down.

“You know it’s better this way,” he tells me.

“I know no such thing~” I scoff. Then I twist around to wrestle him down to the mattress. “You should really listen to me.”

Ryoutarou rolls his eyes and lets me manhandle him, not caring. “I listen when you know more than me. This isn’t one of those times.”

I release Ryoutarou and lay down on his chest. _It’s relaxing..._

He rubs my head and we sit quietly until we hear someone’s key beep in the lock. It’s Ryota. He pokes his head inside and then yells to Mitsuo that “it’s safe”.

“We should get to sleep,” Ryoutarou tells me, pulling clothes out of his suitcase. “Need to be up early tomorrow.” He carries some of his workout clothes into the bathroom, dragging me behind him

“I sleep naked!” I yelp.

“Not here you won’t,” Ryoutarou quips. “I brought you some of my clothes. I thought you’d argue less.”

We squabble until I give in and put on a tee shirt and shorts that I’m practically swimming in. I purposely don’t tie them. _I don’t care if they fall._

We walk back out and Ryoutarou lies on the inside of the bed because if he’s on the outside he’ll end up falling to the floor. _He still can’t sleep in a western bed, I’m betting. That’s kind of cute._

I smile to myself as I curl up next to him, not ready to pretend to sleep. I watch Ryota and Mitsuo play games together and kind of want to join them—But they look like they’re having fun without me.

_Really—Does everybody have to stop needing me? Is that just the way life works? Once someone’s got something else, I’m useless._

I listen to Mitsuo explain something to Ryota, while the man laughs softly. _Like he’s funny. Probably just humoring him._

_Why can't I keep friends?_

_I could ask to play to, but—They should have asked ME._ I grab the pillow and stare ahead, wondering why this stuff seems so easy to everyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That last part is supposed to be reflective of he shitty situation(s) Tohru always ends up creating. How he always needs other people and needs them to need him. It strikes me as very sad. D: My iteration of the man thinks he’s so alone and it’s saaaad...


	20. Sleeping (Mitsuo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryota spilling more secrets to everyone! Tohru being a little bitch! Everything’s normal here!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)

 Chapter Seventeen: Sleeping

(Mitsuo)

After Tohru and Ryou leave, I turn to Ryota. ”And how do we know when it’s safe to go back?” I ask.

He waves me off as if I shouldn’t be worried. “I’ll check; don’t worry.”

“Were they _serious_?” I cringe. “It won’t bother you to walk in on that shit?” I question.

“Not really,” Ryota laughs. “I have much worse memories of them...”

_Cause that’s not weird..._

“Ah—” Ryota clears his throat. “Tohru used to be _very_ out of control. He’d regularly goad Ryou into doing it in public places, and there was one time he hurt Ryou very badly. He could’ve died.”

 _And what do I say to THAT_? I stare dumbly, having no words.

“So it wouldn’t be the end of the world. It’s not new to me,” Ryota rubs his arm nervously. “I’ve seen more traumatizing things,” he tries to joke at the end.

When I don’t say anything, he asks me if I want a piece of candy. I shrug and he produces a few small bars of Black Thunder.

“You—” I start, losing my voice for a few seconds. “You remembered my favorite.”

Ryota nods, grinning. “Yeah, of course!” he replies. “I pay good attention.”

... _You give me a lot of attention._

More and more I’m getting the vibe that he has real feelings for me. I don’t think it would be bad, but I don’t know if I want to go down that road.

I take a piece of chocolate and unwrap it, pop it into my mouth. Ryota is still smiling at me, resting his chin on his hand as he watches me eat.

_I don’t think I’ll get used to his fascination with eating. It’s like the most foreign thing to him._

“Why don’t you eat more often?” I ask.

Ryota gets a sad look on his face, then shakes his head to clear it. “If I do too many human things, I’ll start to become more human.”

“You don’t want that?”

He smiles sadly. “I don’t have a reason to become human. If I’m careful, I can stay this way and hang around for a long time.”

_Oh shoot—_

_Is that why he doesn’t sleep? Should I stop telling him to eat?_

“Ryota, I’m—”

He cuts me off. “No,” he replies. “I enjoy doing human things with you. It helps me learn. But I don’t do them when I’m by myself. At those times...” he trails off, his brows drawing together. “It’s—”

“When I’m by myself I try to remember that I’ll probably always be by myself.”

_That’s so sad..._

_How can he think that? How can he so simply accept it? He’s so nice. He’ll find someone who—_

Ryota shoots me a guilty look, as if he knows he’s said something totally tragic. He dumps the rest of the candy from his hand to the table and pushes them towards me like an apology. I feel a smile tugging at my lips.

_He’ll find someone who really appreciates him._

“I’ll still hang out it’s you, even if you don’t feed me,” I say, wanting him to know he doesn’t need to bribe me for my company.

Ryota smiles kindly, in a knowing way. “I hope you would,” he nods, reaching out and grabbing my hand.

My face definitely flushes as I try to yank my own hand away. _It feels like he never gets embarrassed._ He stays still and gives my hand a squeeze.

“I—” Ryota starts, but then flinches away from me, cutting himself off. “I think you know,” he says in a quieter voice.

I don’t answer, instead I rise and start towards the hallway. I can sense Ryota following me almost immediately.

We wander the top floor aimlessly, with me in the lead. I poke my head into different conference rooms and lecture halls. Ryota follows behind me, basically copying everything I do.

_It’s funny—He looks like the most serious guy, but then you realize that there isn’t much going on up there._

_I wonder what his head’s filled with, besides happy thoughts?_ _What does this man think about when he’s by himself?_

After what feels like enough time’s passed, we make our way back down to the floor with out room. Ryota opens the door and pokes his head inside before he waves me in. The other guys are fooling around on the bed but it’s nothing bad.

I point to the games and Ryota takes the hint. We sit in the bottom bunk and discuss strategy.

_I like hanging out with Ryota. He’s fun. He learns things so quickly..._

Ryota keeps scooting closer to me. I let him play with our legs, shoving his under mine and then changing our positions and so forth. _He’s like a little kid._

When I get tired, I nudge Ryota. “I’m going to sleep.” He smiles and hugs me like a big sap. Then I climb up to the top bunk to finish off my level.

"You're not gonna sleep in bed with him?" Tohru calls over. I see his eyes narrow in an unfriendly way. "If he's really like Ryou, that's what he'd want."

I hang down to look at Ryota, stretched out and still playing the game I gave him. "I don't care," he tries to tell me, but I can see he looks way too excited about Tohru's dare. "Whatever you want."

I glance back over at Tohru, who's wearing a totally shit-eating grin. "See?"

Dojima looks completely uncomfortable with the whole situation. He's tugging on Tohru to keep him from getting up and in my face. "Why don't you calm down. They may not be there yet." He says it in a way that it's definitely what he's hoping for.

So I hop down and crawl over Ryota to lean against the wall and play with my DS. I stretch my legs over his, perpendicular and he's all grinning and stuff. _Like he's enjoying having a fake boyfriend more than anything in the world._

I think we're in the clear, when Ryota moves my legs so he can reach his bag. He pulls out melonpan and a soda. "Want this?" he holds them out to me.

I'm about to say it's too late at night for this junk. But then I see the angry expression that passes over Tohru's face. I take the melonpan.

"Th-thanks," I manage.

"Of course!" Ryota beams. He's got this too-excited look on his face I don't care for. "You're my favorite." He twists open the soda and takes a swig. He passes me the bottle and the other two idiots are watching with such morbid curiousity, I can't do anything but take a sip myself.

Tohru's about to say something, but Dojima gets smart and wraps an arm around the smaller man. "Let them be," he quietly tells Tohru.

_I know he's doing all this cause I asked him to. But it still feels obnoxious—More than I expected._

Dojima is the first one asleep, with Tohru squished against him on the outside cause apparently Dojima's apt to fall off the bed. I think he's glaring again, but can't be sure. Then he rolls over so I can't see his face anymore.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" Ryota politely asks me. "I can call it quits for now." He snaps the DS he bought closed and pulls out a book. He glances at a little light, like he isn’t sure if I would be able to sleep if it’s on.

"You don't have to," I reply. "I can sleep with that little lamp on." I bend his reading light a few times for emphasis and Ryota chuckles. _Damn this guy's easy to please._ "When do you usually..." I trail off, remembering he doesn’t sleep.

Ryota shakes his head. "I don't." He turns red, like this is embarrassing for him to admit.

"But—"

He pats my head to stop my questions and I feel a little annoyed. _Why?_

_Because he isn't human? What does he do all night?_

_Is it lonely?_

"I don't need to sleep," Ryota admits. "It never... It never bothered me before."

I stare at him and wonder what the hell _that's_ like. _Must be lonely._

He flips through the pages in his book, just wanting to fidget. "Do you want me to try? I've done it before, but not recently.” He taps on the spine of his book thoughtfully. “I tried sleeping a few times to see what it was like."

"Yeah," I blurt. "Try it. Sleeping is good—You wake up feeling better."

"Alright," Ryota agrees and takes my game from me. He closes the lid, places it on top of his book, and slides both underneath the bed.

_This bed is not going to be big enough. I'm not short, and Ryota is gigantic._

"Don't worry," he whispers, almost inaudibly. Then he rolls over on his side so he isn't facing me and I do feel a little less cramped. _I don’t feel as claustrophobic this way._

I hesitate, but end up putting my arm around the other man. I feel him tense for a second in surprise, but then he curls his own arm around mine. _It’s..._

 _I still don't like being squished in this tiny bed, but maybe it’ll be worth it._ I'm kind of excited wondering what'll happen tomorrow.


	21. Something Horrifying (Tohru)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first of the bodyswap chapters!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should have another chapter out tomorrow. I’m really stoked about this and wrote some of it already. It needs a bit of retooling, but I think it’s mostly salvageable~

 

Chapter Eighteen: Something Horrifying

(Tohru)

I open my eyes and realize I’m having that dream again.

I’m laying down on the futon and can see the light cord. I reach up to pull it— _Damn my reach is good._ And the light clicks on.

_Too bright!!_

I squint, closing my eyes enough so the light doesn’t sear my vision. I can make out the door to the room. _I need to find someone. This pain—_

My head throbs as I make it to my feet and head for the doorway. I slide it open and practically crawl down a long hallway. Stairs are next. I’m trying to call for help, but no one comes. _Just my luck. Never anyone to help me when I need it._

I slide down the stairs— _okay maybe I fall_ —and then Nanako is there in the room. She’s hovering over me and asking if I’m all right and if I need help. She grabs my right hand and tries to haul me to my feet.

_Take the left! This won’t—_

But I can. I’m suddenly more dexterous with my right hand, while my left is a twitchy mess.

Little tiny hands grab at my shoulders, like the _smallest_ hands ever. “Are you okay?!” Teddie yells way too loud. “— _Kanji!_ ”

I open my mouth to speak again—to ask him what the hell he’s asking about Kanji for in _my_ dream—and I realize it isn’t a dream.

But I can’t get anything out. It’s like my throat is glued shut.

I pitch forward to throw up on the floor: shiny black and squishy.

And the smell and the nausea is too real this time. _I can’t play it off as a dream._

“ _Shadow!_ ” Teddie squeals, pushing Nanako away from me. “He’s puking shadow!!”

I can see the boy holding out his hand and trying to vaporize the blobbies like Ryota does. _Maybe I could_ —

I hold out my hand to try it too, but it’s no good. Nothing happens.

“Kanji, you can’t,” Teddie patiently tells me while Nanako rubs my shoulders and I continue to retch. “Call Kaasan!” Teddie orders Nanako.

“No,” she hesitates. “I don’t think that’s a good idea...”

Once all the shadow pieces are gone and there’s nothing left to throw up, Teddie says he sees the logic there. That it would worry ‘Kaasan’ for no reason. I don’t have the energy to tell them to stop acting so fucking weird.

But then Nanako and Teddie finally manage to get me to my feet, and they’re both ridiculously short. _It feels like the ground is a million miles away!_

 _Why are_ —

And then I’m in the bathroom and they’re trying to clean me up and I can see myself in the mirror and I scream. Because it’s not me, it _is_ Kanji!

“Where’s...” I manage to spit in a cracked and weak voice. “My phone?”


	22. Hell of a Nightmare (Kanji)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanji wakes up as Tohru. It’s much less jarring—physically—but he’s sure got it rough! He starts to learn about what Tohru has to go through every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not actually posting yesterday. I was in a huge slump D: But here’s a 4k chapter to cheer you all up~~

 

Chapter Nineteen: Hell of a Nightmare

(Kanji)

I wake up in a funny position. It’s hard and cold— _Definitely the floor._ But it can’t be _my_ floor.

Most of the house is tatami. I would have to have fallen asleep in the kitchen or the bathroom or something. _Unlikely..._

_And it smells too sterile._

I look down and realize I’m not even wearing my clothes. They look familiar, but they’re way too big and practically falling off—

Pants aren’t even tied, and then I realize I’m not even wearing underwear. _None of these are good signs. I’m no genius, but—_

I look down at the hands trying to tie the pants. They’re scrawny and fumbly and—

 _Not mine._ The usual scars from past fights are conspicuously absent.

But my arms have other, _different_ , marks. I’m mesmerized looking all the way up to my shoulders.

There are various different, jaggy lines and burns and pocks and stitch-marks form shoddy care in the past. I even see tracks that could be from self-harm.

Entranced, I pull up the big shirt to look at my stomach, just now realizing my skin is the wrong color. _It’s too translucent and looks thinner._

_What the hell?_

“Another nightmare?” I hear a crackly, sleepy voice softly ask from behind myself. I look up and realize I can see Kubo and Ryota sleeping on the bunks in front of me. A big hand pats my head and then tries to drag me backwards. “Come on—Go back to sleep. It’s fine. You’re not back in prison or something. It’s just Naichou.”

I pull free, afraid to turn around. All of a sudden realizing where I am—What I’m seeing all around me.

_I’m…_

_I’m in Tohru’s body._

I don’t know how or _why_ or what the fuck happened—But that’s where I am.

_I’m definitely, definitely in..._

“Hey are you alright?” Dojima asks me, sounding a little more alert.

“ _Uhh, yeah…_ ”

I hear him mumble something and then feel something else tap on my shoulder. “This keeps ringing, Tohru. Take care of it.”

His phone. _At least I can call him._

 _I’m way too calm about all this._ As if I can’t believe it’s real. Which is probably a natural reaction. It’s pretty unbelievable.

I walk outside the bedroom or whatever the hell this is and look at the screen: five missed calls from “Ginormous Fucking Brat” and a text message with a number code. I try punching it in and sure enough, it’s how to unlock the cell.

The thing rings again and I almost drop it. I manage to push the right part of the screen and Tohru’s already swearing with my voice.

“What the fuck why didn’t you pick up, you gigantic asshole!!” Tohru yells at me.

“Huh? _Wha—?_ ” I ask.

Tohru sighs. “We switched, obviously! Why didn’t you answer the phone!! I called you so many times!”

I rub my aching head. “Because I didn’t know. I was asleep on the floor and the phone was—” I have to pause my speech to yawn. “Dojima had it.”

Tohru’s panting and making aggravated whiny noises. “I don’t know what happened or how to fix it but you _can’t tell anyone_! That much needs to be clear!!” he growls. “I have too much riding on this Naichou trip—I’ll figure it out! Just be me for now, okay?!”

 _I don’t think there’s much I can do but agree._ I swallow back my fear and try to speak.

But he talks over my instantly. “Just— _Just_ —“ Tohru moans. “Oh fuck! Nanako’s coming. Just act natural—And _take care_ of everyone!”

He hangs up and I’m left in the hallway by myself, completely lost. I let the phone drop to my side. _How do I take care of everyone? What does that even mean? Is there danger?_

The door opens behind me and it’s Dojima again. “What’s wrong? Who was it?” he tiredly asks me as he scratches his shoulder.

“It, uh,” I stammer. “No one.”

Dojima sighs and takes the phone from me, pocketing it. “What? That guy you argued with yesterday again? You need to sleep. I’ll hang onto this.” He grabs my hand before I can stop him. “Come on.”

I try not to panic as he leads me back inside that tiny room. He basically drags me to the bed with him while I’m resisting, which is probably normal for Tohru.

 _Think fast, dammit!_ “I wanna—uh—I want the top bed. I need—To be alone!”

Dojima’s face falls and he rubs the back of his head. “Why? Don’t be like that...” he grunts, still hanging onto my hand.

_Isn’t Tohru supposed to be strong? If anything, I feel weaker than normal!_

I finally manage to get out of his grasp and jump up to the other bunk. “I just need to collect my thoughts,” I whisper behind myself.

“Hnn,” Dojima groans. “You’ll feel better with me.”

“Not right now,” I tell him and burrow under the covers. _It’s surprisingly cold here, and I’m not wearing much._

I hear Dojima sigh and lay down. Surprised at the sight on the other side of the small room, I peek at Kubo and Ryota again. They’re both asleep and Kubo’s got his arm around the big guy. _Weird..._

I yank the covers over my head and try to sleep. I’m not able to.

Dojima is awake first, with Ryota’s internal clock rousing him around the same time. I can hear them talking to each other.

“Yeah,” Dojima says to Ryota. “I was up a few hours ago. Tohru wasn’t sleeping. Playing with this again,” he sighs, holding up Tohru’s cell phone.

Ryota glances at me and our eyes definitely meet, but he doesn’t give away that I’m watching. “Well you know how young people are,” he smiles.

“Whatever. I hope he’s better when I come back,” Dojima replies, shoving the phone on my bunk while I pretend to sleep again. Then he stomps into the hall to smoke.

“Why’re you pretending to sleep?” Ryota asks me, his head popping up right next to mine. “Why didn’t you sleep with Ryou after you made that stink last night?”

_What big stink? He didn’t tell me anything!_

Ryota is still staring, and I think I’m frowning. He’s still smiling, but I fell kind of bad. _Tohru’s not very friendly to him as it is._ “Uh,” I start. “I needed—“

I’m cut off by Dojima walking back into the room. “Leave him alone,” he groans, shooing Ryota away. The other man looks sad but goes back to his own bed to wake up Kubo.

“Get dressed, if you’re up,” Dojima tells me. He hands me sloppily folded clothes.

_He’s only had these clothes for two weeks… They can’t be too gross, right?_

“Shit—” Dojima mumbles, as if remembering something. “Wait.” He finds crisper clothes and tells me to wear these instead. “Your presentation,” is all he says by way of explanation.”

I groan start to change. I give Dojima his workout clothes back, feeling really weird changing in front of everyone, even though we all went to the hot springs together. No one else seems to care, not even so much as glancing at me.

Tohru’s clothes aren’t bad. I can tell they’ve been washed, and the underwear is practically new. Dojima looks really happy when I take it form him, muttering “ _finally_ ”.

… _What the fuck is wrong with Tohru._

Then I hear him sigh from behind me as I’m putting my shirt on. “Wh-what?” I ask, not really wanting to know whatever it is.

“These,” he sadly tells me, pressing his hand to the small of my back. “I still don’t like it.”

“Huh?” I gasp, pulling away. I try to walk out the door behind the others who are already heading for breakfast, but Dojima stops me. He sighs and touches something on the underside of my chin that makes my eyes water. _And w_ _hat the hell is that?!_

“Isn’t it why you did _this_?” he asks me.

“ _Uuh_ ,” I drag out the syllable. _I have no idea what any of this is. I need to see a damn mirror!_

_I need to know what the hell goes through Tohru’s head instead of just being thrust into his body!!_

“You’ll be fine today,” Dojima pats my shoulder. “Just relax and explain it all like I saw you practicing last night.”

_Right. Tohru is supposed to give some lecture._

_...That is not good!!_

“You look like you’re going to throw up!” Dojima snickers. He slaps my back pretty hard and I almost lose my balance. Then he hugs me and tries to kiss me.

“ _Nope!!_ ” I manage, shoving my hand in his face. _Fucking Tohru!_

_We need to explain the shit out of this—NOW. I am not dealing with this! With any of this!_

Dojima groans but lets me go. He mutters something, sounding aggravated.

_I have my own responsibilities he’s probably fucking up back home..._

I try to push that thought from my mind and hope he’s not making a mess of things. _It can’t be too hard to be Tohru, right?_

“Let’s get moving,” I tell Dojima, opening the door and hoping he’ll lead the way.

He does. Dojima moves down the halls purposefully, like he knows where we’re going. We end up in a cafeteria on the top floor—Turns out that we were sleeping in the basement.

We walk through the line and Dojima throws things on my tray, saying I need to keep eating more. _I’ll be lucky to keep anything down. I feel so disoriented._

Once we’re sitting, I realize what an odd collection of food I’ve got. I grabbed soup and natto, but Dojima threw like ten pastries on, too. _How does Tohru not gain a million pounds??_

_I can’t eat this shit so early!_

And then I feel Tohru’s phone buzzing again, thank god! But Yuudai’s waving her hand in front of my face, pulling up a chair at the end of the table. Dojima bitches but she doesn’t care.

“Morning, murderer,” she jeers. _Oh my god…_

I spit natto and rice on the table. _I can’t take much more of this!_

Dojima sighs and wipes it up before inserting himself between Yuudai and I, kicking my chair sideways so I’m next to Kubo. Kubo then starts playing with my food, opening the packages and poking at the breads and mochi, laughing like an idiot. So Dojima shoves Kubo away, knocking him off his chair backwards— _Fuck this is such CHAOS._

Ryota pales, rising to help him up. He really screams at Dojima, as someone I don’t know walks over to our table and sits down across from Dojima. He sighs again. “Who’re you?”

The man raises an eyebrow but stays silent. He calmly begins to eat the small amount of food he’s chosen before answering. “Honda. I spoke on the phone with Tohru.”

I hesitantly nod when Yuudai raises her eyebrows at me. _I probably shouldn’t forget something important like that..._

Yuudai looks bored of everyone. “ _Tohru_ ,” she calls and waves me over to her and Honda. I start to get up and Dojima glares, so I sit back down. He looks baffled that worked. The new man tries to hide a laugh and Yuudai calls me again.

_What am I supposed to do with these people?_

Yuudai tries one last time and I walk over and squat between her and the new man—Then I realize I’m at least half a foot shorter than usual, so I stand back up. “You need to talk to Yasuyuki about the COMP.” _So that’s his first name, at least._

“Yeah?” I dumbly question. _What’s a ‘comp’?_

“My son is still stable, so I’m willing to work,” the man adds. “Show me what to do.” He smiles politely and I think we’re going to get along until I hear a loud _THUMP_ on the table.

I glance back to see that Dojima smacked it with a closed fist. “They already have a fourth,” he says to Yuudai. “ _Me._ I told you that go where Tohru goes.”

She stares at him like he’s dumb. “You need _five_ ,” she states, holding up her fingers. “Tohru says he’s a Nav.” She points to Ryota, who’s pushing candy across the table at Kubo. “Thought you’d already know that, Ryou,” she chuckles.

Dojima grinds his teeth, definitely mad. “O-of _course_ I knew that—” he tries to prove himself. He glances at me like I can save him, but I just shrug. Dojima frowns uncomfortably, looking left out.

The new guy laughs in an uppity way and then all hell breaks loose again. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Kubo stand up and throw an open carton of juice.

It splatters across the man’s crisp suit. Kubo grins crazily at me while Honda wipes his face and fixes Kubo with a startlingly blank expression— _Like Tohru._

“Knew you two would get along _splendid_!” Yuudai claps Honda and myself on the backs and I can’t help but feel utterly trapped with a bunch of crazies.

When Yuudai and the man leave, everything gets a little more normal. I’m between Dojima and Kubo, and both are staring at me like I’m some big fish. Ryota nervously glances between them.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Kubo smiles. “I put him in his place cause _Ryou_ can’t take care of himself.”

“Watch your mouth,” Dojima leans over to yell at Kubo.

“They’re finally getting along!” Ryota adds, grinning innocently.

_I don’t quite think so. It looked more like Kubo only had Dojima’s back to suck up to Tohru._

_How am I supposed to ‘take care’ of these people?_

When I look up again, Dojima’s asking me if I want some of his food and Ryota is telling everyone I need to eat. _It’s worse than being a child..._

I finally shove down the rest of the rice and soup, not touching the other crap. My phone is buzzing again—

“I need to take this,” I tell the others and rise from my seat.

“Wait a minute!” Dojima barks. “Don’t you need to meet with Ito?”

“Uh, soon!” I call back, heading down a hallway. I try a few doors along the way—all locked—and can hear Dojima complaining and on my trail.

I finally find a closet and duck inside. I press the lock on the inside of the door handle and lean against it to answer the phone.

“Help!” I whisper harshly.

"Who's giving you trouble?" Tohru asks, sounding frustrated himself.

" _All_ of them!!"

"Are you not keeping everyone in line?" he whines. “It shouldn’t be too hard for you.”

"What?"

"You're Dojima Tohru, dammit! You're in charge and you need to fucking _act_ like it! You're the _alpha male_!! Keep the others in their places!"

"It's like they're all waiting for me to react to them,” I tell him. “It's frustrating—Like I'm constantly the one who's supposed to show everyone else how to act or they go insane!!"

" _Duh_. What did I say? _Alpha. Male._ Freaking _act like it_!!" Tohru sighs. "Now who's the biggest problem?"

"Dojima."

"Okay," Tohru replies. "Well what're you calling him? Not 'Dojima', right?"

"Nn... No. I'm not calling him anything."

I hear Tohru groan. "No! Bad choice!!" he yells. "You have to call him 'Ryoutarou' when you're speaking to him and ‘Ryou’ to everyone else. Oh, or 'Ryoutarou' to someone if they've never heard you use it before, because then they know how close you are."

I briefly try to process the list he’s rattled off. "But why? Why does it matter?!" _This is psychotic!_

_...TOHRU is psychotic. And I’m stuck in his body._

"Don't be a dumbass!” he snorts. “Names are important. And if anyone— _anyone_ —even Yuudai—tries calling him what's for _me only_ , you _shut it the fuck down_!!"

"Huh?" I question.

"That's how it _works_ , Kanji!" he says all aggravated. "That name is only for me. And you'd better start getting clingy or he's gonna get out of control super quick! It's like he gets insecure if I'm not all over him—You're clearly too dumb to notice, but that's _not_ just for me."

Tohru makes a noise like I'm an idiot. "Nope—Makes him feel needed. If not, especially while you're working on persona shit—It makes him feel inadequate. Like he's _not_ needed, so then he tries acting all alpha-male—And!! Nuh- _uh_!! That is _not_ what you need! That's _your_ job! If the others think you're vacating that position they'll try to take over."

"You're fucking nuts!!" My breathing gets short and he tells me to calm down. To go slow and picture my lungs filling with water— _Wait, what?_

I think I'm going to have a panic attack— _Is this why Tohru has panic attacks? Because everyone around him is insane?!_

"Make sure you pick on Honda. Call him 'Yuki'. He and Ito are ‘Yuki-one’ and ‘Yuki-two’, so that Yasuyuki knows he’s at the absolute _bottom_ of the totem pole. And that way Mitsuo knows they're below _him_ and will keep following your orders.”

_I feel like I should be taking notes or something..._

"Be nice enough to Ryota. Part of him loves you because you're Tohru and he's part of Ryou. Use that to make sure he'll stop Honda—or anybody else—from beating the shit out of you. Because he will—I’ve got intel. And it'll _hurt_. I'm not strong anymore and my guess is that you aren't either."

"But you can't be too nice or Ryou will get jealous. Ryota just wants attention from _anyone_. He doesn't get what it's like to be human and he's super lonely. Try to pawn him off on Ito if he’s too much. They get along. Or his stupid new boyfriend.”

"What about—"

Tohru laughs. "What about _who_? Yuudai? You'd better fucking buckle up, loser! She is going to _eat you alive_ ~"

"She scares me."

"She _should_. She's Ryou's mom and they don't get along, but she likes me and that drives both him and Ryota nuts. Him because she won't be nice to him for the hell of it, and Ryota because she was mean to Chisato. She is going to verbally abuse the shit out of you and you need to give it back just as good or she'll know you aren't me. And _then_ you're fucked—You'll probably never be able to leave there again!"

"This is so complicated!!" I yell, kicking the floor.

"There you are!!" I hear and moan into the phone.

Tohru laughs hysterically. "Ryou found you, huh? It's like he has radar for where I've wandered off to... It's _adorable_ ~"

_…It’s terrifying._

“I can't do this!" I whisper to Tohru.

“ _Nut up, Kanji!_ You don't have a choice. Go suck up to everyone in the manner they demand or they're going to make your life hell." Tohru laughs maniacally with my voice and I hate it. “I’m working on this, so don’t worry. We’ll be back to ourselves by the end of the day!”

 _That shouldn’t be the end of the world_ —But then I can hear Dojima rattling the handle and yelling for me to get out of here before he calls maintenance. He's saying he wants to help me calm down. _Yeah that's not gonna happen. I will never calm down again!_

"He _will_ take that door down," Tohru tells me, laughing. "So you'd better get out there. And you’re probably gonna have to let him hug you or he’s going to freak out.”

“I-I think I’m going to lose my mind!” I can’t help crying into the phone.

Tohru sighs like this is a huge pain for _him_! “Kanji—Listen. Tell him you’re on the phone with you. Do it.”

“I—I’m own the phone with Kanji!” I yell.

I hear Dojima bang the door a few more times and then ask if we’re getting along. _With myself. That’s normal._

“Yu-up!” I say back. He tells me he’s waiting until I come out. “Shit,” I tell Tohru. “Do you _ever_ get a minute alone?”

He chuckles. “Not since I’ve been home, no. Harder than you thought, _isn’t it_?”

“I don’t even know where to begin on this…”

“Hey, listen—” Tohru suddenly starts, sounding serious.

“What?” I ask.

“He isn’t like the other idiots. If anyone tries to so much as _cough_ in Ryoutarou’s direction, you fucking go just absolutely _apeshit_. He will stop you from hurting anybody and they’ll remember you’re ‘ _crazy_ ’ and leave him alone. He’s yours while you’re me and he loves you, so you’d better fucking protect that!!”

He pauses for a minute. “ _I swear to you if you ruin my job I will cut off my arm. And if you ruin my relationship I will kill myself—And right now, I’m you. You want a body to come back to? Then pay attention and do what I tell you, got it?!_ ”

I recoil a bit and start sweating. _He’s a sociopath!!_

“Like that~” Tohru says, immediately switching demeanor. “But I’m serious. Do _not_ screw up my life or I will end yours. Do _not_ get too emotional—For safety. I’m not explaining the whole thing, but I have accidentally almost killed people more than once.”

_Great. How the fuck do I—_

“If you think you’re going to lose it, just smash your head into the wall. If you do it right, you should pass out until Ryota heals you.”

“This is…” _I can’t do that—!_

“ _Trust me_ ,” Tohru insists. “You’re in a good position, being me~! Everybody needs you right now, and most of them are willing to put their lives on the line for you, so just keep it together, okay?”

I nod before realizing he can’t see me. “O-okay.”

“Good. I sent you a file with my notes for the presentation, so have Ryou get the laptop and pretend they’re your notes. Basically just have him do everything you don’t know how to do and fetch the things you don’t know where they are. He likes that and it’ll cover for anything you don’t know.” Tohru sighs, sounding like he thinks this is going to work out. “Get ready to treat everyone else like _pure shit_. I’m counting on you~”

I get the feeling he’s going to hang up. “ _No!_ ” I shout. “Don’t go—“

“Tohru!?” Dojima yells, like he has the best hearing in the world all of a sudden. “What happened? Are you fighting with Kanji again? Is he yelling at you— _Lemme talk to him!_ ”

“N-no!” I yell back.

_I think I’m gonna cry! I can’t do this!!_

“Where’s Tohru!?” I hear Mitsuo loudly complaining now. “He has my DS! We’re supposed to play Pokémon!”

“ _I_ have it—“ Dojima tells him. “It’s in the room—Go get it yourself. He’s busy.”

“Tell them to get the laptop,” Tohru urges me. “It’ll buy you a few minutes. And take down any questions you don’t know the answer to so you can ‘figure them out overnight’. I need to go be _you_ , so I have to get going. Got a nice day of _knitting_ ahead of me~”

I hear someone running. “There you all went!” It’s Ryota now. “I bought snacks for you guys, where’d Tohru go?”

“Save me!” I choke out.

“Are you crying?!” More banging from Dojima and I hear Mitsuo shouting again. Ryota is laughing at them and telling us what snacks he’s got.

“You can’t hide in a storage closet forever—I’ve _tried_!” Tohru laughs and the line goes dead.

I can hear all three of the other guys outside the door bickering over what I’m going to do when I come out. Sounds like a toss-up between games, snacks, or a actual work. Dojima is the loudest, but I don’t think he’s winning.

I have never wanted any of those things less.

I have never thought Tohru was less lazy or less of an absolute _king_ to these people.

Ito comes down the hallway next. “I need Tohru,” he nervously tells the guys. “He’s scheduled to check out the acquisitions—”

Then they all start arguing even more, and all I can tell is that Ito is _definitely_ losing.


	23. Right Place, Wrong Time (Tohru)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tohru is Kanji! He has run-ins with Naoki and Daidara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of chapter gets the sad. Sorry not sorry!

 

Chapter Twenty: Right Place, Wrong Time

(Tohru)

Well I lied to Kanji. _I’ve got nothing. Absolutely nothing._

And now I have to somehow keep convincing him that I’ve made progress so he doesn’t tell the others. _Ryoutarou would blow a fuse. Ryota would never let me out of his sight again. Mitsuo would just make fun of me._

_That’s not happening. I need to get this straightened out!!_

I realize I’m pulling at my hair and let go. This is Kanji’s body. If I don’t wanna be found out, then I have to be Kanji. _I suppose I can start by going to work._

I clomp down the stairs and everyone’s waiting at the table, just staring at me. “What?” I ask, creeped out a little.

“You said you were making pancakes!!” Teddie hollers and I regret having asked.

“I did?” I worriedly confirm. _Okonomiyaki for breakfast?_

“ _Pancakes_ ,” I say again. “I really promised _pancakes_?”

“Like with syrup?” Nanako giggles.

_Oh dammit! THOSE pancakes. DUH._

“R-right,” I nervously move to the counter, where all the ingredients have been laid out for me. Nanako walks over to help, thankfully handing me stuff in the right order and correcting me like I’m joking when I’m making a mistake.

Cooking with these long limbs is a nightmare! I feel like I’m standing miles away from the stove and counter.

They come out okay. Nothing spectacular like _Kanji_ could do, but they’re definitely edible.

Stupid Teddie pours syrup all over his and Tatsumi acts like it’s a fucking joke. _I wanna smack him—He’s ruining it! I worked really hard on this!_

The only people I’ve ever tried cooking for are Ryoutarou and Nanako. I never would have cooked for all these people.

I eat in silence, while the others chatter about what they’re doing today. _Right. I have to work._

I end up being the one to wash the dishes, even though _I_ was the one who cooked. And then they’re herding me into the store. Teddie takes off with Nanako, and I’m left to heft boxes into the SUV and deliver them to who-the-fuck-knows-where. _That means more people._

Tatsumi reaches up to feel my forehead and comment that I seem off. _I’ll say. Wouldn’t she love to know that her son is really her favorite neighborhood killer._

_...She’d really murder me this time._

I get into the front seat, only then realizing I haven’t driven since before prison. _Fuck I hope this goes well. Ryoutarou won’t let me drive because my license was revoked…_

_But today I have Kangy’s license! Today I can do whatever the fuck I want~_

I start the car, jumping a little at the loud noise it makes. _This is pretty different than Ryoutarou’s car. At least it’s still an automatic._

I pull out of the driveway haltingly, with the GPS set for the first destination.

It’s all going pretty well until I find a small, not-really-delivery for the Konishis. _Fuck me. Just what I needed…_

I park the car in their backyard and debate dropping the small box and making a run for it. But when I step up to the door, the kid walks out.

“Hey, Kanji!” He calls, carrying two cups of tea. _Oh shit no—_

“Hiiii,” I drag out the word. “Delivery.”

“Pfft!” he laughs. “So serious for first thing in the morning…”

I hand him the box and he unfortunately exchanges it for the tea. I try to gulp it down, but then realize it’s practically boiling. _Can’t do that now._

_I’m not strong. I don’t have powers. I’m human and I hate it._

I manage to smile at the kid and he gives me a small smile back. “Lunch today?” he questions.

_No._

“No, I can’t,” I tell him. “Too busy…”

“Really?” Konishi huffs. “You said you were gonna stop avoiding me, Kanji.”

“Ahh—” I hum and the kid groans. “Yeah. Of course, Naoki-kun~”

“That was creepy,” he flatly tells me. “We don’t need honorifics, and you practically sang...” He laughs and I start to fume. _How am I supposed to pull this off?_

_I don’t wanna spend time with this kid!_

“See you soon,” Konishi says and carries out now-empty yunomi back into the house.

_Guess I have to._

_Fuckkkk!!!_

I show up at the bakery like he asked, and Konishi’s already sitting with his food. When he sees me he smiles and walks over while I order. He stands there with his arms folded, like the twerp could actually be protecting giant fucking _Kanji_.

“At least he didn’t pick on you about Adachi today,” Konishi says when we sit with my food. “Damn asshole!”

“Pick on m-me,” I repeat. “About Adachi?”

“Uh— _Yeah_!” he replies. “I hate it that you get treated like shit sometimes for helping the guy out. It’s not like you _asked_ to help him—He’s with your friend.”

“You don’t hate me,” I blurt, feeling incredulous.

The kid gives me a weird look over his sandwich. “No? I’ve told you before. I hate what he did, but I can’t bring myself to hate the person. It’s not in me—Just don’t invite us both for dinner.”

He smiles and I cautiously return it. _Right. I’m Kanji. He sees no reason for animosity._

_SHIT this is weird!_

I eat in silence after that, and Konishi asks me why I’m so quiet today. “Busy day, you know...”

“You’re never like this,” he insists. “Did someone bother you? You don’t have to keep it in.”

“Adachi,” I say before I can think better of it. “You should hate him—It’d be easier.”

“Maybe for him,” Konishi smartly states, balling up his napkin. “And easier isn’t the way I do things. I live my own way.”

“Right,” I say. _He should just hate me..._

_Why does everyone act like I’m not that bad? I don’t get it. I don’t trust these people—Any of them._

_Why make it harder on themselves?_

I pick at my food, not that hungry. _What else do I say to this guy? He seems happy just being with Kanji._

When the food’s finally gone, I’m able to separate and go back to the shop. Tatsumi is inside and acts happy that I went out with Kanji’s friend.

“That boy was always so nice,” she compliments him. “I’m happy he decided to stay in town after he graduated. He’s a good friend for you, different than your usual crew.”

“What’s wrong with my usual crew?” I argumentatively ask without thinking.

Tatsumi laughs. “Well you know... You take care of everyone so much, sometimes I worry that you’re not on even footing.”

_Sharp. People take advantage of Kanji._

_I take advantage of Kanji._

I don’t reply, making a sour face as I walk into the house, and smack right into Teddie. “Kanji!!” he yells. “I’m glad you’re back. I wanna show you the pictures of my boat—It’s finished!”

“ _Huh?_ ”

“You know! The boat that Ojisan and I were making. It’s done!” he cheers, pulling out his phone.

“You and... _Who?_ ” I repeat.

“Daidara-ojiisan!” he giggles. “Not _your_ ojisan! See?”

That clarifies things. _Somewhat_. Why’s he making a boat with old Daidara though? _That man’s too knowledgeable._

Teddie shows me a few pictures of a rowboat. In some of them Daidara is painting it. _Well, it’s certainly a boat._

“We’re taking it out today. You should come!!” he excitedly invites me. He pulls out a giant keyring and jangles the keys.

“What’s all that?” I question.

He laughs like I’ve made a joke. “Everyone’s keys!” he tells me. “Remember? Ours, Daidara’s, also Daidara’s, Shiroku’s, Marakyu, Konishi, the konbini, the café, the—”

“Okay I get it,” I cut him off.

“So you’ll come?” Teddie pleads.

“Gee, I don’t think so. Sorry,” I rebuff him.

Teddie puts his things away and grabs my arm. “But you said you would, _Kanji_!!”

I wince, yanking my arm away. “I don’t think so, br— _Kid!!_ ” I cover.

He gives me a weird look and grabs onto me again, trying to drag me to the door. “Yes,” he insists. “You can come to pick up Nanako, too!”

“Go on your own,” I tell him. _I can’t take much more of his whining!_

Tatsumi catches Teddie hemming and hawing and asks me why I don’t want to go. “We’re busy here.”

“Oh Kanji, you know it’s alright to quit a little early. Still as strict as ever.”

Teddie eyes me suspiciously and I fake him out to slip away. Tatsumi rolls her eyes and tells me to go. _I’ll just get out of it later. I’m sure I can make up some excuse._

Then Teddie leaves to go to the middle school and I start organizing the store. I’m proud of myself for having paid such good attention to Kanji before that I can easily replicate his afternoon jobs.

_Talking all morning was such a pain. He does this almost everyday? I’d rather kill myself. Too many incompetent people ordering stuff and then not knowing what to do, or forgetting what they ordered, or however else it’s possible to fuck things up._

Near the end of the day I have to run to the shop across the street to Shiroku for some odds and ends. I’m almost back when I hear someone calling out.

“Kanji!” I hear that old Daidara call. _Shit. Not him_. I try to ignore him and keep walking back to Kanji’s house.

“Kanji boy, get over here!” he bellows. “Right now!!”

 _Well I tried_. I sigh as I make my way to his shop. “Hi,” I manage. “I’m here.” _Kanji would listen to this stoop. He’d definitely listen. Dammit._

Daidara looks me over and I stand up straighter. “You’ll come with us to the beach. It’s been some time since you and I have done anything together.”

_It’s been years since he’s even spoken to the real me._

“You’ve missed having friends, haven’t you?” he oddly questions. “Join us. It’s an order, not a request.”

I groan and follow the old man into his shop. We walk through to the back and he explains about the boat Teddie and he have been building.

“Kanji~” Teddie screeches and I resists the urge the block my ears.

“You’ll praise the boy, won’t you?” he darkly demands.

“Uuh, y-yeah—” I stutter, rubbing the back of my head instead of scratching it.

Teddie finishes galloping over and wraps his super teeny arms around me. “I’m so happy you’ll come with us! Ojiisan said he thought it would be a ‘good experience’ for you!”

“ _Oji_ san,” Daidara rumbles at Teddie, lightly punching his back. “Let’s get going.”

“Where?” I ask.

Daidara points to his pickup. “You’ll help me get this in the back, _Kanji_ , and then you’ll have to squish in with the rest of us. One of them might even need to sit on you.”

“What do you know, old man?” I retort and he raises an eyebrow. “We’ll be fine.”

“All of your city-boy ‘boku’s give you away, son. If you want me to keep quiet, you’ll get in the truck.”

—He _knows_?

“How do you—” I start but Daidara lets off a huge guffaw.

“I know more than you _think_. A lot of us do, we pay attention.” Daidara slaps me on the back a little hard and I stumble with these awkwardly long legs. “So let’s get a move on. We’ve got a long few hours ahead of us.”

The car ride is excruciatingly painful. Teddie yammers the whole time, while Nanako giggles politely at all of his lame jokes. If I’m Kanji, I shouldn’t make any of my own jokes, so I just stare out the window, pretending to be tough.

Daidara and myself heft the sizable rowboat down to the water’s edge and he gets in with Teddie first. I watch the old man show the kid how to row safely and so he won’t loose the oars. They switch seats and Teddie gives it a go, proving to be more competent that anyone would’ve expected.

He brings them back to the shore and motions to Nanako. “C’mon, Nana~” he cheers. “I’ll take you next! Then Kanji can go last.”

“Not today,” I announce and Daidara gives me a black look. “M-maybe for a few minutes...”

With Nanako onboard, Daidara sits on the sand and tells me to hunker down next to him. “This is a good thing for you,” he asserts his position. “You got to spend a day as a hardworking, reliable part of your little clan. What did you think of Kanji’s life?”

“Now or then?” I sigh.

“Both.”

“He’s an entitled creep who’s too close to my family,” I spit. _It’s been way too long that I’ve needed to get that off my chest._

I start to go on when Daidara rolls his eyes. “But he’s also a hard worker who looks out for his own family, which—Which includes—That is—” I stumble over my words.

“It’s _you_ ,” Daidara fills in the blank. “ _You’re_ a part of his family now.”

I glare. “Yes. He’s a big help with Nanako, and he treats Teddie like a brother. He’s done a much better job than I have.”

“You need to tell him,” Daidara replies.

“I know,” I sullenly admit. “But I don’t want to. I—I don’t want him to know that I think he’s as good as he knows he is. He thinks they should rely on him more than _me_ , and it kills me because he’s bett—” I clamp my mouth shut, seething.

“He’s not,” Daidara says like a know-it-all. “In some ways he is a better man than you, but Ryou and Nanako depend on you, and you should already know that. Stop thinking up excuses to keep everyone else at arm’s length. You don’t need to.”

“But I do,” I protest. “I need everyone to respect me, and if they’re too close, then they’ll know all my weaknesses.”

Daidara sighs, sounding old. “That’s how friendship is. That’s why it’s good to depend on others. You can help each other with your flaws.”

I keep quiet for a minute, going over all the shit I’ve had to eat today. “Kanji,” I hesitate. Daidara turns towards me, questioning. “Kanji takes a lot of crap.”

“That he does,” the old man laughs. “And how did you feel hanging out with his old friend, Naoki? Did you finally feel some remorse?”

I give the bastard a harsh look, and then play with the sand at my feet. “Looking back, it’s all different. It’s _muddled._ None of it feels as important or as real as it did back then.”

“You killed a _good kid_ , Tohru,” Daidara tells me, locking eyes. “You will always have to carry that with you. But you were also turned crazier by the fog, so I’m willing to give you another shot.”

He takes a drink from a bottle of water, pausing for a minute. “So are a lot of other folks. I know Shiroku and Aika are with me. Not everyone here is out to get you—Remember that.” Daidara hands me the bottle of water and I have a sip, watching the kids out on the boat.

_What makes Teddie so happy with himself? He’s always looking so excited and he’s so..._

_Honest. He’s an honestly happy kid._

“That could’ve been you, right circumstances,” Daidara’s deep voice says softly. “Don’t hate the boy because he’s got something good going on. You’ve got your own good thing going on, you know.”


	24. My Boat (Teddie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teddie gets to ride in his boat with Nanako and then... Tohru as Kanji. Oh—HE KNOWS!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s taken longer than usual for me to get this chapter done. I’ve been working on some other drafts (including a new idea for an AdaJima story ;D), so I’ve been devoting some of my writing time to those. The sequel to WakaranAi will also be out soon!!
> 
> I got an account on Patreon. Let me know if you make a donation to keep things running smoothly and I'll fill a request ;D  
> https://www.patreon.com/Akaicchi

 

Chapter Twenty-One: My Boat

(Teddie)

I row Nana and I a little ways past the breakers. _I’m glad Kanji’s been teaching me to lift weights. I’m can tell that getting stronger!_

_I’ll need that strength to keep us going. I’ll row the whole time! This is something I can do for us. And I can make boats—_

“Daidara says we can make something else, next,” I tell Nanako. “He says maybe a bookcase or a desk.”

“Oh,” she replies, smiling. “That’s good. You can learn another trade!”

“Yeah! Maybe I can do something that involves both...”

Nanako thinks about that. “Mm,” she agrees. “Like a chair and a cushion?”

“That’s a good idea,” I tell her. “Hey! If you need anything for your room, let me know~”

Nanako smiles wider, laughing. “I’ll have to take a look. Maybe a table?” She thinks it over. “You know I only have my desk.”

“Okay!” I reply. “We’ll make it really soon.”

We get quiet as we drift along, trying to peek at what’s below the surface. “This is peaceful,” Nanako says, wrapping her hair up with a band. “The wind feels so good this time of year.”

“It does.” I sniff the breeze, smelling ocean and animals and the outdoors. “It’s starting to get dark...”

“You want to take Kanji for a quick ride too, huh?” she reminds me.

“I do,” I nod.

Nana starts to take the oars from me and I tell her no. _I wanted to do this—_

“We’re a team, right?” she insists and I let her have a turn.

She rows correctly, and looks very powerful. We follow the shore for a short while, with Nanako working hard the whole time.

“I’ll get stronger,” she tells me, even though she looks very strong to me already. “I promised.”

“But you already—“

“Nn-nn,” she shakes her head. “I’m going to do it. I’ll become like Big Bro and lead everyone. We’ll take down as many enemies as we have to. It’s going to begin soon, and I know I can count on you. But I want you to confidently count on me, too.”

“Always!” I assure her.

Nana smiles kindly. “I’m becoming the kind of person you can depend on. So just wait a little longer. You and I will be going on a trip soon. That’s where we’ll meet our team. Long Nose told me, so I’m doing my best.”

“You met Long Nose?!” I excitedly ask.

“Mmhmm,” Nana nods. “He told me to keep getting ready. That next week I’ll receive an invitation I ‘should not ignore’... You’ll come with me, right?”

“Of course!” I tell her. “I’d go anywhere!!”

“Good. Let’s rely on each other more.” Nanako bites her lip. “I’ve been training without you, but I’ll include you from now on, alright? As long as you keep it between us.”

_I feel like I should at least tell Kanji, but..._

“Anything,” I promise. “I’ll do whatever you need. Pinky promise?” I hold up my hand.

“Just like we used to,” Nanako grins and grabs my little finger with hers.

Then I row us back to the shore and Nanako gets out. I watch her walk over to Daidara and he hands her a bottle of water. ‘Kanji’ gets in.

I bite my lip. _I don’t think that’s Kanji._

I row us out a little before I try asking: “Where’s Kanji?”

“Huh?” “Kanji gasps. “Wh-what do you mean? I’m Kanji! _Durrr!!_ ”

Then it’s as if a light clicks on in my brain. “You’re _Tohru_ , aren’t you?”

“How do _you_ know?” he snarls.

_Yup, that’s Tohru. Kanji would never react that way to me._

“I’m Teddie,” I cryptically answer. Tohru angrily stares me down. “And you’re not cuddly like Kanji...”

“Damn straight I’m not ‘cuddly’!” he huffs. “You’d better not tell anybody— _Especially_ Nanako.”

“I won’t!” I reply. “She can’t hear us way out here.” I think for a few seconds. “When’s Kanji coming home?”

“Soon,” Tohru brushes me off. “I’m working on fixing th—“

“ _It wasn’t on purpose?!_ ” I shout, shocked.

“No you stupid— _UGH!!_ Why would I do this to myself on purpose?!”

“O-ooh.”

“I’m working on it. So, soon. Don’t worry, okay?” Tohru tells me.

 _He seems kind of nervous._ “Okay!” I reply, smiling at him.

I bring us back to the shore and Daridara drives us into town. Nanako has him drop us all at her house for dinner, and we go inside.

“There are leftovers that Tohru-jisan made for me,” she tells us.

I elbow Tohru and he shoves me away. Nanako gives him a dumb look.

“I need to pack clothes. Want to come up?” she questions.

We nod and follow her. Upstairs, Nanako pulls out clothes and puts them into a bag. Tohru wanders around her room, looking at different things— _They probably weren’t all here the last time he came into her room. That was probably... Not recently._

“What’s _this_?” he asks, paling as he points to the doll I made of myself for Nanako years ago.

“Made with real Teddie fur!” I happily grin.

Tohru looks absolutely disgusted. “You _want_ a plush of Teddie?”

“Why wouldn’t I, Kanji?” she laughs like he’s joking. “And now it has even more meaning.”

“Really?” I ask her.

“Well,” she hesitates. “It’s like it’s a part of Tohru too, right?”

Tohru looks like his heart is going to explode. I try to hide my smile and _he_ tries to glare at me. _That’s hard when he can’t stop smiling, though._

_I think he’s happy._

“I was kind of hard on him the other day,” Nanako sighs. She’s still packing away and hasn’t turned towards us. Which is good for Tohru. He’s blushing like crazy!

“I need to talk to him abut my sh— _Nothing_ ,” she quickly covers.

 _What was she gonna say?_ I glance at Tohru, but he’s not meeting my eyes.

Dinner goes well. Tohru and I wash the dishes while Nanako straightens up the house.

“This picture...” she trails off, walking over to the table with all the photos.

Tohru isn’t paying attention, but Nanako is picking up the new shot of Tohru and Dojima. The photo got a little crooked.

Nanako sets it on the table and pries off the back. “This—“ she startles.

“What is it?” I ask, crowding around her.

Tohru wipes his hands and joins us. “ _Oh, that—!!_ ”

“Hmm?” Nanako hums. “It’s another photo! Who did this?”

Tohru is frozen in place, like he doesn’t know what to do. He grabs my arm and squeezes a few times. _What is it?_

Nanako flips the photo over and it looks like an old picture of Dojima and some kid. _Why does Tohru care?_

“Who... Is this?” Nanako questions aloud. We shrug—And Tohru is doing his best to play it cool. She replaces the picture. “I’ll have to ask Dad when he gets back.”

“Do that!” I smile.

Tohru shakes his head ‘no’. “Maybe you should leave it be,” he weakly voices.

“But Dad put it here. I want to know why,” she replies.

“Maybe it was someone else?” he tries.

“Like Tohru-jisan?”

“Who knows,” Tohru says. “Maybe your grandmother?”

Nanako snaps the frame back in place. “We’ll find out later,” she concludes.

And then we go back to my house. Nanako stays in my room and I walk into Kanji’s room with Tohru. He flops down on the bed, looking beat.

“I know you’ll figure it all out, Tohru,” I say and hug him. I can tell he really needs a hug.

“Lemme go,” he whines. “I need to sleep.”

“You can sleep like this,” I say, not letting go.

_I’m really tired. Maybe if I hug him enough, he’ll sleep too._

Tohru yawns. “I’m so tired cause I’m a human now...” he moans. “I hate this... I hate being Kanji and I hate having to deal with all these people.” He keeps complaining, but Tohru scoops me up in a hug.

_He pats my head absently, like he needs to hold something. Is he okay?_

“I miss Ryoutarou,” he mutters.

I’m a little worried that maybe he’s crying, but the next thing I know he’s asleep. So I lean against him and try to sleep too.


	25. A Burst of Insult (Kanji)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanji spending the rest of the day 'working' like Tohru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things end kind of abruptly with the body swap, but we’re going to come back to it and they’ll figure out what happened. Don't worry~
> 
> Sorry for taking so long to update. Masa has been sick lately and I’ve needed to help him out.
> 
> Lastly, I took my favorite line for the title. What Kanji really means is “a burst of insight”.

Chapter Twenty-Two: A Burst of Insult

(Kanji)

When I finish giving Tohru’s talk, everyone claps. I’m surprised they bought all that shit— _A lot of it sounded like stuff he thinks is true but, but how could he prove it?_

“I’d like to take down any questions,” I announce. “So that I can research them overnight and email you all later.”

“You can’t answer them now?” Yuudai breaks in. _He told me this would happen, but I still feel weird directly telling his boss ‘no’._

“Maybe I’ll figure out something new,” I try to explain “You know, a burst of insult!”

Yuudai shrugs, like she’s not really bothered at all. “Shall we pass around paper, then?” I see a few people write down questions and pass them forward. I collect the papers and put them in a pile for Tohru.

I’m getting ready to leave the room, when the guys come up to me. Ryota’s eyes are wide and he’s got this explosive look on his face like— _Like he’s putting the pieces together._

_Oh-oh..._

He doesn’t say anything though, just stares hard. Like he’s trying to see past my skin. It’s not a good feeling.

Dojima grabs the laptop and I take the rest of my papers. We walk back to the room while Dojima and Kubo comment on different things I guess they didn’t understand before the presentation.

We’re almost at the elevator when Namatame catches up with us. _He’s not a bad guy, but he’s also not the top of my list._

 _What could he want?_ Namatame motions me to talk to him for a minute. The others watch me expectantly, like I should go. Even Dojima nudges me towards the man, like he’s cool with him.

I step aside and Namatame smiles disarmingly. _They always said he was charismatic. I guess when he’s not worried about people dying he can be personable._

“They tested me, too” he informs me, rolling up his sleeve to show me his bandage. “Think there’s actually something in our blood?”

“Maybe,” I try to make it sound like I know more than I do.

“Well I have an Izanagi, too,” he tells me. “Black as a moonless night...” Namatame smiles in a way that’s _almost_ smirking.

“O-oka-ay,” I nervously reply.

Namatame rubs his arm. “It’s creepy.”

_Sounds like it!_

“I didn’t realize that he was residing inside me... How could I not have known?” Namatame says. “How did you know you had yours?”

“I...” I shake my head. “Write it down,” I instruct, passing him more paper. He does as I ask, thankfully.

_And how did he get one, too? Does everyone have an Izanagi now?_

“Well, that’s all,” he concludes. “I just wanted to let you in on that. Unsure if anyone told you they were— _Ah_ —” he cuts himself off to lean in closer. “Experimenting on me, I suppose. I don’t mind. But be wary.”

“I—I will,” I reply. _What the fuck has Tohru gotten himself into this time?_

As I walk back to the elevator, Dojima breaks out in a grin. _What’d he get Ojisan into?_

I let him grab my hand while we make the short trip to the room. _He seems more protective of Tohru than I noticed before. Like he’s more aware of everything Tohru does than we thought._

_How much does he really know? It’s not like I can quiz him or tell him anything—Tohru would have a cow._

I feel weird when he starts rubbing my hand, but I let it go. I’ve been way less affectionate than Tohru is. _I gotta give him something so he doesn’t find out. I sure as fuck don’t wanna get experimented on._

_But I also don’t like pretending to be in love with my best friend. It’s weird._

Back at the room, we play videogames until dinner. Tohru sent me a few texts that I reply to, and then Kubo is handing me a DS, and he and I are playing Pokemon while Ryota plays Animal Crossing.

I’m surprised that Kubo lets the big man get so close. He’s always seemed particularly un-cuddly to me, but Ryota drags him between his legs and holds his game around Kubo, like they always fit perfectly like this. Dojima does _not_ look cool with the situation, but I don’t wanna get anybody worked up, so I stay quiet.

After we start packing it in for dinner, Ryota grabs my shoulder when we’re filing out of the room. “What’s going on?” he whispers.

“Nothing,” I brush his hand away.

“You’re not Tohru,” he says, kicking the door closed before I can make it out with the other two. “Are you Kanji?”

“ _Yeah_ ,” I roll my eyes. “I’m Kanji. _Help me!!_ ”

He nudges me forward, sighing. “I thought so. Let me think.”

Things go smoothly after that. Ryota is mostly himself, but seems lost in thought.

When dinner is over, all I want is to sleep. But sleep means going a back to that room with Dojima, Ryota, and Kubo. _They aren't going to just let me be, are they?_

I open the laptop to check Tohru's email. _Maybe he sent me something about getting back to normal..._

We end up all going to a lounge, and I take out the laptop to input the questions. Dojima reads and the other two talk to each other.

I make the mistake of yawning, though. The laptop screen is slammed shut almost immediately. Dojima smiles and puts his arm around me. "You've done enough for today, you don't need to work so hard."

"Uh, yeah," I reply. "How about I go play one of those games by myself before bed?"

"You want to sleep this early?" Dojima asks, sounding surprised.

I nod. "Yeah! Long day. You know..."

"Hnn," he folds his arms. "We should shower first."

"Nope!" I yell and Kubo turns to stare at me. "I'll take a nap, then!!"

Dojima shrugs. "Sure—Let's go."

"I can go by myself," I assert. I feel so claustrophobic with him constantly hanging around me.

"You don't want me to come?" he asks, kinda sad and frowning.

Ryota snickers and even Kubo makes a pitying face. "I—I just need some time alone. To process everything."

"Your talk?" Ryota volunteers.

"Yes—That's it!" I agree, silently thanking him. "Took a lot out of me."

"I'll at least walk you to the room," Dojima angrily tells me. He grabs the laptop and my hand, pulling me towards the elevator. He keeps glancing at me and I start to get anxious that I’ve made him upset.

"What?" I ask, trying not to sound too frustrated.

"You asked me not to leave you alone here... Why're you suddenly so distant?" he quietly asks me.

I shake my head. "Just a bad day. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow."

Inside the elevator he hugs me and I'm really starting to realize I hate being so short and skinny. _Having someone hug you or hit you or even just carrying a laptop is totally different. I feel so powerless compared to normal._

When it finally dings, Dojima lets me go and I practically bolt for our room. I text Tohru that I'm taking a nap and trying to get Dojima to leave me alone for just a few minutes. He doesn't reply, so maybe he's doing the same.

Dojima insists on sitting at the desk and reading a book while I sleep. _He really won't leave me alone._

I lay down and he asks me if I wanna at least change before I sleep. I tell him no and roll to face the wall. Trying to pretend I'm at home as myself and this is all just a nightmare...

The next thing I know, I'm opening my eyes and Teddie is curled up next to me. _Wait—Teddie?!_

I bolt upright and scream so loud the poor bear screams, too. "Teddie!" I call his name and hug him.

"Hwah?" he sleepily asks. "Kanji?!” he shrieks. “ _Is it really you, Kanji?!_ ”

“Yeah,” I laugh as he hugs me. “I’m back.”


	26. Love and Weakness (Tohru)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tohru’s got some big news! (And getting big news, too...)
> 
> But hey, you've gotta lose to gain, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ‘Lenny’ reference is from “Of Mice and Men”. It’s a story about a large, mentally handicapped man who loves hugs and soft things. He accidentally snaps the neck of a puppy and a lady. Tohru is a snarky asshole ^^;
> 
> I’ve been slow with the posts lately. If you don’t know, my husband had a medical procedure and had to stay in the hospital... I’ve been busy with him, and today is Thanksgiving (ugh). So I’ve got a lot on my....PLATE!!! lol But really: I want to do a rewrite of the next chapter so it will take a few days again. It’s a Ryota chapter and it’s about his body and how shadows work with their “stuff” :D Teddie has made comments in the game that he’s neither male nor female and I’m addressing that. So please look forward to it ^_^
> 
> One more rant—I don't think I’ve ever addressed the fact that Tohru and his clothes has gotten more and more ridiculous to the point where he’s just basically a nudist; hates clothes. It’s ridiculous, but hey—I’m creating... Character traits...?
> 
> Please leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts on the stuff that’s been going on in-story and for the future. I always appreciate it!!

 

Chapter Twenty-Three: Love and Weakness

(Tohru)

When I open my eyes, it's dark. Someone's pressed against me and snoring super loud. _That’s sure not Teddie!_

_I have never been happier to hear those awful noises!!_

"Ryoutarou!" I shake him. He blinks a few times before realizing I'm excitedly calling his name. He wraps an arm around me, pulling me close before falling back asleep. "Fuck I missed you!!" I say into his shirt.

And then I realize I need to do something. _I need to make sure that doesn't happen again!_

"Lemme up!" I push off of him.

"Why?" Ryoutarou mumbles, sounding hurt. "You haven't wanted to spend time with me all day... Just stay here for a while. I told the guys to keep away until later. Give me some time with you…”

I find my phone and check the time. "Later as in...?"

"I don't know. I think I said ten. Neither slept early yesterday anyhow."

_Huh. I can wait a bit—_

_I’m definitely not going to sleep for a while and I think I need Ryota’s help and he’s gone and..._

I take a breath. I have a bad feeling that I know what I’m going to say. “Until they come back I will do _anything_ you want. It’s only like nine!”

“Huh?” Ryoutarou asks me, confused. “Why? You’ve been so _off_ , Tohru!”

“You have no idea what happened to me today—”

He shakes his head. “We’ve been together almost all day, what do you mean? You’ve been weird—”

“Don’t worry about it,” I laugh nervously. “ _I—_ ” I take a deep breath.

_I realized a lot of things while I was gone. Like how much I depend on Ryoutarou and want him around to help me out and—_

The words catch in my throat for a minute, then rip loose: “I—I want you to know that _I love you_ — _And_ —”

That’s all I have to say and he’s definitely awake, cutting me off by pressing his mouth to mine. “Wait,” I try to say, but Ryoutarou’s pulling me to him, tugging at my shirt.

When it’s off, he runs his hands over my body. Then he remembers I’m apparently wearing shorts too, when he has to yank them down and—

 _That’s weird._ I’m wearing underwear.

It doesn’t deter him though, actually seems to turn him on more. I can feel Ryoutarou rubbing me through the fabric and it feels weird. I feel _constrained_.

I reach down to slide the stupid thing off and he helps, shifting me on top of him so I can move around easier. But I’ve had it. I stick my hand through one of the leg holes and yank on both sides until I make the damn underwear rip.

“No more of that bullshit,” I snicker.

I see Ryoutarou’s face fall. “You we’re starting to act _human_...”

“Don’t get used to it,” I jeer, tossing the ripped mess aside.

And then the goddamn door clicks open and Ryoutarou’s tugging the blanket up and over us. “Ahh—” he yells. “ _Just a minute._ We’re— _Changing._ ” He turns to me, whispering loudly. “Quick—Put your damn clothes back on!”

I pull on the shorts and then Ryoutarou’s yelling that Ryota and Mitsuo can come in. They’re laughing and Mitsuo has a game with him. Ryota is carrying a bunch of sodas.

“Bedtime?” Ryota questions. I’m sitting up on the bed, so he hands me a soda. I crack it open after putting on my shirt. He looks down at his feet, puzzled. “What’s that?” he asks.

“ _Nothing!_ ” Ryoutarou grumbles, picking up my ripped underwear and throwing it away in the bathroom. “Tohru’s being Tohru.”

“ _Is_ he now?” Ryota observes, sipping his soda and staring at me too keenly. “Maybe we should go chat about your... Uhm...” Ryota tries to think.

Meanwhile, Ryoutarou comes back out of the bathroom and stares Ryota down, hands on his hips. “What do you need him for?”

“About tomorrow,” I lie. “I said I’d give him some pointers about the physicals.”

Ryota nods and Mitsuo rolls his eyes. “Leave mine alone. You’ve got your own.” He points to Ryoutarou, who wrinkles his eyebrows, disturbed he’s been reduced to ‘mine and yours’.

“No,” Ryota tells him. “It’s okay! We’ll be back in a few—Just going to go down to the lounge.”

The other two look skeptical, but finally agree. “Since when do they get along?” I hear Mitsuo mutter as we leave the room together. He’s opening his DS and snapping it shut.

In the hallway, I’m quick to ask Ryota how much he knows. “What do you think is going on?” I try.

“I know that you and Kanji switched bodies,” the man admits, folding his arms. “Why? What did you _do_??”

“Nothing—” I huff. “It just _happened_! Can you fix it?”

“Sit,” Ryota tells me, pushing me to a chair in the lounge. He places his hand on top of my head and concentrates. I feel all tingly.

I shiver and he pulls away. “You were forcing it,” Ryota tells me, curious. “Why were you forcing your consciousness into Kanji’s body?” he sternly interrogates.”

“I—I wasn’t!” I declare. “Not toda— _Oooh!!_ ” I realize _. Could it have been because of the other day?_

I shake my head and Ryota takes a seat across from me. “The other day, when I shot him—I forced my memories into him. But it was only _right then_!” I protest. “I haven’t tried it again since!”

“You haven’t gone into his body before today?”

“There were...” I sigh, trying to figure out if the dreams were a part of it. “Could the weird dreams have been the same thing?” I question aloud, rubbing my cheeks with my hands.

“‘Weird dreams’?” he repeats.

I nod. “Yeah,” I start to explain. “I kept having these dreams that I was somebody else. I could walk around a little bit, but then I would wake up. I think I was in Kanji’s house.”

“Dreams are very...” Ryota muses. “They’re very tied to personas and shadows and our unconscious desires and all of this. That _could_ be it.”

“I’ve had those dreams every night since our fight,” I admit.

Ryota “ahh”s and snaps his fingers. “That’s gotta be it, then!” He stands and puts his hand on my head again. “Lemme block off the channel completely, and then I’ll have to do it to Kanji too. That should do the trick!”

It turns out that ‘blocking off the channel’ feels like I’m being _suffocated_! It literally feels as though he’s closing off part of my lungs, my brain, my whole body.

I make a strangled cry and Ryota massages the back of my neck. “Just breathe,” he tells me in a calm voice. _Well it feels like you’re literally killing me you fucking buffoon!!_

“Annnnd done!” Ryota cheerfully declares, backing away. I cough and a wad of something comes into my throat. I spit it out and it’s that sludgy shadow material. Ryota yips and vanquishes it before it can even splatter across the floor.

I touch my throat a few more times, trying to feel like I can move again. “You need to do it to Kanji, too?” I ask.

Ryota nods. “Or Teddie can.”

“Let me call him,” I decide, pulling out my phone. “Hello?” I say when he picks up.

“Tohru!?” he excitedly chirps. “It’s really you over there?!?! It’s Kanji over here!!”

“Of course you already know,” I moan. “Listen, I’m gonna have Ryota explain what you need to do to Kanji.”

“Okay!!”

I pass the man the phone and he says some stuff I don’t quite understand. _Almost like it’s a different language._

Ryota says goodbye and passes me the phone. Teddie is still hyperly yelling things at me, but I just shut the call. _I don’t have time for this! I’ve already missed a whole damn day!!_

“Let’s go back,” I tell him, pocketing the cell. Ryota nods and follows me back down the hallway.

 _It’s fucking cold now. I wonder why._ I look down at my bare feet and realize that I haven’t felt the cold like this in a while.

“Stand still,” I order as I wheel on Ryota. I try to pick him up and I _can_ , but it’s a little harder than it should be. “Huh.”

“What?” he questions once I put him back down. “Do you want a hu—”

“No, dumbass!” I hiss. “It shouldn’t be that hard to pick you up. Punch me.”

“I couldn’t do that, Tohru!” he replies in shock.

I sigh. “Do it!” I command. “If I get hurt you can just heal me af—” The words aren’t fully out of my mouth when his gigantic fucking fist connects with the middle of my face.

I fly down the hall, flopping and skidding into a heap. “Owf,” I garble. “Bwood...” I feel my eyes opening super wide—

“ _BWOOD!!! ISH WED!!! NOT BWACK!!! WYOTAAA!!_ ”

He heals me and I cough a few times, spitting clots on the ground. I don’t bother to wipe them, simply begin to pace around. He takes a handful of tissues out of his pocket and tries to mop up the mess.

“Some cleaning crew will get it,” I assure him. “Probably keep it for samples...”

_Dammit. What happened?_

“You can’t leave a mess around, Tohru,” Ryota chides.

“They should be thanking me for providing the blood,” I return, hacking up something else that’s too red. “ _Shit!!_ ”

“This is good!” Ryota tells me. “You should be getting back to normal.” He smiles encouragingly and I just wanna wallop him.

“ _No_ , it’s _not,_ ” I reiterate. “It’s _very bad_ for me! I’m counting on being at full strength for my job here, you idiot!” I slap a hand to my face, growing more and more annoyed.

“C’mere,” Ryota motions. He puts his hand on top of my head and does that scanning-thing again. “Maybe you gave some of your power to Kanji. Call Teddie again.”

“Ugh we just got him off the line!” I groan, taking my cell back out.

He’s yipping and yapping immediately when it connects: “Ooh I lost you for a few minutes, Tohru! I had more to say! Since you left—”

“ _No_ ,” I cut him off, passing the phone to the tall man again.

“Hi,” Ryota shyly says to the boy. “I need you to check Kanji’s power level. Yup. Check how much mana he has, how strong he is, you know the drill.” He’s quiet for a minute, until Teddie’s bright voice bubbles up through the line, screeching about _something_. “Uh-huh. Uh-huh, uuuh-huuuh,” Ryota nods.

When he hangs up he’s grinning like crazy. “You,” he shakes his head. “You really gave Kanji some of your power!!” he cries. “I didn’t know that was _possible_!”

“Pipe down!” I censure him, yanking on his ear. “Don’t let anybody hear you, stupid!” I growl into his ear. “You gotta help me get it back, or work myself back up or _something_! I can’t—”

I groan, falling to my knees and burying my face in my hands. “Shit I _need_ that power! I’ve been conserving it for so long, you have no idea—” I whine.

“Since you were in prison,” Ryota concurs. He touches my shoulder and tries to get me to stand. “Yeah I get it, it’s taken a long time.”

“What do I do?” I as him, honestly unsure.

Ryota’s face is very conflicted as he thinks about what advice to mete out. “You should,” he hesitates, exhaling loudly. “You should start acting inhuman again, I suppose...”

“How long will it take?”

He rubs the back of his neck nervously. “Less time than before, honestly. You’re already in the routine. A few months, maybe?”

“How much did I lose?” I beg. “I need to know!!”

Ryota cracks his knuckles and looks away awkwardly, seeming upset to have to be the bearer of bad news. “Maybe a fifth? A quarter at most?”

“ _That’s_...” I stand up again, but I can really, physically feel the loss. “That’s not as bad as it could be,” I decide.

“Good attitude!” Ryota slaps my back. I glare at him as I pitch forward a little.

“ _Gentle_ , Lenny,” I smartly remark. Ryota looks at me like I’m the only one who’s read American novels.

“Like the little Miku boy?” he asks.

“Sure,” I reply. _Not even close, Gigantor._ I smile to myself as we walk back to the room.

Ryoutarou looks like he’s already asleep, and Mitsuo is curled up on the other bed with a stack of manga. “Thanks,” I grudgingly tell Ryota, and then let him be.

He immediately hugs his average-sized fake boyfriend and I get another mental picture of him as Lenny. Mitsuo looks suitably uncomfortable. _Does that make Mitsuo the puppy?_

_Do I think Mitsuo’s as cute as a puppy?! Eww._

_There is something about the look on Mitsuo’s face... It’s kinda unsure and resigned at the same time._ _Like he maybe wants the human contact but is afraid to say so._

“Aww,” I jeer. Ryota lets go of Mitsuo and turns to me confused. “So _cute_ ~” I taunt, having already had it with their antics.

“What?” Mitsuo returns. “ _Jelly?_ ”

“No!” I reply louder than I mean to. “Ryoutarou’s sleeping, not dead.” I poke his side and he turns over, grunting and swatting at my hand. “See? I’m cool over here.”

They sit with their legs all tangled up doing something on a tablet. _Who knows? Maybe a game or something._

“I’m going to sleep,” I decide aloud. I pull the cord on the lamp next to my bed and the only light comes from the screen across the room.


	27. Physical Differences (Ryota)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What’s so different about Ryota? A lot, I guess. And what’s this about a real relationship? :>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been posting less often, so have a long chapter :D
> 
> So we’re going HAM on one of my fave headcanons today. I have a lot of fave headcanons, okay?? Please bear with me... But if you’ve come this far, I think you’re up for just about anything!

 

Chapter Twenty-Four: Physical Differences

(Ryota)

“Ryota, wake up!” I keep hearing. _Someone’s grabbing at me._

I finally open my eyes and it’s a real struggle. I see nothing. I shake my head and it’s nice and warm and it’s then that I realize I’m leaning against Mitsuo.

I push away and can see that he looks concerned. Mitsuo’s frowning at me and looking edgy.

_I had a dream. I can’t remember it all._

_I was..._

_Me._

_I was just me. I had all these different limbs and appendages and eyes—There were so many eyes. They covered all of me._

_Like when I’m fighting_. _But I wasn’t fighting_. _I was in somewhere peaceful. By myself._

“Ryota,” Mitsuo says and I instinctively wince. “You were...”

“I was what?” I ask, worried he saw me in a different form than usual.

“ _Eyes_ ,” Mitsuo quietly tells me. “There were eyes... Little tiny eyes on your neck and arm. I was worried the others would see—Is that normal?”

I glance away. “Well,” I clear my throat. “It’s not _ab_ normal for me. It’s how I look.”

“Really?” _He sounds fascinated, more than scared._

“Does it bother you?” I automatically reply. “I can’t control it if I ‘sleep’.”

Mitsuo shakes his head. “You mean you can do that anytime?”

I guardedly nod and move closer again, now that I know it didn’t upset him. That I didn’t gross him out. “Remember? In the car—Tohru was asking about the eyes.”

Mitsuo takes my hand and turns it over. “There were eyes here, and here, and here.” He points as he explains. “Then there were smaller dots that could’ve been more of them, but I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t remember if the others knew about this, so I just hid your arms and neck.”

_Ah. That’s why he was holding me like that._

He shrugs, as if this is completely natural—Hiding your fake boyfriend’s physical anomaly. “You did that for me?” I question.

“You sound surprised,” he replies, hurt. “Of course I’d help you— _You_ —You help _me_!”

“Do you want to see them again?” I swallow, getting nervous. _I assumed my body would freak him out._

Mitsuo shrugs. So I slowly bring the eyes to the surface of my hand.

“Woah!” he gasps, reaching out to poke one before stopping short.

“They have protective coverings. It’s okay,” I assure Mitsuo. “I have triple eyelids.”

This time he gently runs his finger over the biggest eye in the center of my palm. When he’s sure that he’s not hurting me, Mitsuo pokes it and eye automatically blinks a few times.

“How do they all fit?” he breathes, wholly enthralled.

“I’m not—” I sigh, embarrassed. “I’m not made up of the same stuff as you. I don’t have ‘insides’ they way all of you do. Inside my body is... _Well_... The universe?”

Mitsuo keeps prodding at different eyes as they bloom throughout my hand and up my arm. He’s truly enraptured by something I thought the humans would find absolutely revolting.

“Is any of you just skin?” he asks, yanking up my shirtsleeve to see more of the eyes.

I laugh. “ _None_ of me is skin—At all.” I almost phase to shadow, but think better of it at the last minute. “But why don’t we save that for another time?”

I start to shift back to my human form, and the eyes disappear. Mitsuo looks disappointed as he traces their departure with his own eyes.

“Are they always there?” he questions.

“They will _always_ be there,” I answer. “ _That’s how I am._ ”

Mitsuo glares. “Don’t say it like you’re trying to push me away. We’re friends, right?”

“Yes,” I cautiously admit. _That’s what I want, at least._ I hug him again, happy.

“What time is it even?” Mitsuo groans, changing the subject.

_Not quite when we have to wake up. It’s..._

“Almost five. Do you want to go back to sleep? I’ll stay up,” I volunteer.

Mitsuo clicks his tongue. “You can sleep. I just didn’t know—I didn’t want things to be awkward for you.”

I know I’m smiling as he rolls his eyes. “Go on,” I tell him. ‘I don’t need to sleep. I’m not human.”

“Right,” the man yawns, snuggling into me.

Now I’m _really_ smiling. I stay right there and don’t move an inch until I see Ryou getting up some time later.

“Hi,” I whisper across the room.

“Hey,” he squints in the darkness. “I’m gonna shower. Tohru’s still asleep. Him?”

I nod. “Out.”

“Let’s get breakfast together, just us guys,” Ryou offers. “As long as they’re still sleeping. I’m going to need a coffee.”

“Okay!” I readily agree, maybe too loud.

The second the bathroom door closes, however, Tohru bounces upright, completely alert. “Where’s Ryou?” he demands, scanning the small room.

“Shower,” I rely.

“Oh,” Tohru yawns. He takes out his own clothes and changes, then sits back on the edge of the bed. “We need to go over some rules for today,” he tells me.

“What rules?” I question. _Rules for what?_

“For your physical,” Tohru huffs. “You need to keep human— _Completely._ ”

“Okay!” I agree.

Tohru gives me a weird look. “No arms. No eyes. Don’t change your density. Keep your dick on. Stay three-dimensional.” He smirks in a not-nice way. “Teddie’s filled me in on some of your more eccentric abilities.”

I flinch at the way he says it. _‘Eccentric...’_

“Don’t—” I start, feeling conflicted. And confused at being conflicted.

“What?” Tohru haughtily replies.

I swallow, collecting myself. “Don’t spread anything around, please.”

“Why not?” he asks in a louder voice, clearly happy to have new things to lord over me.

Mitsuo stirs, starting to wake up. I glance down at him, feeling jittery. _He knows about the eyes now, but—I just don’t like the idea of him knowing everything._

_Not..._

“Not yet,” I tell Tohru.

“‘Not yet’ what?” Mitsuo yawns. “What’s up?” He squirms away from me, trying to sit up.

Tohru grins. “We should compare notes on Ryota sometime~” he eagerly divulges that he has information.

I feel my features pulling tight as Ryou walks back out of the bathroom. He immediately reads the tension and glances between us all.

“Hnn?” he hums, directing the inquiry at Tohru. “What _now_?”

“I just have some interesting information~” Tohru quips.

“What is it?” Mitsuo asks, definitely curious.

I plead with my eyes, but Tohru isn’t having it. He opens his mouth to speak, but is cut off by Ryou.

“What about?” his husband charily questions. “Tohru—If your next sentence doesn’t start with the words ‘this happened to me’, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Aww, that’s no fun—” he grimaces, standing up and dramatically putting his hands on his hips.

“Tohru don’t be an asshole,” Ryou grumbles, poking him in the side. Tohru hisses and twists away. “It’s too early for this. Let’s get food on our own—Give you some time to cool off.” He grabs Tohru in a headlock and starts for the door.

“Lemme get my shoes!” Tohru whines, stumbling over his own feet.

I laugh and he glares at me. But then they’re gone and I can relax.

Mitsuo giggles like a kid with that high-pitched laugh that's in such juxtaposition to his normally low voice. "What the hell happened?"

“Tohru found out some new information from Teddie—About my body,” I admit. _If I don’t just tell you, Tohru undoubtedly will._

Mitsuo shakes his head and stares over at me. "What is it?"

I run a hand through my hair, trying to think quickly. "Why don't you take a shower and give me a few minutes to figure out how to explain this, alright?"

He shrugs and takes his clothes into the bathroom. When the door closes, I sit down on the bottom bunk and put my head in my hands.

_How DO I explain this?_

_The density is easy—A softball, as they say. I can make myself however heavy or light I want. And he already knows I can change parts of me._

_But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m different. That everything about me is different. My body wasn’t made to work the way the humans’ do._

_I’m going to have to tell him about the other thing._ I sigh aloud, nervous. _Tohru’s going to have too much fun picking on me if I don’t._

Earlier this week I was laughing at the prospect of trying to blend in; I scoffed at ever wishing I were human. _But that would make everything easier..._

_Maybe I understand Teddie’s position a little better now._

I don't think Mitsuo would actually like me— _cannot conceive of him thinking about what’s going on down there so why should it matter_ —but I still wouldn't like to explain it. _I shouldn't have to explain myself, should I?_

"I mean what do I say?" I muse aloud. "Hey man, guess what? I lied about my genitals! I actually have _both_! Or none—Your pick! Yeah, that's normal..."

"... _What?_ " I hear, only now realizing that the shower is off.

_Damn it!!_

"How—ah—much of that did you hear?" I question, nudging the door open with my foot.

"All of it," Mitsuo replies. He walks out, still drying his hair. "I don't care about— _Wait_.” He pulls up short when he sees me. “Are you actually embarrassed?" He appraises me with his all-black eyes. "About— _Well_ —”

I glance at the floor, definitely mortified. _This isn’t even going as poorly as I’d hoped. This feels almost worse._

Mitsuo nudges my foot with his. “Run that by me again. I didn’t really understand it,” he laughs nervously.

He meets my eyes and tells me how he feels: "You're not human, and your personality's all over the place. I won't expect anything—Is that better?"

I smack my forehead, then slowly remove my hand. _Not really._

"You could at least expect me to be nice," I reproach. "I'm a nice guy, aren't I?" _Now I feel really self-conscious. Had to let that slip out._

He snickers. "You _are_ nice. I'll expect that, okay?" Mitsuo abandons the small towel, throwing it past the bathroom door. "But then you'll have to _always_ be nice."

"I can do that," I tell him, bobbing my head a few times. "What can I expect from you?"

_I feel as though I want something in return. Something to bind our relationship._

Mitsuo considers my request while he roots through his things to find a charger. "You can expect me not to care bout frigging stupid non-human shit, like not sleeping or not having junk. I promise I won't judge you for it, even when our fake relationship is over."

"Thank you," I smile, walking over to him, starting to automatically lean down as if I'm going to—"But does it _have_ to be fake?"

Mitsuo's eyes widen and he appears suddenly nervous. I'm undeterred, _really_ want to kiss him, but then I feel something smack me in the chest and look down to see he's shoved that game between us, a terrified glaze hanging over his eyes.

We stand like that for a long time in silence. "Sorry," Mitsuo mumbles, starting to back away from me. I grab his arm and see something flare through his expression.

"Are you okay?" I ask once he goes back to normal. I don't let go of his arm and he doesn't try to move away again.

"Yeah," he nods, staring at where we're touching. "I—” he stammers. " _People_ —” he tries again.

I feel my grip soften and I let him go with a sigh. "Did people treat you bad, too?" I question and I see him glare— _For a split second he reminds me exactly of Tohru and I don't even need an answer._

_I realize it has to be true._

I change my question. "You're not really that homophobic, are you?" _It's a defense mechanism._

Mitsuo doesn't back down. Instead, he looks me over, clearly sizing up our differences in size and strength. "Don't ever make me feel cornered," he avows. "And maybe I'll give you a real shot."

I start to smile and Mitsuo pushes me backwards, flicking the toes of his shoe behind my foot. I slip and land on my back on the bed. "I'm smarter than you," he asserts. "You may be stronger, but I'm _certain_ I'm smarter than you or anyone gives me credit for. Remember that."

When he leans over me, trying to appear threatening, I can't help myself. I lean up and knock my head into his.

Mitsuo yips like I expect and I pull him down with me, laughing. "Wow, what's your problem?" he complains. "Let me be cool for five minutes..."

I softly rub his back with one hand, leaving the other laying on the bed. "I promise I won't hurt you."

"You're like—” he huffs. "Man you're like this excited little dog or something! You're so eager to please everyone." He doesn't move away from my touch, so I decide it's alright to wrap my other arm around Mitsuo, just hugging him.

"But now you're the most _important_ ," I assure him and can see his face go red. I laugh a little and Mitsuo shakes his head.

He seems to relax while I gently hold him to me, taking care not to be forceful or touch him anywhere that would bother him. _I really do—_

"I really do like you," I feel the words simply pop out of my mouth.

Mitsuo grunts. " _Kinda figured,_ " he says in a strained voice. "You didn't seem to get the memo on the 'fake' part." He pushes himself up to look me in the eye. "Lemme go."

I remove one hand but have trouble taking back the other one. I watch him roll his eyes at me.

"You're really touchy," Mitsuo observes.

"I haven't had anyone before." I sit up, and stare back, shifting Mitsuo so that he's sitting on me. He doesn't seem to like that and tries to stand. I let him, remembering to keep my promise. _I'm so tall that his head is still only a little higher than my own like this._

"Neither have I," Mitsuo admits.

I lean up to try kissing him again and he lets me, even bowing down to meet me halfway. Mitsuo's expression is conflicted, even as he ends up reaching to rest his hand on the back of my head. Following his lead, I also wrap my arms around him.

"Alright," Mitsuo says after a minute, backing away. "That's enough."

"We should get going," I agree. I stand and hold out my hand to him. Mitsuo takes it and we begin walking to the elevator. "I have my exam today," I divulge. "Would you..." I trail off, feeling a little embarrassed "You know they want to see what makes me not human."

He glances over at me. "Are you nervous?"

The elevator dings open and we step inside. I shift my weight around, _definitely_ nervous. "Would you come with me? They let Ryou go with Tohru to calm him down. I don’t need to be calmed down, but...”

“But you’re nervous, right?” Mitsuo asks, studying me.

 _I think he can tell I’m scared. I’m scared that they’ll make me go back to the TV World. Or try to keep me for experimentation._ I nod.

“I’ll come,” he easily replies. “Why not?”

“Thanks!” I smile and give his hand a small squeeze.

I sit with Mitsuo while he eats and then we head for the floor with the clinic. _I don’t want to do this..._

“So Tohru wants me to keep a mental link open so I can confer with him. I’ll be okay,” I assure Mitsuo.

“Right,” he replies, not sounding sure at all.

We walk to the section of the building on the program and at least it _looks_ like a regular doctors’ office. I check in at the desk and the two of us take a seat.

I haven’t let go of Mitsuo’s hand, and he hasn’t complained even though mine is very clammy. Mitsuo kills time looking at his cell phone. I lean over to see what he’s doing and he’s playing Tetris with his free hand. _I like watching him. Watching anyone who looks calm makes me feel better._

“Dojima Ryota?” we hear and I snap to attention. I stand, and end up yanking Mitsuo off his chair, too. “This way, please.”

We are lead to a sizable exam room. Mitsuo sits in one of the two regular chairs available and I take a seat on the edge of the examination chair.

“Put this on,” I’m handed a hospital gown and I think I’m frowning at it.

“Will it fit me?” I have to ask.

The person gives me a once over and sighs. “Hang on.” They leave and return with one of a different color. I trust this one and take it from their hand.

When they leave I start changing. Mitsuo looks away out of politeness.

“It’s okay,” I tell him. “We even took a bath together.”

“It’s not like I was—” he starts to protest.

“But you said you like me,” I cut him off. I fold my shirt neatly on the extra chair.

Mitsuo sighs and looks at just my face. “You _want_ me to look?”

I tentatively shake my head. “I’m concerned that you _don’t_ wanna look,” I admit, folding my pants next.

He makes an annoyed noise and stares me down. I take off my underwear and put them with the rest of the clothes. “This is how I actually look; how I ‘came assembled’.”

“I can change a few things, but I like the way I came,” I admit, pulling the sleeves of the thin garment over my arms. “Tie it for me?”

Mitsuo gets behind me and I turn to look at him. Maybe I turn my head a little too far because—

 _‘That’s enough of that!’_ I hear in my head. _‘Don’t give anything away you big dumbass!’_

 _‘Sorry.’_ I feel myself jump automatically at Tohru’s words.

_‘You don’t want them knowing even a tiny bit of all that. If they catch a whiff of everything you can do, we’ll never get you out of here.’_

I take a seat on the exam chair again and talk to Mitsuo. _‘He said I’m doing too much. Sorry I’ll explain more later!’_

“Don’t worry so much,” he tells me aloud. “I’ll stay here, right?”

I nod and we wait.

There’s finally a knock at the door. I tell them to come in. It’s Ito and a woman I’m assuming is the doctor.

“Hello,” she holds out her hand. “I’m Yokozawa. I’m required to inform you that I am a licensed physician, as well as a non-human researcher. The rest of my team is behind that mirror.” She points to a large mirror that I had already assumed was fake.

She passes me a clipboard with consent forms. I start to fill them out, introducing myself and Mitsuo. “Dojima,” I reply. “And this is Kubo.”

“Mm-hmm,” the woman makes a note on her clipboard and turns to Mitsuo. “I will have to ask that you allow him to answer all of his own questions. We’ve had other... _Uncooperative_ partners.”

_She must mean Ryou. Or more probably Tohru—I think Ryou wanted a real exam, too._

Mitsuo nods. “I’m just here for support.”

“That’s what Dojima Tohru-san told me, as well. So you’ll excuse my skepticism.”

I laugh and Ito rolls his eyes. “I don’t think he’ll be any trouble,” the man vouches.

“Let’s start with blood pressure,” the doctor tells me and hooks up a cuff to the wall. I hold out my arm and she straps the device to me. She’s glancing nervously at Mitsuo like he’s going to jump up and freak out.

“Normal,” she announces and Ito writes it down. “One twenty-three over seventy-nine.”

“Oh good!” I smile, trying to put everyone at ease.

Ito hands the doctor a stethoscope while she takes my pulse. “Do doctors normally do this part?” I question.

The lady gives me a look. “No, but this is important. We’re grateful that you consented to this.”

I nod happily until I’m told to stay still. When the doctor moved the stethoscope to my back I almost turn my head too far until Mitsuo clears his throat.

“Normal.”

Next she shines a light in my eyes. “Keep them open.” I am so close to blinking the inner lid when she’s finally done! _Tohru said not to..._

Then she sticks the same otoscope—but with a longer tube—into my ears. I don’t like the way it feels and I’m worried I will knock it away. After that, it’s my throat, mouth, and teeth.

“Are you a denstist, too?” I ask.

“No,” she responds. “But I know enough. I’m checking to see if you have the same fillings as the other Dojima... You appear to.”

“Ofh horse!” I tell her, trying to keep my mouth open.

The doctor shares a glance with Ito. “Can we take a sample?” Ito questions.

I am about to tell them that I don’t mind if they take out one of my fillings, but Mitsuo answers for me, sounding firm. “No,” he says to me. “You can tell them ‘no’.”

The people all stare at me and I close my mouth. _‘He’s right. Tell them ‘no’, idiot!’_ Tohru says in my head.

I shake my head and they get the message.

The doctor runs through many other quick exams including reflexes, checking my feet, genitals, and looking at spots and marks on my skin. Then we’re shuttled to a different room so that I can get an eye test, and lastly they want some of my blood.

Mitsuo stays with me the whole time, and he’s silent except when they ask for more voluntary samples. The only time he and Tohru tell me to comply is when they want to draw blood.

It makes me nervous when the needle gets close to my skin and I have to look away. “Does it hurt?” a technician asks me.

I nod my head, wondering if that’s the right answer. _It’s supposed to hurt, right?_

I feel a supportive hand on my shoulder and it’s Mitsuo. I smile at him and he smiles thinly back.

I have to provide several different excremental samples. Tohru tells me to give those, too.

“Last up are x-rays and an MRI,” Ito tells us, holding out more consent forms.

 _‘That’s fine,’_ Tohru tells me. _‘I had one, too. Ryoutarou was upset that portions of my brain didn’t show up. Yours probably won’t show up at all. It’s fine.’_

I sign the papers and hand them back. “You’ll have to go in the machine alone, alright?” Ito asks me.

“Did Tohru go in by himself?” Mitsuo quizzes, folding his arms and scowling.

“You can watch through the window,” Ito informs us. “And talk to him with the headset. Is that satisfactory?”

Mitsuo looks at me and I nod. “Sounds okay to me.”

He claps me on the back as Ito leads us to the x-ray room. I have to take off the paper outfit, but Ito brings my clothes for me to change afterwards. _At least I get to do the MRI dressed._

The machine is very disorienting and I don’t like it. _It’s very isolating._

“Mitsuo?” I tentatively ask through the microphone. “Are you there?”

“Yeah,” he tells me. “What is it?”

“I don’t like this machine.”

“It’s only for fifteen minutes,” a new doctor interrupts.

_I still don’t like it._

_‘Are you okay?’_ Tohru asks me.

 _‘I think so,’_ I tell him. _‘Mitsuo is talking to me through the headset. Did Ryou talk to you?’_

_‘I told them he had to hold my foot so I know he’s still there.’_

I laugh aloud and Mitsuo makes up a joke to play it off. _‘You’re very paranoid.’_

_‘So? You should be MORE paranoid. All these people want to study us. Don’t let them get anything useful. I don’t care if you make a brain appear. I couldn’t figure it out, but I bet you can.’_

Unfortunately I don’t think I can, and now I’m beginning to worry.

“Mitsuo?” I ask aloud. “Did they find my brain?”

 _‘They didn’t, did they?’_ Tohru grimly questions.

“Mitsuo?” I repeat when he doesn’t reply.

“...I’m sorry, Ryota. They’re still looking,” he reports. “They can’t see anything yet.”

 _‘You’ll take me home, right?’_ I beg Tohru.

“We’re not leaving without you,” I hear Mitsuo quietly tell me, even though I didn’t ask him. “Don’t worry.”

_‘Of course we will! Stop it—The test is almost over, right?’_

I reach up for my face, forgetting I can’t, and I can feel tears dripping. _I can’t reply to any of them because I’m crying... I can’t get words out._

_I want to go home._

“Hey— _They got something!_ ” Mitsuo whoops. “They found something, Ryota!”

“Y-yeah?” I reply.

“Yeah,” he tells me. “They need a few extra minutes, but we can count it down together, okay?”

“Okay,” I agree, and Mitsuo starts saying the numbers aloud.


	28. The Hub (Mitsuo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mitsuo comforts Ryota after the MRI and offers to make good on his deal to go to an arcade. Then they get sucked into Nanako’s problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeahhh I’ve been having personal problems involving my husband’s health and I’ve been a little behind on my stories... Gomen’ne!

Chapter Twenty-Five: The Hub

(Mitsuo)

I feel really shitty while I count down the last few minutes of Ryota’s MRI. _He sounds really scared, like he thinks we’re going to let them keep him here._

_Of course we wouldn’t._

_I—I like him._

_I’m finding that I really enjoy being around Ryota, and I wouldn’t let them keep him if I could stop it. I don’t really want to admit that: to let him know how much I’m starting to care. It’s just been an intense few days that we’ve been here._

_It’s definitely brought us closer than a few days back in the countryside would have. I can’t deny that._

_I’ve felt the need to lean on him, too. He knows it—I don’t think he’s necessarily taking advantage of me, but he’s completely loving the opportunity to take care of me._

_I don’t like that. He doesn’t need to watch over me. I’ve been on my own for a long time now. I don’t need someone who acts like it’s his job to keep me ‘safe’._

“We’re almost done?” I hear Ryota ask me.

“Yes,” I reply. “This is the last minute, so hang in there, okay?”

“Thank you,” he says, and Ryota sounds all choked up again. “Will you come get me out of this thing?”

“Yeah, hang on. They’re just finishing up, okay?”

“Hnnnn,” Ryota vocalizes, and it sounds more like whine.

When the tech tells me it’s alright, I take off the headset and walk into the room with the MRI machine. Two techs are wheeling Ryota’s stretcher out from inside the hub and he looks as if he’s about to hyperventilate—His chest is rising and falling really fast.

“Hey,” I grab his hand. The y’re telling Ryota not to stand yet because he’ll be too dizzy. “It’s cool. I’m right here.”

Ryota closes his fingers all the way around my hand and really squeezes. “Can we go home?” he innocently asks me.

“We have another day and a half,” I reply. “But we can go back to the room.”

“Do you want to try standing, Dojima-san?” someone prompts.

Ryota bolts upright on the table and yanks me closer so he can hug me. His heart is _absolutely_ hammering against me and he’s mumbling something into my shoulder.

“You’re okay,” I try to soothe. _I’ve never had to do something like this before. Never had anyone to do it for me, either._

“I didn’t think they were gonna let me out of the machine,” he tells me.

I chuckle. “They had to at least let you out of the machine. You can’t _live_ in there!”

I feel a small laugh rumble through him as Ryota finally catches his breath. He’s still gripping my tee-shirt with a shaking fist, but I think he’s calming down a little.

“You’re free to go,” one of the techs announces over the speaker. “We’ll have a doctor explain the findings after they’ve had a chance to review the scan.”

“Thank you,” Ryota calls back in a stronger voice. He starts to stand and grabs my hand again, threading his fingers through mine. “Let’s go.”

I nod and follow him out of the room and through the facility, back to our bank of elevators. He’s silent, but he keeps rubbing my hand with his thumb.

“Do you want to eat?” Ryota asks me before pressing a button.

“You’re going to make me fat,” I scoff, laughing. “I don’t need to eat until dinner.”

“What about lunch?” Ryota quizzes.

I sigh. “I _can_ eat, but I don’t need to.”

Ryota nods and decides we’ll go down. I don’t really care either way. _I’d rather play a game or watch some TV if we have free time. I don’t get a lot of vacation._

In our room, Ryota of course pulls me with him to sit on the bed. He still seems shaken.

“Wanna play a game with me?” I ask, unsure what will make him feel better. “If you want, I can call Ryou. Tohru’s busy, but he’s probably free. I can call that Ito guy, even.”

I take a peek at Ryota’s face. It’s a little blank and I don’t like that. _It’s similar to how Tohru gets._

“Ryota,” I call his name and the man focuses his eyes on me. At a loss, I push him to lean back and lean on top of him. “Relax a little. Please.”

He reaches up to rub my head and I let him, not really caring how needy he is right now. Ryota wraps his other arm around my back.

And then his other arm around me wais—

“That’s too many arms,” I chastise.

“Just for now,” Ryota replies, sounding super needy. “I won’t make any more...”

“Fine.”

We lay like that until I hear the card reader allow someone else into the room. I can’t get up to see who because Ryota hasn’t let go of me. He’s hyper alert, like something is trying to kill us.

“Hi, Ryou,” Ryota calls out, probably more for my benefit.

“What’re you _doing_ to him?” the other man questions, sounding skeptical.

“I’m trapped,” I announce. “I think it’s time you let me up.” I smack Ryota’s side.

“Not yet,” he pleads.

Ryou scoffs. “And you’ve called _us_ gross.”

I poke Ryota until he lets go and we sit up, facing Ryou. He’s lit a cigarette and is sitting on the edge of his own bed.

“Tohru’s planning something,” Ryou tells us. “I’m basically useless around here.” He puffs smoke all over, his expression sour.

“You don’t like that, huh?” Ryota says.

Ryou snorts out more smoke. “What tipped you off, Ranpo?”

“The smoking!” Ryota obviously concludes. “Which belongs in the hallway.”

Ryou laughs, ignoring that last part completely. “Yeah. He even gave me his lighter. He’s very busy... I tried to help, but I think I’m just screwing things up.” Ryou gives Ryota a hard look. “I’m out of my depth. I _don’t_ —”

The man sighs. “I don’t know how to support Tohru in this. You know, from the sidelines. It’s new to me.”

“You were always the center of attention before,” Ryota observes. “With Tohru _and_ Chisato. They always supported you instead. So it’s new. But that’s okay—Just let him know he’s doing a good job. Do things they would’ve done for _you_.”

The other man squints, confused. He exhales another cloud and I’m wishing we had a fan in here. “So I should _bring him a coffee_?”

“It’s something,” Ryota shrugs. “You can also offer to proofread, take notes, get his lunch for him...”

Ryou sighs, still downcast. “That all sounds like busywork shit,” he mutters, stubbing out his cigarette.

“ _Oi!_ ” Ryota sharply admonishes. “It’s what they did for you. You can do it for Tohru. It’s time to give back.” He glances at me. “If I have time, _I’ll_ do it for Mitsuo.”

I try to hold in a laugh at the thought of the big guy bringing me a bento at the video game store. _He’d look ridiculous carrying in a boxed lunch for his tiny boyfriend._

But that’s not it—The real problem is that _I_ look ridiculous as his boyfriend.

I tune out the rest of their conversation. It’s mostly Ryota lecturing Ryou.

When Ryou leaves, Ryota says he wants to take a shower. “I didn’t like their hands all over me; the way they were looking at me,” he quietly admits. “It didn’t feel good.”

“Are you all right?” I ask again, worried that maybe he’s been more shaken by this than he knows how to voice.

Ryota nods and starts taking off his clothes. “I want to get rid of these,” he says, sounding very childish.

I have to laugh a little. “Just wash them,” I tell him. “Then they’ll be fine.”

He turns to me and he looks really sad. “I don’t like it here.”

“I know,” I reply, trying to be patient. _He’s finally comfortable enough doing things like morphing in front of us, and then he’s told he can’t. Then these people act like he’s the hottest commodity._

Ryota sits on the edge of the bed and sighs. _He doesn’t look so great._

“It’s only another day,” I remind him. I reach out and place my hand on his bare shoulder and Ryota covers it with his.

He moves my hand around and I snicker. I shake him off and do it myself. I trace his shoulder and collarbone and I can see the man visibly relax. His breathing evens out and he looks calmer—He’s still got this trapped look in his eyes, but it doesn’t seem as bad.

“Nnn,” Ryota lets out a loud vocalization and I draw back. _Surprised me._ “No,” he complains. “Don’t stop!”

“Then don’t make weird noises,” I tell him. “That sounded...” I trail off.

“What?” he asks. “It felt good.”

I roll my eyes. _Sounded too good._

“Go take your shower and we’ll break out for the night, like you wanted. We’ll get the other guys onboard, too. I’ll text them now.”

“Really?” he questions, immediately forgetting the he wanted me to keep touching him.

“Yeah,” I laugh. “So hurry up!”

I send messages to Tohru and Ryou. They say to meet them in the lounge when were ready to discuss the evening and tomorrow.

I’m playing a game when Ryota comes out of the bathroom all clean and looking for clothes. “Which one is that?” he questions, leaning over me.

“Pokémon again,” I reply. “I’m trying to beat Tohru.”

“Right.”

He starts to lay down and I push him away. “ _Change_ ,” I command. “We’re meeting the others in the lounge.

“Oh,” Ryota’s voice falls.

I shake my head. “We’re discussing tonight and tomorrow. We can go out after Tohru’s ‘bonding exercise’.” I turn around and he’s reorganizing his bag, extra arms folding clothes.

Trying not to roll my eyes, I scold him to hurry it up. “Let’s go, Ryota! I told you that we’re gonna do something special, so hurry.”

“Alright,” he quietly replies, rushing to put his things away. “Do you think Kanji could make me a shirt with more armholes?”

“I...” _I have no idea how he would even ask that._

“He would, right?” Ryota frets. “He seems very nice.”

“I bet he would,” I agree. _He really cares about his friends. I doubt I fit into that equation, but Ryota certainly does._

Ryota grins. “I’d like that. It’d be convenient.”

I smile wryly. “More convenient than just pulling your shirt up?”

“It’s constricting,” he replies matter-of-factly. “I really am burning these,” Ryota decides, holding up the clothes he wore today.

 _What a waste,_ is all I can think. He grabs my hand and keeps me close as we leave our room. Down the hallway there’s a trash shoot. He dumps everything in there, and then it’s off to the lounge.

“It’s too bad,” I casually remark. I let the words slip out before I can stop myself. “Blue looked nice on you.”

“R-really?” Ryota gasps.

I nod, glancing at our hands. “Yeah.”

In the lounge, Ryota starts acting off again. “That door...” he trails off.

The others keep talking over him. So Ryota repeats: “You guys, that door is...”

Tohru is still busy telling Ryou about something that sound important, so he doesn’t answer. Ryota frowns and looks angry he’s being ignored.

“Hey Tohru!” Ryota loudly calls. “ _What about that blue door?_ ” Ryota asks. He points at a blank space on the wall.

“What’re you _talking_ about?” Tohru scoffs. “There’s no—”

But Ryota is dragging me towards the wall. I shriek when he starts to move _through_ the wall.

And then we’re inside some other place. There are lots of books and machines. We’re surrounded by a quiet that can permeate your bones. Our footsteps are even muffled in a plush carpet.

Ryota purposefully leads us through a maze of bookshelves— _Is this a library?_

We finally come to a sitting area and there is a large table. I get the feeling it’s the reference desk, but it’s only a fancy table. Not really a ‘desk’. And there’s no computer or anything to look stuff up.

There’s just a creepy man who says, “Welcome to the Velvet Room.”

“Ah,” Ryota replies, as if remembering something.

He drops my hand and walks right up to the table. He starts asking the man questions like they’re best friends. I can’t understand half the words.

Then Ryota concentrates and holds his hands on either side of his head. Large, glowing ears appear to encase his own. I take a step forwards; I haven’t seen this before.

I come up behind Ryota and try to touch the ears. They look as if they’re only half-there, but they feel solid to me. They have an almost plasticized covering.

“Your ears are _from_ Philemon, yes?” the man questions. He grins eerily. “I’m Igor,” he says to me.

Ryota nods. “Yeah. He said that they’ll help me find things.”

“They themselves were lost for a time, did you know that?” Igor questions in return. “They are not his, but belong to the bard who played for Antoku.”

“...My persona?” I find myself replying.

“Indeed.” Igor places a card on the table— _It has the roman numerals for ‘thirteen’ and is decorated with a skull._

Then another card shoots out of his hand. _This one has the number ‘twenty’ and a... Bird-man-mage?_

“Your fates are bound together,” Igor goes on. “A small trial awaits. Open the door when you are ready.”

“But there like fifty doors in here!” I complain, slapping a hand on my thigh. “How are we supposed to know which is the right one?”

Ryota is glancing in another direction, though. He’s pointing; has zeroed in on one specific door. “It’s that one.”

“R-really?”

“I’m not here to help you, merely explain where you stand.” The man sits back and folds his hands. “Good luck.”

Ryota grabs my hand and pulls me to the door he’s convinced is correct. “It’s definitely this one,” he reiterates. Ryota opens the door and we walk through.

This time, we come out inside the Dojimas’ front hall. “Hello?” Ryota calls. “Sorry for the intrusion!!”

“Dad?” I can hear Nanako yelling back. “Why are you—” she stops short when she walks down the stairs and sees us.

Grinning, Ryota holds out his arms for a hug. Nanako giggles and hugs the big man. “We’re here to help!” he excitedly informs her.

“Help with...?” She cocks her head to the side.

“Who is it~?” I hear next, and it’s Teddie running to catch up with his girlfriend. “Hi!!” he shouts at us, even though we’re all in the same room.

Ryota gives him a hug too, and then he’s staring at me expectantly. “I’m not hugging you,” I tell the boy.

Teddie’s face falls and he hugs me anyways. I stand there, letting him get it over with. Ryota laughs and tries to pile on.

“No,” I tell them, pushing the two shadows away. “ _Fuck_ you guys are touchy!”

“I wonder if it’s a shadow thing?” Nanako questions.

Ryota shakes his head. “It’s what Ryou and Tohru are trying to suppress!” He folds his arms triumphantly. “So more for us!”

“This is...” I trial off and exhale loudly. Nanako laughs again.

“So how can we help?” Ryota eagerly demands.

“I don’t know,” Nanako replies, unsure. “We’re trying to find a way through the computer to my net friend’s, but it’s difficult. Teddie usually needs something to smell.”

“Do you know any of their addresses?” I break in. _This sounds like something I might know about._

Nanako nods. “I have at-low’s address in Tokyo.”

“No,” I shake my head. _At-low? Rings a bell._ “Do you have the _computer’s_ address?”

“What’s that?” Ryota asks me, looking very interested.

I groan. “You know all about the framework of the universe, but computers stump you?” I incredulously ask him.

“Well yes,” he replies. “I’m limited by my human aspects. Ryou certainly doesn’t know much about the internet!”

“Okay...” I whistle. “So every computer has an address. If I look his up, this at-low, then you can find him like that.”

“Then do it,” he prompts.

I give me a look like he’s extremely dense. “It’ll take me a minute. Can I use your laptop, Nanako?”

“Mm-hmm,” she vocalizes, handing the machine over. “I have a chat going with him too, see?”

“Yeah—” I reply. “This is...” I whistle long and low. “I know this site. I know at-low, too. Okay. Hang on.”

I type into the little box and introduce myself, telling the guy my handle. “Tohru has an account, too,” I report. “Does he know about this, Nanako?” _He is kind of her dad._

“No. It’s my own project. He has his,” she curtly replies.

I roll my eyes and tell at-low that I’m sending someone over. _Just need to find his IP._

Ryota watches as I tap away on the keyboard, stopping every few minutes to push away my hair when it gets in the way of my eyes. I can hear myself make annoyed noises every time I need to work to remember something.

“There,” I finally tell them. “Ryota—You can visualize this any way you’d like, right? It’s up to you?”

He nods.

“Pretend they’re like all these doors, and you need to open the right one.” I take a piece of paper off of Nanako’s desk to write down a long number, separated by dots. “Find this door and poke your head in. It should lead you to your guy.”

Ryota takes the paper from me and speaks in my head. _‘We can stay connected?’_

 _I swear_ — _IS Ryota the internet?!_

 _‘Yes,’_ I reply, nodding.

“I’m going in Tohru’s TV,” he says aloud. Ryota grabs my hand and drags me, with the others trailing behind, into Tohru’s room. He jumps into the air and it’s like he snaps into a different field of gravity, suddenly orienting himself parallel to the floor. “Bye.”

With that, he fucking makes a motion like he’s swimming into the television.

“Wooooah!” Teddie breathes, walking up to the TV and sticking his head inside. “Aww, he’s already to far away...”

 _‘Mitsuo?’_ comes tentatively into my head.

 _‘Yup_. _’_

He hesitates. _‘I see lots of doors...’_

 _‘Go to Tokyo. His neighborhood should be the only one with the first four digits. Do all the routers look like doors?’_ I question.

 _‘Yes. I’m getting close,’_ he lets me know.

_What is time to Ryota? How long does this actually take? Is it a concept I would be able to comprehend?_

I stare at the laptop screen and wait for at-low to message us that Ryota has come through. _I wonder how long Nanako has been at this. And why she hasn’t told anyone._

I make a note of her username—It’s ‘veggiebear’. _I think these two are sharing a login. I’ll take a look later, see how long she’s been here for._

 _‘Anything, Ryota?’_ I try asking him.

 _‘Yes, but...’_ he replies. _‘There are all these screens and some are on and some are off and I can only fit through one of them and_ — _’_

I don’t give him any time to finish that. _‘You can protect yourself, right?’_

 _‘There’s nothing powerful on the other side right now,’_ he timidly replies.

 _‘That isn’t the issue_ , _’_ I must look funny drumming my fingers and staring off into space. _‘I just want to make sure you’re not going into a trap.’_

 _‘I can always teleport,’_ he assures me. And then: _‘You’re worried about me!’_

 _No shit._ I groan and tell him to go through the ‘big screen’.

I get a message in the chat from at-low soon after, saying that a large blond man came through his living room television. I sigh and show Nanako. “It worked.”

“Good,” she exhales. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” I say. “Just fill your dads in on all this.”

Teddie shakes his head from behind her. “Nn-nn!!” he hums. “This is just like last time! It’s just _us_! Dojima can’t know.”

“ _Why_ can’t he?” I ask them, brushing blowing my hair out of my face.

“He doesn’t _get it_ ,” Teddie replies. “He doesn’t get the TV World or the collective unconscious. He never cared enough.”

 _That doesn’t_ —

I don’t to get to finish my thought before Ryota is popping back through the TV. “It’s a kid on the other end,” he tells us. “A boy about your age. All alone in his house. I checked.”

“For the record, my answer was going to be different,” Nanako interjects. “I just don’t want him to know. Or Tohru.”

“Ryota,” Teddie plaintively tugs on his tee-shirt once he’s back in the room. “Dojima doesn’t _get it_ , does he?”

The big man folds his arms. “He likes to ignore what’s in front of him,” he relays. “It takes more to permeate his subconscious, and he’ll just think it’s dangerous.”

“But he has a persona,” I protest.

Ryota cringe enough that I notice. “I was neglected for five years. _Nothing_ could have gotten him to go inside the TV World until he was literally murdered, therefore made to face the paranormal circumstances of our universes.”

_That... Got real wordy neat the end._

“Seeeee?” Teddie insists. He pulls Ryota to the couch and sits the man between himself and I. Then he hugs him, and Ryota reciprocates, slinging an arm around Teddie in a real cutesy way that grates on me.

Ryota puts an arm around me, too and I relax a little. But I’m still a little cheesed off that he just cuddles with anyone, so I stand up and hand Nanako her laptop back.

“He’s like a child,” I mutter, not realizing that Nanako is going to catch every word.

“You’re telling me?” she replies in a low voice, raising her eyebrows. “Teddie has always been like that with everyone.”

I frown. “Really?”

Nanako smirks like she’s divulging a secret. “He still sleeps with Kanji. It’s just how he is. You get used to it.” Then she motions her boyfriend over. “We’ve gotta go.”

Teddie nuzzles his cheek against Ryota’s before untangling himself from several arms. “He gave me the address~” Teddie tells us. Then he hefts the television off its stand and lays it on the floor. “We’ll put it all back before you guys come home!”

“Right,” I sigh.

When they’re gone, Ryota makes himself look like he should again. “I still want that shirt with the extra armholes.”

I roll my eyes. “Let’s just get back, okay?” I look around the room. “What do we have to do for that?”

“Oh,” Ryota voices. “I saw a blue door appear by the bathroom.”

“No shit...”

He stands and grabs my hand, pulling me towards another damn door I can’t see. “Anywhere else you need to go?” Ryota questions.

“Home,” I jokingly reply.

Unfortunately Ryota takes that literally and we go through the wall and land in my apartment. I smack my forehead while he stares at me looking like he’s unsure what he did wrong.

“I was being sarcastic,” I try to say without it sounding mean.

“O-oh,” Ryota sullenly replies. “Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” I remind him as he pulls me to another invisible door.


	29. King’s Word is— (Tohru)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The slightly disappointing King’s Game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed some time to pick up loose ends and get my shit together. The next few chapters should come out smoothly :)

Chapter Twenty-Six: King’s Word is—

(Tohru)

“Well they just went ‘poof’,” I chuff, stamping the floor. “ _Great!_ ”

“They’ll...” Ryoutarou shakes his head, stumped. He clearly wants to tell me that they’ll be back, but is obviously unsure.

I put my arm around him. “C’mon. I’ll text Mitsuo. Right now I have to get to a meeting.” I pull Ryoutarou along with me down a few hallways and a set of stairs. We wind up in a conference room.

“Hi, all!” I smile in a way I hope looks friendly.

“Hello,” Ito replies. Namatame nods at me. Some other people also greet me.

Ryoutarou and I take seats at a long table. He looks uncomfortable to be here—Like he thinks he’s unwelcome. _No one’s said anything like that._

Yuudai finally steps into the room at the very last minute. She sits at the head of the table and has Ito read the opening minutes: what we’ll discuss, things left open during the last meeting or from emails, and a progress report for how our stay is going.

“Alright,” Yuudai nods at her right hand man. “Thank you, Ito. First I’d like to say that pulling out the personas and demons has been a success. Good work, everyone.”

I try not to smile at this, but it’s nice to get praise from someone so stoic. _Plus I know she’ll zero in on any sign of weakness. Smiling probably counts._

Next I have to give my reports on everyone’s strengths and weaknesses. _I’m feeling proud that Ryoutarou has no weaknesses. He doesn’t have any real strengths, either... But we’ll build those up over time, and for now we’ll use with buffs._

Everyone else—They’re pretty average in terms of strengths and weaknesses. I get a full report on Yakebara Izanagi, or “Despair Izanagi”. Its title includes the kanji for self-sacrifice. _Fitting. He tried desperately to stop me, only to land himself hurt and in police custody, AND to make things worse._

Lastly, I’m passed files on Ito and Honda—Both of them are what we’re apparently calling ‘demon tamers’. They can freely contract non-shadow entities. _That’ll be helpful, but also pose a risk. If they make dumb decisions or pull in something too dangerous, we’re all done for._

“I want you to go on a trial mission in the city,” Yuudai finally tells me. “I want you to lead your team, which will consist of yourself, Ryou, Yasuyuki, Mitsuo, and Ryota. You are to find more information on this party who has been engaging you. It’ll be a good test to see if you can recover the information in a timely manner.”

Ito adjusts his glasses and adds new information. “I’ve looked into it, and I was able to pinpoint the location of the sender.”

“Through human means?” I snort.

“No,” he flatly admits. “But it shouldn’t be too much trouble for all of you to duplicate the results.”

“If we’re just searching for the sender, why send us out on a ‘mission’?” I question.

A smile grows on Yuudai’s countenance and I don’t like it. “You’ll need to bring us new information, which may only come about with the use of your personas.”

_I knew there was a catch._

“Fine,” I spit, losing my cool a little. “When do we leave?”

“Tomorrow morning,” Yuudai replies. “It’ll be your last day here. Make it memorable.”

“Meeting adjourned,” Ito announces, and everyone starts to shuffle off.

I grab Ryoutarou’s hand and start to lead him back to the room. _Need to find the other two idiots._

_And now I have to plan for a mission...?_

_Great. Fucking great!!_

In the room all I want is to be close to Ryoutarou. Seeing that the others aren’t here, I shove Ryoutarou against the door and kiss him hard. _This way no one can interrupt—_

He’s just wrapped his arms around me when the door beeps and Ryota starts to push it open. The stupid lug opens it even though all of our weight is on it.

I slam into the wall and Ryoutarou clutches me, pushing back against the door so we’re not crushed. “ _Ryota_ ,” he growls, his hand pressed above my head. “You need to knock!”

“You weren’t busy!” the big man rebuts. He peeks around the door and stares at us. “What’re you even doing?”

“What’s it look like?” Ryoutarou rolls his eyes, still not moving away from me. I feel as though he misses our physical closeness, too.

_It’s turning me on more—_

I press myself against him, hoping we can find some way to make this work. _We can wing it tomorrow. I need this._

“We have he bonding activity next,” Ryota jovially reports, Mitsuo sneaking in around behind him.

“Want is to uh—” Mitsuo rubs he back of his head. “Come back in a bit?”

“Aww why would we—” Ryota begins, but Mitsuo steers him away by the elbow. Ryota gasps, and I think they’re talking in their heads. “W-we’ll go.”

Ryoutarou sighs and pulls away from me. “No,” he bites out. “We’re all staying here.” He sighs and embraces me before pulling away.

“Don’t you need to figure out tomorrow?” Ryota hopefully questions.

“What—How do you know about that?” I scoff.

“I know everything,” he replies, tapping his noggin.

I groan and take a seat on the bed. Ryoutarou pulls out a cigarette and makes for the hall. Mitsuo uses a game.

It’s boring as hell while I try to organize the team for tomorrow. _I know that I’m going to have Ryoutarou’s back, but then I need to pair up the others. I’ll probably have to leave Ryota in his own, but he can take care of himself._

_Or do I need to be point person for two men?_

_What’s the right answer here? I don’t want to leave Ryoutarou to anyone else..._

_I’m the captain, so I suppose I should be alone. But I’m also the biggest asset._

_And Ryoutarou’s the weakest, by far. When you get down to it, Ryota should have his back—They do have complementary powers._

_I should be on my own, and Mitsuo and Yasuyuki should cover each other. It makes the most sense._

I bang my fist on the bed, frustrated. _I wanted to be the one to take care of him. Me._

_I’m his—_

_I’m his husband now. Isn’t that my job?_

_I don’t like this._

I stew over the details until it’s time to go. I end up calling everyone to the lounge: my roommates, Yasuyuki, Hiroyuki, and Tarou.

“We’re going to play the King’s Game,” I announce.

“Ooh!” Ryota yells. “I know the King’s Game! Ryou _loves_ King’s Game!! He used to play all the time with the guys in high school and from the arcade—MMPH!!!” he shouts as Ryoutarou slaps a hang over his mouth.

“You really need to learn when to shut it,” Ryoutarou growls. “Stop running your mouth and spilling all of my secrets, damn it!”

“I didn’t know it was a secret,” Ryota apologetically replies, getting free from the other man’s grasp.

Ryoutarou snorts. “ _Yes_. Because that’s something I want _everyone_ to know—Top of my list!”

“I thought so!” Ryota agrees, smiling. Ryoutarou looks about ready to kill him.

I pass out the chopsticks and give the instructions: "Everyone should have a number between one and seven," I explain.

"I have nine," Ryota speaks up.

I pause, trying not to snap. " _Give them all back._ "

I destroy the incorrect piece and remake them. I make sure Ryoutarou can see over my shoulder to correct me if I’m wrong.

I pass them out again. “Okay! So I’ll be the king first. I’ll give the rest of your orders and you have to carry them out.”

“No harassment,” Ito adds, such a buzzkill as always. “Keep your hands to yourselves.”

“But punching and stuff if a part of training,” I correct. “So that’s allowed.”

Ito grits his teeth and chuffs at me, clearly upset I’ve outsmarted him. “You can’t make us kiss each other,” the man qualifies.

“Whatever,” I shrug. “Check your numbers.”

“Three punches five,” I declare in a bored tone.

Mitsuo shows off his number five and holds up a fist. Hiroyuki sighs and shows his three. Then he receives a fairly weak gut punch. Hiroyuki takes it like a man and I nod approvingly.

“Next,” I say, going over my list. “Here’s a serious one. What will not be tolerated from coworkers. Number six?”

“That’s me,” Yasuyuki speaks up, showing off his six. “I won’t tolerate lying.”

“Number four,” I start. “What’s your worst fear?”

“Ah—” Ryoutarou hums. He’s quiet for a minute before telling us the obvious. “Losing someone important to me.”

“Next,” I quickly move on. “One can punch seven.”

Ryota shows off his one and winds up to punch... _Tarou. Perfect!!_

The smaller man covers his head and receives a very lackluster punch in the gut. I’m disappointed that Ryota didn’t give it his all, but whatever. Tarou still cried out. _Moving on._

“Ryota was number one, so he gets to be the king next,” I explain, already regretting this decision.

He mixes up the sticks and holds them out in his big stupid hand. We all draw lots and Ryota leans back, thinking.

He taps his chopsticks against his chin, thinking. “Three has to hug me!”

It’s Mitsuo, _of course_. The kid rolls his eyes and gives a too-excited Ryota a hug.

_He has to be rigging this. There’s no way..._

“Number one Two has to give me a hug!!” Ryota shouts next. It’s Ito. The man awkwardly stares at us, unsure. Ryota gets a second hug.

I roll my eyes as he calls out that seven needs to divulge a secret. It’s Yasuyuki. _This should be interesting._

“A secret?” Yasuyuki sniffs. “What do you want to know? Is this ‘true or dare’ now?”

I wave him off. “He can play it however he wants. It’s not harassment, at lest.”

“I think mine counts as—” Mitsuo starts until Ryota shoots him a hurt look.

Yasuyuki crosses his legs and considers what he should tell us. “I used to be SDF,” he divulges. “Does that count?”

“I’ll take it,” Ryota confirms. Then his eyes flick over to me.

“Number... _five._ Five has to tell a secret!!” Ryota decides. “What’s the worst thing they’ve ever done!”

_That’s me._

_He_ —

_He fucking knew it, didn’t he?_

“Who’s five?” Mitsuo asks, on the edge of his seat.

“Not me,” Yasuyuki replies, showing off his number four. The others show their sticks, too.

“Tohru,” Ryota quietly asks. “What brought you to Inaba?”

I glare at the future dead man and snap my stick in half. “Game’s over.”


	30. Always about “Games” (Ryoutarou)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryoutarou helps Tohru debrief and then the crew heads out.

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Always about “Games”

(Ryoutarou)

When the ‘bonding exercise’ abruptly ends, I follow Tohru as he stalks down the hall. He’s muttering to himself and sounding really angry.

When he stops to beat his fist against the wall, I slide my arm around him. I press my angry husband into the wall and he sighs heavily.

“He’s such a jackass!” Tohru vents, smacking the wall again. “Can’t—fucking—stand—fucking—Ryota!!” He thumps the wall again and I give him a squeeze.

“It’s alright,” I calmly tell him. “You don’t have to answer that.”

“It’s not—” he grunts. “Not the _point_!!”

I think he’s going to try and tear the wall apart, so I pull him towards me. “You’re okay,” I try to calm him down. I grip him tighter, grabbing his arms with my hands. “Don’t get so worked up...”

“That’s a little difficult,” he grits out. “When Ryota is trying to _sabotage_ me!!” he ends with a shriek.

“He’s not and you know it,” I groan.

“Then why would he try and make me _tell everyone_!” Tohru spits, trying to scratch at his head.

I hold him fast and start pulling him back to our room. “Don’t hurt yourself,” I chastise. “He probably had a reason.”

Tohru is sullen and sulky while I walk with him down the hall. “I can’t work with him!” he complains. “He’s too—”

“Don’t be like that,” I poke Tohru’s side. “You’re doing a great job.”

“ _Really?_ ” he asks me. He’s got such a scared expression on his face that I have to smile.

“Yes, really,” I insist. I open the door to our room and nudge him inside. “Let’s just cool off until it’s time to go out. You’re going to act right with Ryota. He’s a part of our group now.”

“My fault,” Tohru moans.

I roll my eyes and don’t bother replying. Instead, I take a seat on the edge of the bed and pat the spot next to me. Tohru begrudgingly sits next to me and I smirk as I pull him into my lap.

“You need to keep your cool,” I tell him. “You need to _learn_.”

“Says you, the _King_ of Tempers!”

“Shut up, Tohru,” I snap and he snickers. “I mean it. He and Mitsuo have become—” I give a tired sigh. “Our friends. And you need to be on good terms with that other guy, too. It’s how you get work done.”

Tohru moans and pulls at his hair. “I don’t like it!”

“You never did,” I sigh. “You were _very_ passive-aggressive with me, I know. You would outright talk down to your seniors, and you were lazy about getting anything done.”

I look him in the eye. “Can you handle all of this responsibility?”

Tohru’s gaze flares and his face pulls tight. “ _Yes!_ ” he shouts at me. “I can ‘ _handle_ ‘ all of this! I’m going to be in charge and I’m going to lead the best team, and make it so that we never have to worry again!”

“Hnn.” I rub his back, wondering if he even knows what it’s like to seriously work as a part of a team. “I worry.”

“ _Don’t_ ,” he grunts, glaring at me. “I don’t need you to pity me!!”

I grab his shirt and yank Tohru backwards in aggravation. “It’s not pity, you dumbass!” I hiss. “It’s genuine concern.”

“Well they sound the same,” he glares back at me, completely defiant.

I’m clearly not going to get through to him, so I hug Tohru one more time, then make him get off of me. “Get ready to go,” I tell him. “We agreed to go out with Ryota and Mitsuo. Unless you wanna wear _that_.”

Tohru looks down at his business casual and twists his face into a scowl. “No.”

“Didn’t think so,” I reply, rummaging through out things. I pull out a tee-shirt and shorts and hand them over.

He quickly tears off the nicer clothes and tosses them in a pile, donning the freeing apparel. Seeming satisfied with himself, Tohru folds his arms and takes a seat while I put his other clothes in a dirty laundry bag.

The door clicks open and the other two are back. Tohru sends Ryota a black look while the other man appears confused, and maybe a little guilty.

I roll my eyes. “You two work it out,” I order and Ryota apologizes immediately.

“Well that’s one way,” I sigh while Tohru is still glowering.

“I need to shave before we go out,” I announce, stepping into the bathroom. _I’ve got almost a full beard now, and I should probably get rid of it._

Ryota follows me into the bathroom, asking what I’m doing. I suppress the urge to snap at him.

“Shaving,” I rely, taking my electric razor out of my travel bag.

His eyes light up. “ _Me, too!!_ ” he practically shrieks.

He concentrates and instantly grows just as much as I have. Startled, I drop the razor. Of course Ryota catches it with something that isn’t quite an arm. “Now I can shave!” he announces.

“R-right,” I mutter, taking my razor away from him. “You do that...”

Ryota watches carefully as I set it leave just a little hair and roll the machine over my chin, neck, and cheeks. When I’m finished, he holds out his hand so he can have a go at it.

I pass Ryota the razor, unsure if this is the best decision. He runs it over his face, but I can see the hair falling away before the razor even touches it. _He doesn’t understand, does he?_

I don’t bother to correct him though. _What’s the point? He looks as if he’s having fun._

When a good amount of Ryota’s blond hair has mixed itself in with my debris, he seems to decide that’s enough. He flicks the razor off and I give him some lotion to rub on his face.

“You’re going to keep a neat beard?” I question.

“Maybe for a little while,” he shyly replies. “Does it look good?”

“Neater than mine,” I agree and he grins.

When we get back out to the main room, Tohru and Mitsuo get strangely quiet. Ryota doesn’t notice. He bounds right up to Mitsuo and grabs his shoulder and starts chattering.

Tohru raises his eyebrows at the barrage of questions flying at his friend. Ryota is going on about his new look.

“I thought it might look nice, and I’ll make sure to keep it neat. I don’t have to grow hair, so I won’t even need to shave!” he keeps going on a single breath. “So this is okay?” he ends with a question.

“Uh, yeah?” Mitsuo replies, seeming overwhelmed. “You don’t need to ask me to grow a beard—But it’s weird it just popped out suddenly.”

“I can do that!” Ryota grins, getting ready to demonstrate again.

I tap his back. “Don’t you want to get moving?”

“Right,” he solemnly nods. “I’ll show you later...”

Mitsuo smiles nervously, but doesn’t contradict Ryota. “I looked online,” he changes the subject. “And there’s an arcade we can walk to. We’re right in the middle of the city. It’s only a few blocks. How about it?”

“What if they don’t have the dancing game?” Ryota questions.

“Then we’ll find another,” Tohru amiably replies. “Let’s get moving,” he tells us, standing and heading for the door.

We all follow, ready to have a little fun. I don’t know what ‘the dancing game’ is, but I’m sure I’ll find _something_ to do.


	31. Games and Reality (Ryota)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The finally play DDR and then Ryota and Mitsuo spend some time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve wound down to posting about once a week. D: Sorry, but it helps with my other projects...
> 
> If you comment I'll love you even more :D Also feel free to add me on Tumblr and Discord. I LOVE to talk (especially about Persona). Ask the other friends I met through this story >.>
> 
> Ojisan#6187
> 
> https://akaicchi-chosha.tumblr.com

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Games and Reality

(Ryota)

We come up on a large building with flashing lights and cartoon fish frolicking around the sign. There are crane games spilling out into the street, and I can see a drum game inside the door.

“Well here we are,” Mitsuo waves his arm, indicating the sprawling building that is the arcade.

“There are multiple floors,” I note.

“Yeah,” Tohru adds. “The higher floors have fighting games and interactive games—Like where you can bring in cards or figures to play.” He folds his arms behind his head. “The bottom floors are crane games and two player stuff, like rhythm and shooting.”

I nod, taking it all in. Ryou’s got his arms folded and is regarding the place dubiously.

“Is there anything here I’d know?” he questions. “Aside from the crane games?”

“You’re gonna play DDR with me!” I excitedly tell him.

He gives me a sideways look. “What’s that?”

“Dance Dance Revolution!!” I reply.

“That doesn’t really tell me much,” Ryou sighs and scratches his head.

“You step on the buttons like dancing,” Tohru fills him in. “It’s easy—You’ll be able to do it.”

Ryou doesn’t seem too sure about that, but follows us nonetheless. Mitsuo slides through the aisles, looking for the game I want. We trail behind, glancing around at the attractions.

“I wanna play a crane game!” Tohru whines, picking out the toys he wants.

“After,” Ryou tells him. “We came here for Ryota.”

“I’ll give you some money!” I tell Tohru and his eyes light up.

Ryou smacks his forehead. “Don’t bribe him to do what he already promised.”

Tohru rolls his eyes and holds out his arm to me. I press some bills into his hand and Tohru grins like a little kid. Ryou has a cross expression on his face as he watches the transaction take place.

“Guys,” Mitsuo motions us over. “These are free.”

We all walk up to the large contraptions. There are places to stand and lit-up buttons on the floor. Railings are on the back, which Tohru says we can lean on. He points out a change machine so I can get coins for my bills.

I hand Ryou enough coins for two plays—I’m sure we won’t get it on the first try—and he nods in thanks. Tohru and Mitsuo talk over each other to explain what we have to do, and it’s a little confusing to listen to both of them at once.

Ryou sighs, annoyed that he can’t hear the instructions from the actual machine. Then we step onto the little platforms and feed the coins into the game.

I choose a peppy, electronic song and Ryou grimaces. “It’ll be fun!” I assure him.

“Sure,” my counterpart replies, leaning back on the bar. “I just step on the arrows when they go there?” he indicates the line at the top of the screen.

“Yup!” Tohru slaps his back and Ryou looks even _more_ off-put by this whole ordeal.

The music starts to play and arrows crawl across the large screens. Ryou seems vexed that he actually has to do this.

I step on the correct panels the first few times and feel proud. I concentrate on what I’m doing, but let a few inconspicuous eyes pop out of my arm so I can keep an eye on my friend.

Ryou seems to have the hang of it, too. He looks more relaxed as the song goes on. He starts to let the music move him and stops leaning on the railing for support. I almost miss one of the notes, so I let a not-leg slip out to get it.

“Cheater!!” Tohru hollers, laughing.

It makes Ryou stop and look at me, confused. I feel myself turning red because I know I did something wrong. We’re both still for too long and the music stops—We’ve lost.

“Sorry, Ryou,” I hang my head.

He rolls his eyes. “Let’s just do it again.”

“Really?!” I ask.

“Yeah,” he nods. “This isn’t that bad.”

“How about a harder one?” I press. Ryou cocks his head to the side, considering.

“Fine.”

“We’re next, though!” Tohru interjects. “I wanna play, too!”

Mitsuo laughs. “Let them play for a few minutes. It’s their first time.”

“You can go next,” I let them know. “Just one more...”

This time, I let Ryou pick the song, and it’s one that sounds vaguely familiar. We start to dance, and I can see him pumping his arms to keep balanced.

I don’t need to pay too much attention, though I know not to cheat again. I watch Ryou concentrate on what he’s doing, appearing very serious about the video game. _He’s never been big on video games. This is kind of fun._

When the song comes to an end, we trade places with our significant others and they taunt each other as they set the machines to ‘difficult’. They’re both confident when the music begins.

They move lithely and effortlessly as the arrows zip up the screen insanely fast! Neither gets out of breath as they battle for first place. Tohru even shows off by spinning around a few times.

Mitsuo laughs at his friend’s antics, and I have to admit he’s pretty impressive. Ryou’s eyebrows are all the way up to his hair as he looks on baffled at how much agility Tohru has been hiding away from him.

The song ends and they both gripe about their scores. They’re upset that they didn’t get high scores and get to put in their names.

“How long has it been since you’ve played?” I question and they both get silent.

After an awkward pause, Mitsuo rubs his arm uncomfortably and turns away. “I’m going to go get a drink,” he announces. “Be right back.”

“Wait—” I stop him. “I’ll come with you!”

“Okay,” he nods. Mitsuo shoves his hands in his pockets as he waits for me to catch up to him and then we walk maybe a block to find a bank of vending machines. I can tell that he has something on his mind, so I let him know he should go ahead and tell me.

I choose two juices from the machine and hand one to Mitsuo. Then I play with my bottle, watching the pulp fall from one end to the other while he takes a minute to collect his thoughts.

“Lately,” Mitsuo haltingly begins. “Tohru and I have been talking about prison—What it was like for us.” He glances up at me sharply. “Don’t get all weird, okay?”

I nod, not knowing how else to respond. _Get weird how?_

“It wasn’t good for either of us, but Tohru really had it bad,” Mitsuo tells me. He shakes his hair out of his face and pushes it to the side, which I’m starting to think could be a nervous tic.

Mitsuo sighs. “I feel like he should be telling Ryou, or his therapist or something. Not me—I’m not qualified to help him deal with that kinda thing.”

“But you’re his friend,” I insist. “Of course you can help!”

“I don’t know about that,” Mitsuo doubtfully replies, squeezing his bottle. “It’s all very...” He frowns. “ _Bad._ Like he was treated terribly. I doubt Ryou knows the half of it or he’d go on a murderous rampage.” Mitsuo chuckles at that, but I can tell that he’s still very upset.

“All you need to do is listen,” I tell Mitsuo. “I think that’s what he wants: someone who understands.

“But he’s on a whole different level than me!” Mitsuo protests. He folds his arms and sighs. “I get the basics, but I didn’t face nearly as much. There was bullying and beatings from other prisoners where I was, but that’s about it. I just kept my head down until my time was up.”

I nod to show that I’m listening.

“Tohru isn’t someone who will put up with that kind of stuff. He stuck out,” Mitsuo relays. He rubs his arm anxiously, so I put mine around him.

“It’s over now,” I remind my boyfriend. “For both of you. Don’t worry about it so much. I promise you’ll never have to face anything like that again.”

“But I deserved it,” Mitsuo asserts. “I—I killed someone. Not even someone I really cared about, just someone no one liked. I thought that would make people like _me_. If I do something like that again, I’ll have to go back.”

I shake my head, understanding the premise, but not the conclusion. “But you won’t,” I object. “You’re better than that now. You know it isn’t the answer.”

“Yeah,” his shoulders slump. “But you get the point of what I’m saying, right?”

I nod. “I think so.” I reach out and take the empty bottle away from Mitsuo and toss it into the receptacle. I reach a second arm around his torso and hug him to me.

“You’re too close,” Mitsuo admonishes, frowning, but doesn’t move away.

“I’ll always be close!” I assure him.

“Too close?” he stubbornly repeats.

“Maybe,” I answer. “I like being too close.”

Mitsuo cracks a smile and laughs a little. “I can tell. Though you should get rid of the extra arm before someone comes back here for a soda.”

I sigh and retract it. “It makes hugging easier. I can really grab onto you.”

“Dude, you’re fine as a regular human. I don’t mind if it’s only half of a hug.”

“But I mind.”

Mitsuo rolls his eyes. “Really, I’m okay.”

“But don’t I make you feel even safer?” I fish.

He looks up at me with his dark eyes, searching my face. _As though he thinks I’m joking._

“Yeah,” he exhales. “You’re like my weird magical bodyguard now.”

“I can live with that,” I seriously agree. “But also your boyfriend?”

“Oh my god!” he snickers. “You just need that validation, don’t you?” he says like he’s making fun of me, but at the same time, I feel him shrug off my arm and grab my hand. “Yes, okay? We’re seeing if this works.”

“It will,” I promise him.

We walk back to the arcade hand in hand. I pass Mitsuo the other juice, but he says he’s full again. So I stick it in my pocket for later or one of the others.

Inside, we find Tohru going at a crane game while Ryou watches. He’s fiddling with something in his pocket like he wants a smoke. I pull his hand out of his pocket and Ryou glares.

“What do you think _you’re_ doing?” he asks me.

“You can’t smoke around here,” I reply. “Want a juice?”

“No,” Ryou chuckles. “I want a cigarette.”

I see Tohru win a charmander plush, which he immediately stuffs into his backpack before trying to get another, even though the machine clearly says ‘one per customer’. I point to the sticker but Ryou only shrugs, as if he couldn’t care less.

“You’re a police officer,” I tell him.

“Off duty,” he quips. “Plus I don’t police imaginary animals—Tohru, I want the dog.”

“Growlithe,” Tohru muses, sounding irritated. “I’ve already told you I’m working on it.”

“You got the lizard instead...” Ryou pretends to sound sad while he smirks from behind his husband.

Tohru is definitely annoyed. “Just gimme a minute!” he snaps when he misses again.

“Thought you were good at these,” Mitsuo snorts.

“I will end you,” Tohru seethes.

Once he gets the toy for Ryou, we all decide that we should head back. We want to be well-rested for tomorrow’s mission. Tohru looks as if he’s still deciding about the specifics, and the humans need to sleep.

When we’re on our floor, I slip my hand into Mitsuo’s and pull him with me to the lounge. He doesn’t object, so I think it’s okay if we spend some time alone. _Just a little while..._

“Television?” I ask him when we’re in the room with the couches and chairs and tables.

“I guess,” he shrugs.

I sit on the floor, hoping he’ll come somewhere near me. I extend my arm on the seat of the couch so there’s room there, and open my legs if he wants to sit there.

Mitsuo covers his mouth with his fist and snickers. “You’re so _obvious_ ,” he tells me.

“What do you mean?” I ask as I casually stick out my other arm.

He rolls his eyes and climbs up on the couch behind me. My heart sinks for second, but then he rests his ankles on my shoulders. “How’s that?” Mitsuo asks me.

I grab his feet and smile. “Perfect.”

We watch two dramas, making fun of the predictable scenes and dialogue. I ask Mitsuo if he wants me to get us some food, but he says he’s alright. _It is kind of late._

“Should we go back?” I finally realize.

“Probably,” he yawns. “I should get some sleep.”

“Right,” I agree. I check my watch and see that it’s a little after midnight. “Maybe I can grab a coffee first...”

“You do that,” Mitsuo says as he swings his legs away to stand. “You going to ask Ryou?”

I must look guilty because he laughs. “And that plan just _happens_ to leave me alone with Tohru—Who I told you has been using me as his talk-therapist?”

“He’s been looking very stressed,” I tell Mitsuo.

He sighs. “Yeah, I know. It’s fine.” He holds out his hand to help me stand. I politely take it but stand on my own. I keep the hand though, leading him back down the hallway.

“Come back before I fall asleep,” Mitsuo yawns and I smile when he can’t see.

“Because you need me?” I ask.

“I don’t ’ _need_ ’ you,” Mitsuo emphasizes. “But it’s nice to have someone warm in the bed. I get cold kind of easily.”

I can feel my smile growing as we make our way down the hallway. I squeeze his hand lightly. “Okay. I promise.”


	32. Growing (Mitsuo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Mitsuo chapter on his new relationships.

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Growing

(Mitsuo)

When we get back to the room, Ryota and Ryou decide to get coffee together. Ryota practically begs Ryou to go with him and pick his coffee. _I know he was just trying to give me more time alone with Tohru, though. He didn’t have to._

_In fact, I’d rather he didn’t._

_I don’t know how to deal with this... He’s telling me too much that I have no control over. I still don’t know how I’m supposed to respond._

We start playing with our DSs just because that’s what we always do. We sit on our opposite beds, playing around together and not talking for a while.

Then, of course, Tohru breaks in with one of his usual leading comments. “Wish we had known each other before,” he says.

“Yeah?” I noncommittally reply.

“Mm,” he nods. “I wish I’d had more friends—More people I liked being around. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so desperate.”

I sigh. “You really think so?” I ask him. “Because part of it was the fog. It got us good because we’re easy to take advantage of.”

“I do,” he mutters. “I still can’t believe it’s over, you know. That I get to be here, with Ryou and have a job that means something.”

I look up at him and Tohru is flexing his toes, bare feet swinging off the edge of the bed. He doesn’t even glance up from his system, just goes on about whatever he needs to get off his chest.

“I don’t tell anyone else because they won’t get it, you know,” he divulges. “Maybe you get it because you were stuck in something similar. _Do_ you get it, Mitsuo?” he asks me with an edge to his voice.

“Not really,” I admit. “I try, because you seem to need to talk about it... But no. It wasn’t as bad in there for me.”

“Probably because you were a juvenile?” Tohru fishes.

“Maybe,” I respond. “I... Don’t know.”

_Why are you asking me this? I don’t want to have to remember it, either..._

But Tohru is only quiet for a minute as he ruminates over what he wants to bring up this time. “It was awful. Really bad,” he confesses. “People would tell me it was only fair, that I probably did these kinds of things to the women I killed.”

I don’t say anything. I feel like a deer in the headlights— _I never expected him to tell me all this._

“They hated me, and I looked weak. So they’d try and beat me for fun or mess with me.”

“Shouldn’t you be telling this to Ryou?” he cautiously asks.

He laughs bitterly. “I never want him to know. So _no_ , I should _not_ —That’s why I didn’t tell him when things happened, stupid!”

“Oh.” _So I get to listen now, and tell no one. I get to shoulder his burden because he’s too afraid Ryou would blow up._

“Yeah,” he snorts. “It was terrible. But I made it. I...” he trails off. Tohru runs his hands through his hair a few times anxiously. “I missed him,” he says so quietly. And then: “It was all so _fucked_!”

“Sounds like it,” I reply, feeling like it’s the right thing to say. _Like it’s the only thing I can say—To act sympathetic or empathetic or one of those things. What’s even the difference?_

Tohru groans and abruptly slams his game shut. “I hate that it was like that,” he grunts, starting to get worked up. “I hate that I couldn’t protect myself all the time!”

“Tohru—” I sigh. “I don’t know what to tell you!”

“Yeah,” he grunts, clutching at his head. “I _know_...”

We’re silent for a little while, and go back to our games. Then I get a text from Ryota, asking me if I’m tired. I laugh a little and reply to him that he can come back whenever he wants.

“Ryota?” Tohru accurately questions.

I nod. “He’s just being Ryota.”

“What _is_ going on with you and him, by the way?” Tohru asks me. “He’s kind of all over you lately.”

“Yeah,” I agree. “He is...”

“Why do you let him?” Tohru asks. “You don’t seem like that type of guy.”

 _I’m not._ I draw in a breath and let it out slowly.

“I don’t know,” I honestly tell my friend. “He’s just... He’s _Ryota_ ,” I say as if that’ll explain it.

“Uh- _huh_ ,” Tohru rolls his eyes.

I push away my hair and think harder about it then I’ve wanted to.

“It’s weird—I don’t like men, but I think I’m attracted to Ryota,” I volunteer. “I want him to like me and keep liking me.”

“New flash,” he snickers. “Then you probably like men.”

I sigh. “That’s not even what’s important here,” I try again. “He’s just—Like—” I groan, unable to get my thoughts out.

_Ryota makes me feel wanted. He makes me feel like someone would care if I didn’t come home._

_And he needs me, or at least he acts as if he does. I haven’t felt like this before... I haven’t felt like I was in a relationship that was mutually beneficial and not completely one-sided._

“He’s a lot of things,” I summarize aloud.

Tohru raises his eyebrows, still not getting it. “Then tell me what they are.”

“Well, what’s Ryou to _you_?”

“ _Everything_ ,” Tohru immediately answers.

I close my eyes and groan. “Well that’s not my answer. That’s not even helpful a _little_ bit!”

Tohru shrugs, unabashed at how honest he just was. “Relationships are different for everyone—Even relationships that are defined the same, like ‘boyfriend’ or ‘family’, mean different things to different people. No two are the same.”

“That’s true,” I agree. “To me, Ryota is someone who’s been filling holes in my life that I didn’t know that I had.” I pull my legs up onto the bed and hold them, feeling very self-conscious in a dizzying way.

I take in a deep breath that tastes of dirty laundry and cigarette smoke, then flop down on the bed. Closer to the sheets, it smells more like Ryota’s weirdly tangy scent. _I prefer this._

“It’s uncomfortable,” I admit.

“That’s because you’re growing,” Tohru answers the question I haven’t even asked. “It’s scary, isn’t it?”

I nod. “Yeah,” I exhale. “Can’t say it’s comfortable.”

“Growing _isn’t_ , dumbass,” Tohru tells me. “It feels like nothing fits right until you’ve stretched out your expectations to make room for the new person. You gotta grow into them.”

“Whatever,” he decides, waving me off. “Ryota is a good guy. At least you made a good choice.” He glances down to meet my eyes for a few seconds before looking away again.

We silently sit there for a while until the others return. Ryota cheerfully calls out that they’re back as he swipes his card. Ryou comes in behind him, looking completely beat.

They both change into similar-looking clothes at practically the same time before getting into bed. I kind of think Ryota’s doing it on purpose, but it’s still unnerving to watch.

Ryota gets under the covers and faces me, smiling shyly. I guardedly smile back, still feeling new at this myself.

I can tell that Ryota is trying to be unobtrusive, keeping his hands to himself. If I give him an inch he wants to take a mile, but I grab one of his arms and pull it closer. Ryota’s eyes widen and he immediately sends two more arms my way.

I chuckle, trying to be quiet. It’s one of those times when you know you shouldn’t laugh so it feels even funnier because it’s wrong. Ryota doesn’t mind, just rolls closer to me.

“You said I was warm,” he voices. “I can put out more heat if you want...”

“A normal, human amount is fine,” I quietly tell him. “I don’t need you to be an _actual_ heater.”

 _I don’t need you to be anything but yourself,_ I can’t bring myself to say.

Ryota seems to know though, as he stares at me and lets more of his eyes show. _You’d think it’d be weird and uncomfortable to sleep with a bunch of alien eyes watching you, but I don’t mind. I know it’s just how he is._

_The fact that Ryota isn’t human doesn’t make me uncomfortable. In fact, it might make me like him more. I don’t see how a regular person could like me. This way, it feels like he won’t disappoint me: I have nothing to compare him to._

_And he’s way more caring than most people I know. There’s that._

He rubs me with his fingers; just gently moving them around my side and back. _So the hands are a little weird, but I’m sure I can get used to—_

_Is this what Tohru means by growing into someone?_

Ryota pushes his luck and tries to push his other arm under my neck for me to use as a pillow. I try not to laugh, because he’s _definitely_ taking advantage of the little bit I just gave him.

I can’t help it though, and I hear myself giggling like an idiot as this big guy just keeps getting closer and closer to me. I don’t mind, though. _I feel so many things around him—‘Safe’ being top of the list_.

And that’s a word I haven’t found myself using much in my lifetime.


	33. Building Us Up (Tohru)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tohru gets ready for his mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too many people with “yuki” in their name, so Tohru’s finally started just calling Ito “Yukki” all the time.
> 
> I've had a nice little break and am back to write more!! Thanks for waiting :)

Chapter Thirty: Building Us Up

(Tohru)

_Today’s the day._

I don’t really sleep, just kind of lie there like usual. Ryoutarou doesn’t notice, and I’m happy when he finally wakes up. _Means we can get moving._

 _I don’t want to get up before him, especially knowing I’m going to have to trust him to Ryota today._ I decided last night that it’s best if Ryota watches him and I keep my eye more on the other two.

_Especially Yasuyuki. I don’t know a lot about him and I need to make sure he isn’t going to fuck us over in any of the hundred-plus scenarios I’ve had the night to develop._

“Already up?” Ryoutarou lightly chuckles, pulling me closer.

“Yup,” I return. “Are you ready for today?”

“As much as I will be,” he admits. “We just need to find something new about this Niichan guy, right?”

I nod. “Yeah. It shouldn’t be too hard. The worst part might be the ride to Tokyo!” _That’s my best-case scenario._

_Let’s not talk about my ‘worst’._

_I’ve already literally seen Ryoutarou die, so at least I know what’s that’s like. Shock therapy: like I gave Kanji._

_At least I know I have a chance to bring him back..._

_If it works again._

_Cause I saw a lot of bad scenarios playing out in my head last night. Many involved—_

I bury my face in his chest and Ryoutarou rubs the back of my head, thinking I’m being affectionate. He leans in to kiss the top of my head and I hug him tightly.

“Let’s grab a shower,” he murmurs, smoothing out my hair.

“Nn,” I reply.

“You didn’t shower yesterday,” he reminds me. “We’ll all be in a car together. I think it’s for the best,” he quips.

I giggle— _It IS kind of funny to hear him say it like that._

So we shower, and then the other two are up. “You two shower,” I order and Mitsuo rolls his eyes. _I don’t think he likes showering, either._

“I’m self-cleaning,” Ryota happily announces.

“Of course you are.”

So we wait for Mitsuo and then all start down the hall. I knock on Yasuyuki’s door and he opens it, dressed and looking like he’s already eaten.

“Breakfast?” I ask the man.

He stares me down, unblinking. Then a small boy pops out from behind him, leaning around his dad’s hip ant staring at me with big eyes.

I reflexively back up and the kid giggles. Yasuyuki glances down and sighs.

“Hiroaki,” he scolds, but the kid doesn’t look a bit remorseful.

“I wanna see your powers!” Hiroaki grins. He’s missing a few teeth and his smile is very cute. “Do something!” he begs. “Please!!”

I groan and scratch at my head. _What can I even do?_

“Back inside,” Yasuyuki chides, pushing his young son back into the room. “You’ll excuse me, as you can see I’m a little busy.”

“Wait—” I hold out my arm. Yasuyuki raises an eyebrow, but I nod encouragingly. Hiroaki pops back out from behind his father and stares at me excitedly.

I roll my hand around and produce a five-hundred yen coin. The boy’s eyes light up and he grins again. “Coooool~” he cheers.

Yasuyuki allows a small smile to grace his face, I guess happy that I’ve entertained his kid. “Thank you.”

“Yeah,” I grin back. “No problem.” I close my hand around the coin and when I reopen it, the coin’s gone. Hiroaki giggles and walks up to me.

He closes my hand again himself, trying to see if he can get the coin to come back. “That’s enough,” Yasuyuki says, taking his son’s shoulder.

Ryota takes that opportunity to step forward and kneel down to get on the kid’s level. “I can do it too!” he tells the boy.

Hiroaki glances at his dad and Yasuyuki lets him walk over again. Ryota claps his hands together and a bunch of one-hundred yen coins pour out onto the floor. Hiroaki gasps and rushes to collect them.

Everyone gasps, really. _That was unexpected._

Ryota grins and takes the coins when the boy hands them back to him. “Watch closely,” he says, really hamming it up and putting on a show. I can hear Mitsuo snickering from behind me.

I fold my arms. _The bastard’s outdone me!_

He covers all the coins with his hand and they disappear. I catch the subtle clinking of the coins reforming back in his pocket.

_Fucking showoff!!_

Ryota downright beams when he opens his hands again and the boy’s eyes are super wide. He claps Ryota’s hands together again and freaking Ryota makes all the coins come back out, because of _course_ he isn’t using _real_ magic! He’s just cheating and using his powers...

I pull Ryota back this time when Yasuyuki rolls his eyes and grabs his son. “Thanks,” he curtly tells us before disappearing back into his room.

“Aww,” Ryota sighs. “I wanted to see the little one some more...”

“You mean ‘the _child_ ’,” Ryou quips.

“He was like a tiny, smiling version of his father,” Ryota pouts.

“Maybe later, big guy,” Mitsuo pats his back. Ryota is still frowning, but he lets us drag him to breakfast.

While we eat, I don’t really listen to them. I’m still going over everything in my head. _We’ll have to run around the city. There’ll probably be some flag I’ll trip if he wants to be found..._

_Which I’m guessing he does._

I chew it over and eat the bare minimum so that I’ll feel strong enough to fight. _Ugh I need to get back to how I was!!_

I’ve been having the brilliant idea that I can try to pull the same trick with Ryoutarou and give him more power—If I can get myself back to where I was, that is. _Dammit, Kanji!_

When we’re done eating, we meet up in the underground garage. Yasuyuki is already there, reading from a small notebook. Ryota bounds right up to him to strike up a conversation, but the man doesn’t seem interested. _Now that he’s met his kid, Ryota loves him, huh?_

_What is with him and children and animals?_

I dismiss the thought and focus instead on the van that Yukki pulls around. I can tell it’s him without the man even rolling down the blacked-out window. I can _sense_ him, I’m on such high alert.

We’re all in casual clothing and will blend right in—Except for damn Ryota. But he can’t change his size or blond-ness. He seems to intuit what I’m thinking, as I catch him staring back at me as he fingers his hair.

“You can’t help it,” I sigh and he nods contritely.

“Get in,” Yukki finally slides open the door and calls to us.

I get in the front and turn around to survey the back. There are packs for all of us, probably with necessities and lunch. _I need to use my power to get more..._

I touch the bag and try to figure out what’s inside. _I bet Ryota could do this._

The big man goes all the way to the third row, Mitsuo following him. Ryoutarou gets in behind me and Yasuyuki sits beside him. Yukki gets back in the driver’s seat and we’re off.

It’s a good hour and a half until we get there, and I confer with Ryota in our heads. The asshole can tell I’m trying to stretch my abilities already and gives me shit for not ‘keeping human’. But now that he knows why I need it, he’s a little less severe about it, at least.

I tell him the plan, how I want him to keep an eye on Ryoutarou and have my back, while I watch the other two more closely. He agrees, knowing he can pull it off and that I’ll do a good enough job with the others.

While we confer, I can tell his attention is already expertly divided. He’s carrying on a conversation with Mitsuo as if it’s nothing. I can hear them speaking aloud.

Ryoutarou naps and Yasuyuki plays with his COMP. I ask him to pass it over so I can take a look. It seems he’s got Yaksini and Hariti on his team, with Tlaloc in reserve. _Good._ _He’ll be able to deal physical blows and heal us all at once._

_I already know how to handle the others. Both in a fight and as people._

_That’s the piece I need to learn about Yasuyuki—_

_How to encourage or manipulate him..._


	34. Summons (Yasuyuki)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yasuyuki’s first chapter!!! He says he won’t befriend the others, but that’s not really in the “Muki Spirit”, is it? Let’s see if he can play nicely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While it did take me a while to get a handle on how I wanted to write Yasu, I also had writers’ block that lasted over a month. That’s the larger reason for my tardiness... I’m back and making finishing “Yakusoku” my number-one writing priority! I’m a few chapters ahead, but they might take a while to come out. I am getting close to the ending of P5, and want to insert more content from that game, so I WOULD like to finish it before I finalize the next parts of this story. I’ve been kinda vague with where this story technically sits in terms of P5, soooo I wanna firm that up.
> 
> \--> DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS??? It’s MUKIVERSARY!!! This marks one year that I have ben writing this series!! I have special collection of fan-requested parodies and spin-offs that I’ll start publishing today. Two were written months ago but never published, and I’m working on two more at this time. I’m hoping to put out one a week for at least four weeks.
> 
> The confirmed stories so far:  
> “Nanako’s Desperate Escape” — Nanako is mad as hell and not going to take it anymore.  
> “Young Ryou Squared” — What if Ryota came out of the TV a long, long time ago? And Yuudai just passed him off as another sibling?  
> “Kinshirou’s Ghost” — Mitsubo’s got an unhappy visitor with task. Potential tie-in with the whole series.  
> Title Pending — A story about Tohru meeting someone new. Another potential tie-in.
> 
> Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14271237/chapters/32916960
> 
> I’m always open to more requests. Feel free to comment or message me anything, always >:D
> 
> Thank you for spending a year with this ojisan!!! <3

Chapter Thirty-One: Summons

(Yasuyuki)

I pass Tohru my COMP, wary at what he’ll do with it. I have to trust this man—This _killer_. I don’t care for him, to say the least.

_If he thought that entertaining my child would win him points, he is sorely mistaken. It is for Hiroaki’s sake that I cannot trust him._

He comments on my demons and tells me what abilities he’ll likely have me use. I play along, being cordial but not overly friendly. I won’t pander to him as I’ve seen the others do. I don’t plan to befriend him.

Ryou snoozes next to me. _I don’t care for that man, either. The murderer’s husband; what a title. And he claims to be police?_

_Well, his mother is running the show. Nepotism at its finest..._

_I can hear him snoring over the music that Hiroyuki has on and it’s going to drive me nuts. What a lazy—_

“Yuki,” Tohru shouts, waving his hand in front of my face. “I asked if you want to get more demons. Do you know how?”

“Hmm, yes,” I reply. “I believe I can access auctions through the Cathedr—“

“Yup!” Tohru excitedly cuts in. “So you can go there, too!!”

I shake my head. “No, I just use the app. I don’t actually _go_ there, physically.”

“Ooh,” he sighs. “Damn... Thought you were more like me...”

_No one is like you!_

_Well, possibly Mitsuo is like Tohru. He’s another atrocity._

I glance behind me to see Mitsuo leaning against that abomination of a... _What even is Ryota? He clearly resembles Ryou, but is very different. Both physically and in his simple ways._ The giant is clinging to the younger man with two of his arms, while he frets over something trivial.

_How did I get involved with this again...?_

_Right—I needed the money. Hiroaki is the most important._

“Yuki!!” Tohru snaps his fingers. “Look here!”

I hiss a sigh out through my teeth and turn back around. “Yes?”

“So you can form contracts anytime?” Tohru inquires.

“Yes,” I answer. “And I can perform fusions whenever I’d like, except for mid-battle. It takes a minute or so to process.”

“Inteeeresting~” he smirks, handing me back my COMP. “I’ll keep that in mind.” The man shifts in his seat and changes his approach. “What do you know about us?”

I narrow my eyes. “In terms of...?”

“Personas,” he replies, waving his hands around. “We’ve all got personas, but you don’t. Any idea why?”

“No.”

“I see,” Tohru frowns. “I’m sure you _could_ get one, but being a demon tamer has its own advantages. I can do both, if you’re wondering.”

“Great,” I reply, not really caring. _So he is the strongest._

Tohru smirks and I feel uneasy. “I _know_ what you’re thinking~” he sings. “But Ryota’s the strongest here. He _came from_ the shadows.”

“The shadows,” I repeat, unsure what that even means.

“Yup,” Tohru nods. “He was Ryou’s shadow who, left to his own devices, developed his conscious mind. We found a way for him to leave the TV World.”

I nod, having the feeling that he’s skipping part of the story. Tohru only shoots me a goofy grin before turning back around.

“How much longer?” Tohru asks Hiroyuki. The other man checks the time and replies that it should only be about ten more minutes. Tohru turns around in his seat once more. “Okay everyone,” he calls. “Make your final preparations!”

Ryou doesn’t wake up, only snores louder. I catch Tohru staring at the man with an expression that’s far too placid. It looks so calm, that I almost think it’s forced. He finally reaches out and shakes Ryou’s leg, startling him from his slumber. The bigger man jolts awake, snorting as he slowly opens his eyes.

“Going soon,” Tohru says. Ryou nods and stretches as best he can in the van.

“Where are we?” Ryou asks.

“Aoyama.” Hiroyuki pulls the van off the highway, down a twisting road, and we’re spit out in a quieter area, more residential. _We’ll stick out terribly here…_

The man thankfully brings us to more of a downtown section before stopping the vehicle. “Well,” he says, turning to Tohru. “Good luck.”

“I don’t need luck,” the other man snidely replies. Hiroyuki smiles nonetheless and ushers us out, noting that the bags are labeled.

Ryota hands them out when we all gather on the sidewalk. Hiroyuki calls to Tohru from the window, telling him to let everyone back at the building know when they should move in.

“That supposed to be some sort of a hint?” Tohru grumbles as the van pulls away.

“Probably,” Ryou says, seeming just as unbothered as everyone else by the fact that we are four grown men and a gigantic foreigner traveling in a group. In matching backpacks, like a bizarre parody of a school trip. In a city only I’m familiar with, even though this ward isn’t my forte.

 _All for Hiroaki,_ I repeat as a mantra.

I can’t help feeling ill at ease as Tohru leads all of us down a street at random. Ryou follows, pulling out a cigarette and motioning for the rest of us. Mitsuo sticks close to the giant, who jovially points out things he’s never seen before in person. I bring up the rear, wondering at what the hell is in this heavy bag.

It’s not long before I think we’re lost. No one’s said anything, but Ryou’s gone right through three cigarettes, chaining them as he stares at Tohru’s back. I more or less consider that man his ‘handler’—And I don’t like the fact that he’s antsy.

Ryota is the only one who looks calm. Anxiety from _him_ would be worse than a dead canary in a coalmine.

All I can do is follow their lead, however. I’m the newest addition to this homegrown clique and I know that any advice I offer will likely be spurned by Tohru, in yet another attempt to prove himself to be the alpha male—Even though it’s clearly one of the Ryous. _Why the bigger one defers to his counterpart is still a mystery, though._

I keep watch myself fort anything out of place. And soon enough I spot the first definite abnormality in this city. As we pass an alley, I swear I see a group of kids blink a few times and then disappear. I pull up short, gawking at the odd sight. “Those... Kids...”

“Hnn?” Ryota hums, patting my back and pulling me along with the others. “No kids,” he says after glancing in the correct direction, shaking his head.

“I swear I saw,” I sigh. “In that alley—”

The tall man closes his eyes for a minute while we keep walking. “It’s them,” he finally says. “Let’s keep that between us.” I study him distrustfully, but he only grins at me. “They’re with us, and we wouldn’t want to hinder their investigation.”

“They’re with us,” I repeat, uncertain.

Ryota nods excitedly. “They had a bit of a head start. I helped them the other day.”

“Who are they?” I question, trying to remember the faces I could make out. _Five children. Two clearly older than the others. Blond, brunette, white hat, blue hair, glasses._

“Just friends,” he answers, patting my back once more before catching up with to say something to Mitsuo.

I shut my eyes in frustration. _At his words,_ _I thought maybe they had something to do with our ‘mission’, but now I’m wondering if they’re here to beat us to the punch. I hope they don’t get in our way._

_I’ve recently learned it’s been children dealing with a lot of the world’s atrocities in the past. Makes me wonder why we’ve been selected for whatever this is_

_Makes me wonder how someone as old as Tohru was even able to awaken a power like a persona. Though I suppose it has something to do with the fact that it’s a ‘special’ persona; not ordinarily obtainable through self-acceptance. Rather, it’s a version of a god tailored to him and his shadow. His negativity can run rampant and it won’t care in the least, but feed off of it instead._

_...So whatever happened to his shadow? It’s a thought I find myself coming back to._

Remembering I need to stay alert, I begin to sweep my eyes around again. We’ve been traveling in one direction for a while, but suddenly Tohru peels off to the right, shooting forward.

“Oi!” Ryou calls at his back, but the other man doesn’t answer. “What’s over there?” he tries again, to no avail. I’m close enough to witness Tohru squeeze into a small space between two buildings. Ryota rushes past Ryou and disappears through a wall, following Tohru. “I don’t think I can fit,” Ryou complains, turning to Mitsuo and I.

The kid sighs and squishes himself in, going after the other two. I think I can make it, but I don’t think we should leave one person alone, especially considering our two powerhouses are gone.

I walk up to the space, attempting to see where they might’ve gone. It’s a straight shot through, but hard to make out what’s on the other side. “Let’s see if there’s another way to get in,” I offer.

Ryou nods and we start to follow the wall of one of the buildings. It’s huge; not an office, but also probably not a warehouse. The fact that you can’t easily discern what goes on inside makes me wary. To see what’s beyond the wall, we’ll have to search for access.

“Hey! Got a message from Mitsuo,” Ryou suddenly tells me. I turn back to see him clicking around on his phone. “There’re demons in a courtyard. Someone left a COMP open as a summoning point. That mean anything to you?”

“Yes,” I nod, swallowing down worry. “It’s in the user agreement.” Ryou snaps his phone shut and seriously gives me his full attention, probably for the first time since I’ve met the man. “If your demon overpowers you, it’s able to sacrifice you to open a portal.”


End file.
